Hey guys, I'm a 188lb 6'2 12% navy bf with a 2 plate bench 35y.o fella that's been with my 37 y.o wife for 16 years. I'm her 12th lay and she took my virginity. We have 3 kids 6f,8m,13f. 7 cats and 3 dogs. I hate my life and have read the sidebar rougly 4-5 times since 2018.

I've come to the realization that no matter how much my wife gags and chokes on my dick. Or fills my bed with squirt while I'm power driving her asshole. That I still feel like a shell of a man without her respect. So what that I lost 62 lbs off my complacent ass these past 7 months and have my washboard abs now. She just be addicted to how good I am in bed and the 7-8-9 orgasms she gets each night.

Respects my cock, but as a man not so much.

-Always questioning my thoughts and plans

-Tries talking over me and will straight up change the topic while doing so. Claims it's just her ADHD but my gut says that's gaslighting.

-Leading her in any way results in annoyed bratty behavior.
Etc

I made such a shitty victim puke it got taken down back in September. You may remember me as the guy with 3 graph papers taped together. Which was a representation of the text msgs sent to and from my wife's male co-worker over a 3 month time frame. It was just a 1 sided emotional affair and hypergamy doing it's thing. Basically she respected him and wanted him because the idea of winning him over made her feel alive aka the feelz. Sure as shit was looking down at me to break my trust and lie to my face. Despite me moving from a smv 6 to an 8 these past 6 years and her a 3 to a 2.5 while he's a 5. Reality to her is I was a 6 she now sees as a 2.

So since the EA, I told her to make professional contact only with the guy or get another job or I'm gone. It was agreed upon and we moved on. 3 months later he put in his 2 weeks. He went on to wear a pair of rayban smart glasses on his final 2 days at work which was 4 days ago. Then uploaded 3 videos to his youtube channel. Halfway through video #2, my wife appears. The conversation was her giggling like a schoolgirl while bitching about having to go do something in another part of the store. Her tone of voice and the way she looked at him combined with the fact she didn't even need to be in that area with him at all, so she sought him out, is a big hit to my lame ass mateguarding ultimatum.

I thought I'd improved enough these past few months to win her respect back. Literally I stopped caring and acted like she was dead. Been living life just for me and having a damn good time. Kids have had fun, wife seemed to be enjoying it as well, or so I thought.

In 2019 I had a full blown affair with a side piece for 6 months. I ended it by removing all alpha and going full beta so she'd exit and not care to keep figuring out my last name so she could tell my wife and have me to herself. It worked and I made a vow never to tell the wife to keep her in ignorance as to not get hurt until death gets me. Now I see that her hypergamy has triggered extreme projection in me and her opposite sex friendship with her "crush" coworker has made me hate life to the point that Idk what to do other than free myself and tell her about what I did. Isn't masculinity about freedom? She knows other women want me every time we go to the store or I'm gone at jujitsu and the way women talk to me and do things/give me gifts at my work. Yet she still knows I was a virgin when we met. So back to the title. If I tell my wife about the affair will it free my guilt and projection so I can enjoy life again and will it get me respect back?