Hey everyone, I'm 32 years old turning 33 in 3 weeks. I've been married to my STBXW since September 2020, so 3+ years, though the twist is we've been together for 17 years since we were 15 years old in high school. We still get along great, but the romance has fallen off for the past 1-2 years and although I was willing to work on it, she's calling it quits and doesn't want to settle for an unhappy marriage. We've been separated for just over a month, but divorce seems inevitable.

I don't necessarily blame her since we only get one life, although I wonder why she married me and is so quick to break it off without much effort, but some of our interests and priorities became different as we got older and it might be for the best. I love her so much and even though she was my first of everything, I also wanted her to be my last. She has a lot of friends and I don't suspect physical cheating has occurred, but she's definitely invested her heart into other people for the past few months which has killed me inside. Its also part of why I accept this relationship is over.

We never had any children which makes it slightly easier, although we are in that age gap where I really wanted to become a father and I want her to be the mother of my child. It just hurts so bad to have to start all over and likely move back in with my parents to get back on my feet. I haven't dated anyone else in my life and have been with her for my entire adulthood.

Where do I go from here? I'm planning on just focusing on myself for a while and spending more time with my family who I have mostly neglected since dating her in my teen years. I'm going to be an uncle soon, so I look forward to welcoming my niece/nephew into the world and being there for them. I think I need a dog to get through these times and explore what being single is like for a while. My pup can be my new wingman, maybe I'll name him Goose.

I'm secretly hoping that my STBXW gets her 'soul searching' phase out of her system, even if that means seeing other guys. I also secretly hope that its a disaster for her, and maybe in a couple of years she'll come back to me, because of course I want her to realize she made a mistake! I will likely try and meet other women eventually, but its not my focus right now.

I would like to meet someone a bit more compatible with my interests. My wife wasn't really into sports at all or living a healthy lifestyle, and I'm a sports nut and value eating right and getting in frequent exercise. I also play a couple musical instruments whereas she has never picked one up, and she's more into pop and rap and I like metal and EDM. I could see me being happier with someone who suits me a bit better, and is more of a homebody and less of a free spirit. I'm just always going to think of her though and I'm not sure if I'll ever get over my first love based on the amount of time we've been together and all the life experiences we've gone through.

Anyways, if you made it this far, thank you for reading. Any words of encouragement would help me get through this very difficult time. I've been tearing up and crying almost every day since separation, and she feels a bit more relieved of course because she's been having her thoughts of leaving for a lot longer than me as I've learned by reading about women in this exact situation. I never got angry, although I'm disappointed and would rather stay married, I can't force her to love me. She is her own person.