Feeling Low

OrangeinDorne · 2024-01-04T13:06:26+00:00

I had to go 23 days when she bailed without seeing my girls due to a temporary protective order she bullshitted on me. I don’t have the best memory but I distinctly remember that hell and it’s been 5 years.

That said, it did pass, and I took those 23 days to really consider how I wanted to handle the situation. It paid off for me when it comes to custody big time.

It’s ok to feel the things you are, but also try your best to be reflective and decide what’s most important for you moving forward. In my scenario I knew she cared more about money than kids so I did make somewhat ridiculous financial concessions in order to see my kids every day and have a civil coparenting relationship.

Good luck my man. Hang in there

WartimeDad · 2024-01-03T18:46:08+00:00

Went through this thing. In years out. Going through another thing.

Wisdom: know your daughter will love you regardless. And that in time you will be fully connected again. The situation will change DRASTICALLY in forthcoming years. Easily could end up with greater than 50% custody. The future is unwritten. Try not to waste mental energy and anguish imagining what might happen. Just do your best in the moments.

Good luck and never give up.

DadLyfeYall · 2024-01-03T12:41:35+00:00

Lost my daughter twice and (I believe, from experience in court) came dangerously close to losing her for good. Good news is that unless you're a perpetual fuck up/repeat PROVEN (contrary to what it seems like right now, she needs to PROVE her claims) abuser or drug addict, the courts WANT you in your kids life. Unfortunately, the extent of which heavily depends on multiple factors, lawyers, evidence (or lack thereof), etc. I'm going to assume you don't want to become a dootmat that barely sees your child and is basically an endentured servant/walking ATM.

OP please keep fighting for your kids! Only you can weigh the pros/cons and decide if it's worth it, but you will be weighed against the action you take now for the rest of your life. By your own children especially. Be the man/father they need!! Praying for you sir.

Gunslinger1925 · 2024-01-03T05:36:47+00:00

Fuck. Reading shit like this raises my anxiety.

Emotional_Lettuce251 · 2024-01-03T04:28:21+00:00

Just asking, but, is the accusation baseless, or did something actually happen?

upvotersfortruth · 2024-01-03T03:26:05+00:00

Fight this initial battle with as many resources (i.e. lawyers) as are necessary to win. Once you get through this, especially if she's shown to have lied to get the charges, you'll be able to seize the initiative (but she's unlikely to face any real legal consequences, so don't invest emotionally or monetarily in that). Sucks to start a fight with a kick to the nuts. But that's how a lot of these go. You will see your daughter again and it's not fair to ask you to be patient on something like this, but you need to push through the process. Compartmentalize as best you can, and keep marching forward.

Xan-Diesel · 2024-01-03T01:42:30+00:00

Hunker down and prepare for a long ride. I'm going through this in California. I was arrested for two false assault felonies (woman I was with for a couple months attacked me but told the police I choked her and punched her in the face). My ex-wife used the arrest to get a restraining order and temporary emergency custody of our kids. It's been four months since my arrest and the legal system didn't care about my ex-wife's lack of evidence for her claims (said I was a drug addict and that I was a danger to the kids and her) or the fact I haven't been convicted in the case unrelated to her or our kids.

I had friends and family write letters and countered every one of her ridiculous claims in my response. I doubt the judge read my response or the letters. I was ordered in the civil / custody case to complete a 52-week batterer interventions course, substance abuse assessment and complete drug testing coordinated with my ex-wife's lawyer. Insanity. I had to fight to get to FaceTime my kids nightly and I only get to see them once per week via supervised visitation.

I hope things go better for you but from what I've learned: they won't go well and things rarely work how we imagine they will.

Title	Feeling Low
Author	DuaneMorgs
Upvotes	14
Comments	26
Date	January 3, 2024 1:14 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/18x6c2i/feeling_low/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/feeling-low.1242135 https://theredarchive.com/post/1242135

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