Is this parental alienation?

SkeptiCynical · 2023-12-21T14:42:33+00:00

Most sources on parental alienation link to the same 8 points listed here

https://www.healthline.com/health/childrens-health/parental-alienation-syndrome

So your ex is being a piece of shit, but your son isn't being alienated. Yet. She's just trying to edge you out. It's really typical shitbag behavior by custodial parents.

Assert yourself in your son's life. Bring your custody order and any other court orders around with you. Make sure you can provide these to school, doctors and daycare. Call the principal of the school first and share the situation. Make sure you're on emails, snail-mail lists, auto-callers, picture day notifications and emergency blasts.

The residential parent's address is the one that should be on the school's register. That's your son's legal address. So if your ex has residential custody, his address should be his mother's.

Don't sweat PTA meetings and other performative bullshit. Your ex should be sending you summaries and copies of paperwork like that. After preschool or kindergarten, parents don't show up in pairs anymore, married or divorced.

You should petition for a modification of your custody order. Among your demands should be

Right of first refusal - so your ex has to contact you before allowing anyone else to babysit, transport or chaperone your kid.
Your ex can add the boyfriend as contact, but not at your expense, ever.
If one parent attends a school meeting, doctor's appointment, etc. they have to share copies of all paperwork and scheduling with the other. Our Family Wizard is supremely useful for this.
Your ex cannot remove or modify your contact information from any educational, religious or extracurricular activities.

I had these added into a modification after divorce, it was easy and I didn't need a lawyer.

NotUsedUsernameYet · 2023-12-21T05:47:30+00:00

How much time do you spend with son? 50/50? You can communicate with your son and sign him up for any classes you want during his time with you. You don’t have to give her an upper hand.

I am not a lawyer, but for school I would communicate with them in writing prohibiting sharing any child related information with unrelated 3rd parties like boyfriends. PII and all that - you can research that.

tragicaddiction · 2023-12-21T14:49:11+00:00

I understand what you are coming from and the fear of being replaced by this step dad is high.

no matter what your kids will still see you as their dad, especially at 8 years old. your ex has replaced you though and that' something to come to terms with.

concentrate not on what they do together, but what you do with their child, why didn't you sign them up for soccer? swimming? it's hard to swallow this stuff and we dont' want to miss out with our kids, i get that.. but be grateful that she is involved and want him to be involved in sports.

and yes, you are right, they are signing him up for spots that they know you wont be able to be part of so that you can't interfere and she can pretend you don't exist. is it alienation, probably not. you are free to do things with your kid too on your time, make some fun traditions and memories.

for the school address, they may just have 1 address available to put on file and she believes she is the better main contact.. that's a conversation to have to her about that. why should it be in your name not hers anyway other than the convenience of not having to change address.

Trytosurvive · 2023-12-21T08:52:57+00:00

Hard to say, I take daughter to dentist and medical appointments, sports etc - ex rang them all up and asked them to change primary contact and home address from me to her - dentist/drs/coaches changed it back to me as ex didn't know what was going on and never took her to appointments etc after a few missed appointments.

If it's sporting activities and he is doing with friends, I would accept that as a parent and wouldn't question it. I would try to goto games thought and watch a few training sessions- though growing up my parents never watched me play, nor any parent in team so ask son if okay to watch a training sessions but I would attend games as they grow up quick.

Bit weird taking boyfriend to teacher interviews and asking them to note it down.

If there is child support payments or your thinking she may be planning to move further away and sowing seeds I would get legal advice especially since he is only 8. Also try to have his friends come over to your place or do after school activities while at yours maybe so its not all at mums?

What happens at birthday parties? Is there two or is there truce and you both go to one? Really hard to say if ex is trying to alienate you - just remember you can never be replaced but play a wise game if you think something is up.

Lumptbuttcat · 2023-12-21T14:07:37+00:00

She is not directly trying to make you irrelevant. What she is trying to do is somehow make this BF relevant.

Think of it this way- if the boyfriend was a great partner to her (son excluded), she wouldn’t care if he had a “step dad” role. Of course, she’d want him to be good to your son and respectful, but she would not feel the need for him to be so involved.

Ptsdveterannavy · 2023-12-21T05:46:58+00:00

Get a lawyer. There is no need to second guess to protect your parental rights now.

upvotersfortruth · 2023-12-21T09:23:56+00:00

Does your divorce agreement speak to these matters?

Ptsdveterannavy · 2023-12-21T15:25:53+00:00

For Contemp of Court and interference of Custody. We all know Parental Alienation is hard to prove but how about trying to help him instead of trying to confront my advice.

Title	Is this parental alienation?
Author	Feinixaway
Upvotes	7
Comments	15
Date	December 21, 2023 5:37 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/18nfjxc/is_this_parental_alienation/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/is-this-parental-alienation.1241278 https://theredarchive.com/post/1241278

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