No purpose in life ?

Lumpy-Mammoth-3115 · 2024-02-06T14:38:21+00:00

My mood changed when I started fostering puppies. It filled that “daddy” or whatever the fuck you want to call the part of me that was left devastated when my kids were ripped away from me.

DivorceRecoveryMen · 2024-02-03T16:44:29+00:00

Live for your daughter. She needs a dad, a father to help raise her. Get a lawyer, start the process and start feeling better and gradually get some happiness. It's not overrated.

azwildcat74 · 2024-02-03T16:14:32+00:00

Purpose #1 needs to be getting your rightful time with your child. Not "eventually", Monday as soon as a lawyer is in his office. You're not asking for something, you're taking what's rightfully yours. The longer you allow this to happen the way it is the more it becomes "the norm" in the eyes of the court. End it NOW.

Purpose #2 is going to be to find your purpose. You built your whole life and identity around being a provider instead of a whole person - a lot of us (myself included) made this mistake, but it is in fact a mistake. Want to know one of the best things you can provide for your daughter going forward? Show her what a happy, whole person looks like. Someone who loves their family enough to take care of themselves first and foremost so they can be physically present to take care of their family. Nobody is interested in a sack of shit who just works and then comes home and is too tired and disinterested to do anything else. Do you think any kid anywhere would pick a parent like that? This means getting active, lift weights and work out, get some cardio in, get outside when you can and MOVE, take your daughter with you on some of your 50% of the time you'll have with her soon. Try to remember the hobbies you used to have and check those out again, you might find they no longer are something you're interested in but it will help you find new things that you are interested in now.

This is your chance to be someone worth being with who cares for themselves and doesn't allow themselves to be a victim anymore like you're doing now. You will be victimized as long as you allow that treatment from other people. They have a low opinion of you because you clearly have a low opinion of yourself, evidenced by the fact that you allowed someone to take your child from you and is only "allowing" you to talk to them a couple minutes every couple days. Wake the fuck up and start taking charge of your life.

AirSailer · 2024-02-03T15:55:32+00:00

Do you have a lawyer?

Have you filed for divorce?

Have you petitioned the court for a temporary custody order?

Without these things you cannot force your wife to give you time with the kids. You want to know what you need to do to get time with your kids? You need to do the above things.

SoCal4247 · 2024-02-03T13:20:55+00:00

You have legal rights with your child. What’s the issue?

Heavy_Guitar_4848 · 2024-02-03T12:22:05+00:00

Try taking some magnesium later in the day. Probably really low with all the stress. Other than that, start with really small wins to get you back motivated. Exercise and the nutrition needed for exercise is a great start. Limit alcohol and view it as a weakness. Hold yourself accountable everyday and in every weak moment. Write your progress down and write your goals down. Most of all, be a man!

ghostiewm · 2024-02-03T11:01:34+00:00

Sir, there are rules about spending time with your children. And whatever your marital problems are, visitation with your kid is a priority and your right, unless you signed those away.

Find a way to spend time with your child. If your spouse won't cooperate, find a lawyer. And if you don't have lawyer money, contact your local social and family services.

Also I have some understanding of your spot in life right now. Take the time to grieve. And while you're at it, start planning for the next phase in your life. Here are a few things to remember.

All marriages end, whether it's by death or divorce.
In problems between two people you are responsible for half of the problem. There is no need to carry 100 percent of a disagreement.
Take care of yourself.
Reach out for help.

Lugubrious_Lothario · 2024-02-03T06:34:11+00:00

Well. Today I cried and shook on the floor in the fetal position until I was composed enough to gather up some clothes and get dressed... then I cried and shook while I put on my shoes, and then I went for a walk after that I spent some time feeding animals and then I went and got a haircut.

I have leaned on every support system I have through this process, and lost some more relationships along the way because they couldn't handle the situation. That part sucks but I don't really blame them. It is what it is. I burned those relationships (in the sense that they don't want to talk to me anymore, I wished them all peace and happiness) but I think it was necessary, frankly. I'm going to have to start a new life from absolute scratch, probably in another country at this point, but I'm peacing it together day by day, sometimes just moment to moment.

I feel you on the emptiness and the search for meaning. I don't think I have much for an answer for you there except to say you've got to find your purpose. I think its okay if it's small, or if it goes against convention and what everyone else expected of you. For me I think its going to be art. I'm making a career change so I can live in a cheaper part of the world, work remotely and do things that make me happy like ride horses and do yoga on the beach. I'm not trying to meet anyone, but occasionally I go on very, very casual dates, if you can even call them that.

Anyways. You may be alone, but you aren't the only one going through this, and other people make it through this. What one man can do, another man can do. If you're a reader, maybe check out The Myth of Sisyphus by Albert Camus. The audiobook is really good and sort of comforting to listen to if reading is too much of a lift. It's short too.

Chin up, chest out.

Sacramentardo · 2024-02-03T05:45:45+00:00

How are you getting 10-20 minutes of time with your kids per week? You have rights as a father. Demand your rights. Use the courts as needed to enforce them. In the rest of your time make sure you’re working on you. Your hobbies, your health, your future. Your marriage is over. It hurts and it sucks and it’s unfair but it’s time to move forward. There isn’t another choice.

Title	No purpose in life ?
Author	Beneficial-Donkey-10
Upvotes	12
Comments	9
Date	February 3, 2024 5:20 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1ahoiwg/no_purpose_in_life/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/no-purpose-in-life.1244465 https://theredarchive.com/post/1244465

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