When talking to girls, I do everything by the book.

Yet I’ve had 12 dates in a row where the girl blocked me afterwards.

It’s especially painful because I do everything according to the tutorials, so it should work perfectly.

I literally say nothing else than techniques. I lie about the things I do in order to be interesting. I force myself to be mysterious. I totally reshaped my personality. All this effort just to get girls, and it still doesn’t work.

And if you want to tell me that I need to be authentic – I would LOVE to, but I don’t want to mess it up. Often what I would want to say is the opposite of what I should say, according to the techniques.

All my happiness revolves around getting validation from girls. When I succeed, I feel euphoric. When I get rejected, I feel suicidal. It’s like a goddamn rollercoaster.

If you want to tell me to build a life not based around girls - I would LOVE to. However like many PUAs I went through trauma as a child, which left me with no solid identity – So I often have no idea what the authentic me would do or say. I don't know what I like. I also deal with toxic shame and extreme self hate, so I need to hide that. I just want to have sex becuase it feels amazing.

I found out about PUA 11 years ago, I was 14 back then. For those 11 years I’ve studied just about everything in this field, so it’s kind of ingrained in me already.

I just want some interesting girl to stick around. Just to see what it feels like to be loved.

Or even have a female friend! I would LOVE to be in the friendzone, just to see what it feels like to be accepted.

What am I doing wrong? Thank you.