I am a woman.

I have used dating apps since their creation so when it comes to meeting men IRL I just... don't.

Apps bring out the most superficial version of people, myself included, and makes finding quality men virtually impossible unless you're a 10. Even then the most common type of men you'll come across are just ones wanting to score for a night or 2 before moving on and ghosting you. I can and do admit that as a woman I have a large pool to choose from compared to my male counterparts so some may take this post with a grain of salt. Nonetheless just because i have options doesn't mean they're good options. Im not looking for a 10 with abs and great hair. Just someone I can genuinely connect with even on a platonic level that just happens to be pretty darn cute to me.

I have tried different apps for several years now. Time after time and I have had only a handful of success and only one great relationship that didn't work out. At this point I really just want to be done with apps and try meeting men in real life social settings. But idk how or where to start. I don't mean places to go but actually talking to men in person for the first time. Rejection is something ive genuinely never had and that's only because of dating apps doing the filtering for me so I understand that will be the first hurdle and biggest to overcome. But how do I approach a guy? How do i start off conversation? How can i tell if he is in to me or just being polite?

I really do want genuine advice.

Update: im not sure how to do an update post or if anyone will even see this but i did have one kind gentlemen ask for an update and i have one!

I went to celebrate my sister's bday last weekend and we went out to the bars Saturday but i had no luck. There were a lot of people anyways and i can get easily overwhelmed so i mostly stayed with my sister and friends dancing or i just sat at the bar sipping on some tequila sunrise.

Sunday her friends were having a cookout and i was taking shots at the house party and when i drink i want to be social. The men at the party were mostly unavailable/not my type, so i got an uber and went back to the bar area i was at the night before. Surprisingly there were a few bars open late on a Sunday. The first bar i went to i immediately left after i got an overpriced drink (also a bunch of people/no one my type/closing early) so i went around the block to another bar and there were significantly less people. It was perfect.

I sat at the bar and got the same drink and this time it was more drink for half the price. I was so grateful to that bartender tbh cause he wasn't trying to rip me off. Tips were given.

Anyways i was sitting there for about 30-45 minutes before a guy came up to the bar to get a drink and started making smalltalk with me. I was decently drunk at this point and very comfortable so i figured id get some practice in with this guy just to see how I do with conversation. So i just start asking him questions about himself. He stammered the entire time. It was awkward but i kept a smile and listened. Truly wasn't sure it was cause he was drunk or being shy. He told me he was 38 and i was genuinely surprised cause he did not look his age but the age.

Conversation eventually died and i kept noticing this HANDSOME ASS MAN not too far from me and i figured id shoot my shot with him by just paying him a compliment. So i go to the bathroom to get away from the first guy and of course relieve myself and when i come back i tap the shoulder of the guy im actually interested in and tell him "i don't mean anything more by this but you are absolutely handsome!!"

He's grinning from ear to ear.

And i just keep gushing over him cause this man had a BEAUTIFUL smile. He starts getting bashful, hiding his face in embarassment but delight but still has that smile on. I'm loving just seeing him smile. He then tells me that he's actually really insecure so my compliment meant a lot to him and i was legitimately flabbergasted. This beautiful man is INSECURE!?!? ABOUT WHAT!?!? But i digress. We all have something we dont like about ourselves. The first guy eventually comes back and I chat him up a bit but at this point my attention is completely elsewhere.

So i don't drag this out anymore, the first guy asked me for my number and i gave it. I won't be responding to him due to him kissing me without consent afterwards when i was leaving. I didn't give him any physical cues that i wanted that. Also i was very drunk so kissing me under those conditions just rubbed me the wrong way.

The handsome one, i asked for his snapchat and hr actually gave it to me ☺️ he was very sweet ad to my surprise was looking out for me cause he noticed I had walked away from the bar for a bit. I just needed to not sit cause again, pretty drunk lol. unfortunately he got a call about his brother getting in to a car accident that night so his attention was focused on that and had to leave. He did message me about it and was happy i got home safe. :)

I really hope his brother pulls through. I'd love to see him again under a happier context.