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[–]Therocksays2020 39 points40 points41 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Got to rebuild your confidence. Get in the gym. Do you have any hobbies?
[–]curiouzzboutit 35 points36 points37 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Trust me it’ll get you leaps and bounds past where you are. It bleeds into all other facets of life if you commit to it. Pm me if you want a copy of great workout plan. Try it for 90 days and go from there. Won’t be easy. Quit being comfortable and taking the easy route with everything. Go through some hard times on purpose. No pain no gain. You got this.
[–][deleted] 12 points13 points14 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
May i add that the discipline you will learn in the gym will carry over into all other aspects of life as well
[–]McPac10 9 points10 points11 points 4 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
Gym is great but if you are also whiteout friends maybe other activities can be better for also socializing , Martial arts for example or crossfit ( nowdays there is plenty of amazing women there).
Also living whit your parents is not shameful or bad if you are alone or can't pay for a place for yourself , shameful is not being able to save money or being alone at home just because you are 30 Years old. Enjoy your folks they will no be there for ever.
[–]Nyx_Alternis 4 points5 points6 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Follow a gym routine that helps you with your mental and physical health.
You're 30,
Go to Comptia and get your A+, Network+ and Security+ certs. With no experience at all it should take you around 3 months each or less of studying to get your A+ and Sec+.
At most places you're talking about starting out easily around 55k to 60k a year. Most government contractor jobs in Cyber will hire you with just a Security+ cert.
From there decide what path you want to take in career advancement and start getting certs at your own pace, and you can easily be at 65k to 75k a year within 3 years or less. Especially in the government cyber or IT realm.
Even if you don't plan an staying on the government side, maintaining the certs will always guarantee you a good paying job if needed. And have numerous options for working from home with great pay and benefits.
Lastly maintain and do things that help you be happy and better yourself.
[–][deleted] 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
[permanently deleted]
[–]Nyx_Alternis 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
There are plenty of positions with minimal contact other than emails or digital platforms.
Just know the better you are at your job and articulating emails the less actual contact you will have with customers and supervisors.
[–]The-Bull89 5 points6 points7 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Forget about girls, right now you need to focus on self improvement.
Copy your post down and put it somewhere you can read regularly. Start working to change the things you don't like about that post.
You work part time... Ok so seems like the goal here is to work full time. Do you have any qualifications or skills that can get you a full time job? If not that's where you should start. Think about what job you'd like to do and work towards achieving it.
Your living at your parents... This is actually a huge positive. It shows you have a loving family who are willing to provide you with shelter until you can do so yourself. Take full advantage of this, and use the time at your parents to build your skills and save some money before you think about moving out. It's much easier to go back to education whilst living with parents than renting on your own.
Once you can build your life up to a point your satisfied then you can focus on girls.
[–]Known-Kitchen-2707 4 points5 points6 points 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
36 here, almost divorced, 3 kids, just moved back in with my parents. My wife just got a new bf. So now when my 6 year old daughter comes back she talks about him and tells me she misses my wife and him. I do have a decent job tho.
Moral of the story, my life sucks worse than yours.
Just kidding, or not. One step at a time man, and put yourself first.
GYM. Diet. Business.
[–]Known-Kitchen-2707 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Why do you think thinga are bad? ;) they're not bad at all .
[–]dontcallmelaterlv 9 points10 points11 points 4 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
Are you in america?
If so, don't blame yourself for a lot of this. Especially trying to get your shit together. It's becoming increasingly difficult to survive in America. Especially after covid.
I could relate to a lot of what you're saying. I too live with my parents. I don't even have a part-time job I mean, I do drive for Uber but still. 46 years old. Lost everything in the pandemic. My career doesn't exist anymore. Basically no friends. And women are not interested in me.
A lot of this comes from circumstances. And the circumstances are not necessarily your fault. Like I said it is extremely difficult to get back on your feet anymore.
And believe me I know, it'll bring you down to the lowest levels you possibly get. But I assure you, there's even lower than what you're at right now.
Unfortunately I do not have any encouraging advice for you. And I'm not going to tell you that things will get better. But I will tell you and take it for what it is, you're going to have to accept some things that are going on. Like shitty jobs or shitty jobs and depending on where you live there's probably not opportunities. These are accepting your limitations. Also understand that you're not in control as much as you wish you were. But that's not your fault. Seems from my perspective we are being controlled by other people. And trying to break that control is very different.
Try to find a distraction to keep your mind off of things. A hobby. A coping mechanism. Something or you will keep ruminating and spiraling downwards and it'll never change. (Unfortunately I do a couple dark side things to keep me occupied or else I'd be gone)
In terms of getting your shit together, pretend. Maybe look like you have your shit together and things will fall into place. Fake it until you make it.
Some of the things I tell myself to get through this shit is, for example;
If women aren't interested in me, I'm probably better off based off of past experiences and what I see other people go through. It doesn't cure loneliness, but it makes me realize I'm probably saving myself some stress.
I live with my mother, you live with your parents. We could be homeless you know.
I have no positive affirmations or anything about shitty part-time jobs LOL jobs suck.
Sorry you're dealing with shit man. I know the pain all to well.
[–]grzechoo177 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Don’t really want to put you down, it’s nothing about that my friend. I don’t know if it’s the right thing to do, but i always blame myself. No matter what. If things happened and fucked me up i believe that it’s my fault, i wasn’t prepared. Life wasn’t ever promised to go as planned, and from my experience it’s rarely going the way it was supposed to go. So if covid came up and totally destroyed you then you were too dependent bro, you had no control or a plan b. Any other fuckup could’ve done the same. I’m none of those control freaks, but i’m always roughly prepared for most obvious shit that can happen - losing a job, getting sick, my gov fucking me over, getting robbed etc. And i’m never dependent on things like career, job, money. I could lose everything in a day, but there are things like love, friends, family that nothing can take away from you. If you don’t have any friends since u lost your career then you hadn’t them before too. You’ve choosen money and work over people in your life, and this path led you to the point you are at. This is the way i would see it.
[–]dontcallmelaterlv -1 points0 points1 point 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
No. I vehemently disagree with you.
Let me illustrated for you. Imagine, I was minding my own business and driving to work one day. Meanwhile somebody makes a decision to buy a 500 lb concrete sphere and have it delivered to their house. The person driving the truck delivering this sphere neglected to tighten down the straps, therefore the sphere breaks loose and rolls off the truck and down the street, broadsiding me, Knocking me into a telephone pole and killing my infant son who is minding his own business playing with a plastic set of keys.
Does that mean somewhere before that I made a wrong decision or I fucked up? No. I had nothing to do with that anomaly. I just happened to be there at the wrong time.
Being said, two years ago I was minding my own business and going to work and doing my thing, meanwhile some rich assholes decide to fuck with a virus that gets released upon society. next thing you know some other rich assholes decide to shut down the country, leaving a bunch pencil pushing ancient local government process serving state workers to make decisions on whether or not I get unemployment even though I paid into it. Fighting for months because other people made other decisions to defraud the system, making it even more difficult for people who done their part to get what they deserved.
I don't see how any of that's my fucking fault. The only thing within that equation that I could possibly fucked up on is not making enough money to have an emergency fund. But really who does? Do you?
Me and many thousands of other people were simply there at the wrong time.
Now, after losing everything, and barely hanging on to a sane mental profile, people like me are expected just suck it up and go about their lives. Fuck off. I'm a man of balance and justice.
If I came walking down the street through a rock through your window, wouldn't you want me to pay for the damages?
Of course. If not then you're retarded.
This is the same scenario. I don't care if there was enhance the employment and stimulus checks. They don't make up for the fact that certain parts of my life were erased out of existence.
"Just find a new career man" "use this opportunity to change" yeah I get it, but fuck that. After the fact the cost of living is rising, cost of food is fucking rising, credit profiles are destroyed, capitalism is failing. And me, your suggesting I ignore it and toughen up. You have no idea how tough I fucking am. Put up in a lot of shit before covid, it just happens at covid comes along and I put my fucking foot down and say no more. I'm tired of adapting to changing conditions based off politics and greed. If you're fine with sticking your head in the fucking sand, then don't talk to me cuz I'm not fighting for you.
You're suggesting that I've done something wrong is fucking sickening you judging asshole. This tells me that you expect everybody's lives to be the same when in fact they are not because we are individuals doing our own thing.
I'm not trying to roll over when people fuck me in the ass as you suggest. I'm going to get angry over it because that's natural human response. And then I'll choose to become a lemming, or fight like the people who formed the country did.
*my life, career, location, and more have details that you don't know anything about, so don't speak upon them)
I am not going to take blame for any of this and I will not accept the responsibility of dealing with its aftermath. My life is completely and utterly fucked because of this. I'm not playing a victim role, I'm telling the fucking truth. I'm not going to sit here and hide it because of other people think they know what they're talking about or they're uncomfortable with negativity.
So not to bring you down, but fuck off. I don't need your opinions trying make a home in the community that is facts.
Furthermore, I was simply responding to the original poster. but every time I come on read it and just respond to an original thing, I get people like you chiming in when they're not asked to. So why don't you mind your own business. I did not ask for your fucking opinion. I did not ask for your fucking advice. And if I wanted it, I come knocking on your door for it.
So fuck off please.
[–]grzechoo177 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
No i’m really sorry if you took that personally, that was not my intention. As english is not my first language, i’ve never even learned it tho sometimes i don’t know how to express my thoughts properly. That was just my approach to life in general, i wasn’t judging you or anything.
I’m not gonna go into the covid conversation, i’ve never been to US, i don’t know how things are so i cannot tell shit. I’m also not trying. I’m also not trying to get in your shoes and act like a fucking dickhead or smth. I understand your point of view and i totally feel you, never ever would i say a single word to put you down, i would rather not say a thing. I just wanted that little conversation about how changing your approach to life and things, maybe revaluating them could help you and the others not get into that point in the future, because on my example - since covid i moved to another country, had 2-3 other jobs, some best vacations ever, got over addiction, i’ve had the most money in my life, and then had one of the worst moments in my life. And - with all the respect - i won’t believe it’s any worse in US in terms of goverment, covid and shit like that that it is in Poland. I just wanted to say don’t ever give your all to such stupid and worthless things like career or money.
Once again i really apology, i didn’t mean to offend you. All i wanted to say is just, don’t give up, and don’t feel like a looser. Take it as a fresh start, as you said yourself, you already lost everything so what’s the risk?
[–]grzechoo177 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Oh fuck somewhere between commenting and reading the post i must’ve forgot you weren’t op, that’s why i was about to have a little discussion about the situation, sorry tho my bad. Still i believe in what i said, just never meant to be judging or giving any opinion, that is not about that. Sorry if you felt like i was giving any opinion or advice, i get where your reaction came from. The misunderstanding was that i was sure i was talking to op, thats why i assumed that you might want to exchange points of view, or simply discuss different life approaches.
[–]porn-chicken 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Great insight. You are completely right. The commenter's response is a vulnerable one because you've touched a nerve. He obviously has some wounds he needs to heal.
However, I don't think blame is an adequate word. It's not about blame, which implies fault. It's about ownership, which implies responsibilty. By taking the ownership mindset you're inheriting the responsibility to act upon things. Instead of relying on luck, kindness, charity, or pity, you're now in the driver's seat and can directly dictate your life. It's a powerful mental model that highly disciplined people follow.
Thanks for that response. Indeed responsibility is more correct word to use. As i said english is not my first language and that’s why sometimes it’s hard for me to express my thoughts exactly the way i see them.
And about the whole thing - i learned it by observing people around me. Every single person on the planet had his ups and downs, we all had some major loses in our life. And i realised that none of them can ever say - right, i should’ve seen it comming, or something like i wasn’t good enough or whatever. There always is someone or something. There are random things that happen and affect us, of course. But if they are main factors standing behind your lose, then you should’ve bring strongwr cards to the table. Simple logic, but hard to admit for some people. I mean how can u ever improve when nothing in your life depends on you, if it’s all about luck it’s just gambling.
[–]MistahUndaCova001 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
What have you been doing in the 10 years prior to COVID-19 lockdown?
[–][deleted] 4 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]AAtmozfears 2 points3 points4 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Look on the brightside man, you're better off rn than same time as last year, e.g debt has been paid off and you are now looking to improve. That's an encouraging thought! Why was your break up so horrendous? All good if you don't want to get into it.
[–]Mutated_seabass 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I’m your age-ish (I’m 32) but it seems like our lives are almost identical. I bullshitted and partied away my entire 20’s too. I hit a metaphorical dead end in my life but discovered my passion and went back to school.
You need to find your life purpose. It’s actually a very difficult task for some.
[–]i_love_crazy_hobos 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Make a plan for yourself to do things one small step per day. You need to make small progress one at a time. Start out by doing what you can to move out of your parents. Move to a new state or something where it’s cheaper. Living with parents isn’t helping your mental health.
You can live with roommates even on minimum wage. Then, go out every day and talk to girls and learn pickup. I would check out some of Jordan Petersons vids about improving your life, and Leo’s vids in how to get laid:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=wqEsTPaUZF0
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=6DEGfopquio&t=532s
Also, come up with some career idea - any idea - that you can work towards. Just pick something and start going at it. Anything is better than nothing. iF you’re okay technically, learn to code, it’s got amazing career possibilities, and you can learn in spare time
[–]2udaylatif 1 point2 points3 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Get a full time job first of all. You need money. Part time isn't going to cut it for life sorry. Work. Work 40+ hours a week. Get a second job if you have to. You need to work and make real money. If your job sucks quit. There is a shortage of workers literally everywhere. Now is the time to get hired. Work Full Time. Places are dying for help.
Once you got some cash coming in start working out. Don't make excuses like you are too tired or have no time. WORK OUT. Get a gym pass to some 24 hour gym. Get your gym time in.
Now that you are working, making money, and getting in shape you can begin to change yourself. Do you want to live with parents? No? Start saving for a place of your own.
Now you are going to be living with parents and you want to have fun once in a while. Not too much because you are saving for a place to move out to. But you can find a cheap place to go hang and drink at. Get to know the manager and bartender. Show up introduce yourself, tip well, get their names, shoot the shit with them. Not gonna happen on one visit but over a few visits be cool, say hi, chat etc. Make friends with the bartender and manager over your visits.
Make friends at the gym. Ask someone for a spot. Spot for other guys. Be cool and chill. Over time get to know the people you see over and over. Introduce yourself and talk to them. Ask what days they work out. Tell them when you work out. Exchange contact info.
Within a couple months you can have a full time job, money in the bank, be a regular at a bar/bowling alley/etc, friends with the bartender/manager, workout friends, and on your way to moving in to a place of your own. Sounds better than moping on reddit about what you lost no offense. The whole process will feel better too because you will be taking action and moving toward goals instead of staying stagnant and thinking negatively.
Look forward to how you can get back on your feet stop thinking about what you lost. Looking at the past and what you lost doesn't help. Its gone. You want to better yourself? Start doing it. ACTION not thinking. Break it down into these doable steps like I laid out here. Its a process and will get better over time.
[–]Professional-Head83 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Do you have any skills? Anything you are interested in doing?
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I'm not at your age but been through the feelings you have for a bit ( around a year ). Ride it out, think of it as a season. It's temporary not permanent. Shit will naturally fall in to place. Definitely pick up and hobby or use this time for deep thoughts.
One day at a time buddy, one day at a time. It ain't easy, but it ain't impossible either.
[–]beastboi27 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I know the feeling..you aren't the only one. I pretty much have given up on having a fulfilling life..Since I believe that we are living in the freaking apocalypse, things just keep getting worse globally. The last thing on my mind is trying to build up my confidence and date someone.
[–]HallPersonal 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
maybe retrain at a community college? what are your talents?
getting a decent job is going to help you immensely
Your mojo is down! Focus on yourself. Get a haircut, or a massage. Things will workout.
[–]Kieldro 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
follow liverking on instagram
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[–]Therocksays2020 39 points40 points41 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]curiouzzboutit 35 points36 points37 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 12 points13 points14 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]McPac10 9 points10 points11 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Nyx_Alternis 4 points5 points6 points (2 children) | Copy Link
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[–]Nyx_Alternis 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]The-Bull89 5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Known-Kitchen-2707 4 points5 points6 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Known-Kitchen-2707 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]dontcallmelaterlv 9 points10 points11 points (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]grzechoo177 2 points3 points4 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]dontcallmelaterlv -1 points0 points1 point (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]grzechoo177 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]grzechoo177 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]porn-chicken 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]grzechoo177 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]MistahUndaCova001 1 point2 points3 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]AAtmozfears 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Mutated_seabass 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]i_love_crazy_hobos 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]2udaylatif 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Professional-Head83 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
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[–]beastboi27 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]HallPersonal 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
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[–]Kieldro 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link