How to stop being emotionally invested too fast?

DifferentField3335 · 2021-07-27T10:30:31+00:00

I see a lot of people treating the symptoms here while no one seems to get to the root of the problem.

See, I'll be brutally honest with you so don't mind me. I understand because I've been in this place multiple times in my life and it probably has everything to do with you while you're trying to realise it thru her.

What I see is that you're insecure and instead of cultivating a sense of security within yourself you're wanting her to provide that. Leaving the fact that it's not even the dynamic women want to have with a man, you need to have that dynamic with yourself. Simply put, you have to nurture yourself. What's the point of being busy if you're doing something but you're always thinking about her?

The next question is why, and how. You NEED to do this because if your sense of security lies outside, you'll ALWAYS be miserable. But conversely, if you did do that, you'll be seen (and you'll know it too) as a trustworthy person and chicks would want to invest in you (I'm assuming you eventually want a monogamous relationship).

Now to the how. This sounds super simple, even cliché but results are relatively fast. It doesn't happen overnight but it'll stick with you. You start fixing yourself, step by step. A good start would be working out, meditation and journaling (daily). Takes about an hour (20+10+30). It'll help you to understand yourself while constantly improving, in atleast a single area of your life. A good addition would be going on a date/ a week with yourself. Just you alone. Once you become comfortable with yourself and understand yourself, you enjoy your company. With time, other people would want to join too.

This probably was a little harsh but maybe I'm also talking to me because I have been in the exact same situation, multiple times (while relatively growing tremendously as a person) and this has always been my way out and up.

I pray you find what you're looking for man. Cheers.

hsmwill3 · 2021-07-26T19:41:50+00:00

My best advice for you in this exact scenario is to stop looking to see who has viewed your Instagram story.

There is actually no benefit to it, you can’t control it so it shouldn’t bother you.

If she replies she replies, if not, then not. You can’t control it, don’t worry, go about your day, week, month.

If she posts a story and you think it’s funny then tell her if you want, even if she hasn’t replied, same advice as above applies.

Don’t have any expectations from anyone and just try and enjoy being yourself pal.

TheSunshineMan · 2021-07-26T21:05:11+00:00

Get off of IG and social media.

You don't get to know a girl via online - you do that in person - ask her out.

Anything other than a hell yes what day and time and I'll be there is a no - move on and stop messaging.

Go and talk to other girls.

whodoesntgiveafuck · 2021-07-27T06:28:13+00:00

Talk to multiple girls. If you talk with one girl, you will inevitably be obsessed with her.

FireBreather2992 · 2021-07-27T10:01:16+00:00

One trick I used was STOP THINKING!! When you approach a girl and have a good conversation, you would be compelled to think about the conversation in retrospect then you will move to think about you guys together and from there you will paint imaginary pictures of your life together. Although, it takes a bit of practice but once the first scrap of those thoughts enter your mind STOP THEM RIGHT THEN AND THERE, DO NOT FANTASIZE!! Ideas are quite powerful if left unchecked, and can create or destroy your feelings.

Samleno412 · 2021-07-26T23:06:21+00:00

date more women or be busier

Accomplished_Roll_45 · 2021-07-26T19:04:47+00:00

Realize that you do not possess other people , she probably is just busy but you are not in a relationship. It’s not your business really what’s she’s doing.

Just go about your life. If she responds she responds. If not , oh well

Mischievous_Canary · 2021-07-26T22:01:00+00:00

I completely stopped checking who has viewed my stories, and recently turned off all activity settings on social media. Has stopped a fair bit of anxiety and meana you don't overthink as much (I'm a huge overthinker!!)

Knifeelbows20 · 2021-07-27T14:00:58+00:00

It’s the mindset of what’s next, what’s the future hold. You get emotionally attached because you are looking to the future too much. Girls do the same thing at times. Like the others said keep busy. Live your own life. But don’t do it for the future do it for the here and now. It’s super easy to get caught up in what’s next and what the future holds. But if you stay in a present mindset and enjoy NOW instead of LATER you will be a hell of a lot happier.

BluePsychosisDude2 · 2021-07-27T06:03:58+00:00

Probably a form of oneitis. I know that I used to just focus on one girl at a time, I'd always wonder in the back of my mind what she was doing and get sad when she stopped responding. Now I'm always actively trying to flirt with many girls, so I don't care as much if I lose one girl.

Conscious-Kick-6260 · 2021-07-27T03:55:11+00:00

Try being brutally honest with her, like telling her that if you won't reply to my story what's the meaning of all this, just say the first thing comes in your mind.

Hmmkey · 2021-07-27T08:55:41+00:00

My comment has little to do with actually stopping being emotionally to invested, but keep the conversations fun and spicy, if you are not escalating even over text by setting up a date for example women will lose interest fast.

mgn_will · 2021-07-27T15:21:28+00:00

Dude you remind me of myself a couple days ago lol I was talking to some girl online and she even sent me nudes then we stopped talking and yeah I was hurt for 1-2 days after that. I watched some videos and then realized that if you are hurt after a couple days of talking to a girl and she leaves you on read for 15 hours, then this literally shows your value(low) the fucking high value male goes out and talks to his other 2-3 girls, works out, does anything else to benefit him.Did you establish a man to woman connection during the interaction, because if there is none and you are hurt this makes literally no sense.

FrankenBeanTheGreat · 2021-07-27T18:06:08+00:00

Not sure how old you are but given the Insta and social media anxiety I'm guessing pretty young so here's what I learned in my media communications and culture degree.

People project their deeper anxieties onto people's actions on social media rather than thinking about things logically.

Insta stories are viewable via facebook whereas messages are not so while she can quickly view what people are up to with little time, energy or thought via a story, DMs require going into Insta, deciding you have time and energy to respond and communicate and write a response. People ignore messages so that they aren't left on read if they decide they don't actually have the time or energy to engage in a conversation.
- You need to disconnect your anxiety of personal rejection from microbehaviours online that you interpret as rejection. You are chatting well, yes, but there are a lot of influences at play: she could be busy, she could be not wanting to come across as too eager, she may have genuinely interpreted ypur chatting as just casual and friendly with nothing more etc. You cannot go: "I am interested in her, she is not responding as fast as I would if I were interested in someone, therefore she must not be interested in me" because that is seeing things entirely through your own perspective and not just engaging with her as an interesting person with her own life.

You seem to place a lot of added meaning and value on your messages but what may be a high indicator of interest to you, may be negligeable to her. If you like this girl, actually get to know her, not just as a prospective partner but as a person. Maybe she doesn't actually like Insta that much, maybe she isn't looking for anyone to date right now, you don't know.
You need to work on your self worth to be better emotionally independent in dating and flirting. What I mean by that is it should be a case of, if a person doesn't respond, you should feel neutral about it, they are an independent person, view interactions as neutral but positive, it is nice getting to know people, even if it doesn't lead anywhere.

rayjensen · 2021-07-27T18:08:06+00:00

I get how you feel. I was pretty sad when a girl that I went out with a couple times stopped talking to me. I don’t go on a lot of dates so it sucks.

You gotta just take that as motivation to get better and more confident. Start working out, make some money, do well in classes or your career. That stuff all builds confidence which makes you more attractive.

And if they don’t see that then you just keep working hard and in a couple years they will regret passing you by.

Ohhhwordddd · 2021-07-27T21:30:30+00:00

Have an abundance mind set, if she was into you she’d text you. Friendly conversation gives higher chances of getting friend-zoned. Get to know her on a date not thru text. Taking stages are outdated anyways

MeganeDaikenja · 2021-07-28T20:28:28+00:00

Gonna follow this trend cuz I'm sure hell I'm insecure. I'm a girl and I do fall easily too. Let's on ourselves so other things would follow. It's not an easy task to love yourself and to look for yourself because we always want to be recognized by someone else, loved by someone else and take care by someone else. If this is our mindset, we won't survive for too long. Time to take care and love ourselves so we could love and know what love deserves us :3 I'm here with you. let's take the journey of self love

Title	How to stop being emotionally invested too fast?
Author	Samleno412
Upvotes	13
Comments	31
Date	July 26, 2021 7:01 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/os5ixz/how_to_stop_being_emotionally_invested_too_fast/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-to-stop-being-emotionally-invested-too-fast.1279602 https://theredarchive.com/post/1279602

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