Has Anyone Else Had their Dating/Sex Life Devastated by Mental Illness? How Did You Turn It Around?

thearbeast · 2022-03-29T19:34:46+00:00

[permanently deleted]

ShortStuffV2 · 2022-03-29T19:15:08+00:00

Hey. So, today's my birthday. I'm 33. Although a lot of people think of that as young, I feel that very much weighing on me and part of me feels like time is now against me.

I haven't had sex in nearly three years. A good part of that is by choice with women I'm not so interested in, but a lot of it is screwing up with women that have been at various stages of interest in me.

I slog through it. The days when there is radio silence, or worse, when there appears to be some interest only followed by more silence, are very hard. But what is different is post pandemic I feel much more empowered to do something about my situation.

I can, and I do lift those weights in that corner of my room.

I can, and I do pick up my guitar and do the stupid finger exercises and practice simple chord songs.

I can, and I do go out three nights a week and approach people I've never spoken to before in my life.

It starts by giving yourself as much control over your life as possible and then taking that control. Every step you take makes everything else hurt a bit less.

MentalCelOmega · 2022-03-29T22:00:10+00:00

I haven't been able to date ever because of childhood trauma and depression. I'm still not ready.

2022-03-30T00:05:01+00:00

I had some problems from around 16-20. Basically I got addicted to weed and porn and at the same time got kicked out from my dads house.Haven’t spoken to him since. All these things combined made me just isolate and basically not speak to anyone except my closest friends. During this time I had real bad social anxiety and I thought I was gonna die a virgin. Finally said enough and started training martial arts because I knew it would be good for my social anxiety, stopped watching porn. And now just recently I stopped smoking aswell. When I was in that period I didn’t realize how much social anxiety all these things gave me. Around 20 I started going out and being social again and I’m not gonna lie it took me a while to become comfortable socially again. Now I’m 26 and if you looked at me you would never guess I had these problems when I was younger, I look like the typical confident jock from the outside. The truth is it’s just these past couple of years I have started to feel “normal” again. Been with plenty of girls but still haven’t had a girlfriend, but I feel I might be ready for it. My point is if you start working on yourself and cut out bad habits and in a couple of years you will be a completely different person. Try meditating regularly if you haven’t I feel like for me it was the “last” thing I needed to clear up my head and thoughts, which made me a lot calmer and confident.

cormacru999 · 2022-03-30T01:33:47+00:00

I really don't understand why people don't choose therapy for their mental health issues. I mean I didn't because my old man was a psychotherapist & he decided that my issues were because I was inherently broken, that I was an insane, angry child, from birth & he raised me to believe that so I felt very strongly that he was crazy & I avoided therapy & meds.

Instead, I self medicated, with drugs, scotch, women, work & fighting. I wasted much of my life doing that until I was ready to die. I lost everything, started planning my suicide & when I applied for social services, just to survive long enough to not leave a mess when I killed myself, I was surprised that they offered me all the help I could ask for. I decided that I hadn't been sober since I was 14, & if there was a chance that I might not be so deeply unhappy if I was sober, did therapy & tried some psyche meds, I owed it to myself & my kids to try.

Been sober for over 14 years. My life has only gotten better but I did therapy for 6 years in a row, until I felt really stable. But life is life & I've put myself back into therapy this year.

We have dedicated an entire science to helping each other deal with the issues of life. Get into therapy. Your issues are just not about dating. You ability to date relies on your mental health but life is not good with a woman or bad without a woman & FAR too many men have entirely empty lives, desperate to find a woman to serve all of their human needs instead of developing good friendships with men AND women, dealing with their family relationships, finding hobbies or activities.

thereitisnow · 2022-03-30T01:50:01+00:00

Just want to let you know that I’ve been and am in a similar situation as you. One of the things I’ve learned is that compassion and acceptance are the ONLY way through. If you find you’re self lacking in that it means the old patterns from childhood are working their magic.

It’s hard enough feeling this way while at the same time feeling like it’s all your fault that you’re lonely or won’t ever be good enough. I highly recommend seeking a therapist that works with IFS or somatic therapy. Best of luck to you

LawnCash · 2022-03-30T03:07:49+00:00

Hey man,

I rarely comment but I was very much in your position and this is some practical advice I wish I had heard. Expect yourself to be a work in progress for at least a year, nothing will come fast. And nothing will come at all if you just sit and hope that time changes things - it won’t.

Here are some things that changed my life, research them and try them out for yourself.

Lifestyle changes: 1. Hobbies. 2. A consistent routine. 3. One useful thing, literally just one, that you do every single day WITHOUT compromise. (Practicing music, working out, etc.)

Therapy: 1. Hypnotherapy - severely underrated and much more effective than therapy and medication IMO. My social anxiety melted after just one session and it was self hypnosis. Follow recordings by Paul McKenna. 2. Exposure therapy. Start smaller than you think you should and work up your hierarchy very slowly. Consistency > volume always.

Hope this helps, lmk if you have any questions.

ExtremeNihilism · 2022-03-29T20:57:35+00:00

Yes. Women leave at the first sign of weakness, and in my depression I watched as the light left her eyes.

Stujitsu2 · 2022-03-29T22:59:56+00:00

Practice socializing without an agenda.

Practice meditation.

Close your eyes and pay attention to breathing in and out of your nose. Count each exhalation 1-10 then start over. In the beginning try to do 10 sets of 10 a day even if its just 10 at a time.

2022-03-30T01:40:24+00:00

Yes. I struggle with anxiety and depression that also comes with the side effect of binge eating. I’m obese because of it. Hurts the shit out of my game. I’m trying to improve myself some I’m happier and better with girls, but every time I eventually get derailed by anxiety, depression, lack of sleep, or binge eating. I need to seek therapy.

AyWhatITIS · 2022-03-30T03:55:40+00:00

Vitamin deficiencies. Correct them. Magnesium vitamin D, omega 3s, b12, iron and folate are your biggest offenders. Google optimal ranges not "normal" for example the average American omega 6/3 ratio is 16. The normal range is 5.7- 21. Ideal is 1-4. Shoot for under 4, mine is personally 3.5 last I checked. Nutrients are lacking because of over farming and monocroping in America and the west.

hnzosan · 2022-03-30T01:40:25+00:00

(Assuming you are) living in the US is depressing in itself. You had a great time abroad, maybe go again? You could volunteer with the Peace Corps, gain some work experience, live somewhere else, and be on a good footing to either go back to school or start work once you got back.

housebird350 · 2022-03-29T19:44:59+00:00

I dumped her.

HorusCok · 2022-03-30T02:47:13+00:00

Yes,. I fixed it by divorcing her.

the-devil-in-ri · 2022-03-29T22:40:19+00:00

I've had someone else's mental illness fuck up my dating life. Dated a narcissist on and off for 3-4 years and she absolutely obliterated any sense of confidence, motivation and happiness I had and I'm still trying to put myself back together. Broke up almost 2 years ago (and she continued to stalk me for like a year after that) and other than a couple random makeout sessions, I've been pretty much romantically dormant ever since.

MO_drps_knwldg · 2022-03-29T23:28:35+00:00

Focus on getting better for yourself first and foremost, dating is secondary

2022-03-30T04:09:18+00:00

Meds and medications

2022-03-30T04:39:38+00:00

yep, but it's wrecked every area of my life. literally every area of it. professionally. relationally. you name it. i don't like making excuses but i do feel like it's been so uncontrollable and devastating, it's partially out of my control.

solidsteak · 2022-03-30T06:34:02+00:00

Yup, from 15 to around 25 I used to get crippling anxiety whenever I interacted with the girl I liked. Like full blown panic attacks, nausea, vomit, the works. After medication and therapy I got better to the point of having a semblance of normal dating. It was rough for a while, but things do get better.

Live-Ad-6309 · 2022-03-30T08:50:14+00:00

Yup. Social anxiety disorder, likely caused by my lack of social skills resulting from autism.

When I was 18-20 I was able to push passed it and had some success with women. But after I was conscripted I relapsed hard to the point where I can't even approach anymore.

Title	Has Anyone Else Had their Dating/Sex Life Devastated by Mental Illness? How Did You Turn It Around?
Author	muckraker5799
Upvotes	134
Comments	37
Date	March 29, 2022 7:08 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/treu2k/has_anyone_else_had_their_datingsex_life/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/has-anyone-else-had-their-datingsex-life.1263387 https://theredarchive.com/post/1263387

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