What are the essentials for being attractive to women? What are the things you should have in check to be successful? As far as physically and mentally what should you possess as a man?

UnknownSoldier11 · 2017-02-08T02:17:24+00:00

I'm looking for the important things to have to be attractive to women. Such as dress well,smell good. What would you guys say these are?...

[–]afiefh 22 points23 points24 points 9 years ago (31 children) | Copy Link

[–]olronk3 points 9 years ago [recovered] (30 children) | Copy Link

[–]abstractpickupartist 2 points3 points4 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]olronk1 point 9 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

Either get up and do, or crawl into a hole. But stop with the excuses.

Well I pretty much realized this about two years ago so I decided instead of wallowing about it I should do something about it. Like you said, get up and do. So I started improving myself consistently, focusing on what I can control such as my weight, lifting, my career, etc. and still am going strong on that and it's really changed my life.

It's not your looks that are holding you back, it's your excuses.

You may be right, I'm not really sure to be honest. I just feel like there are other guys who look better than me and have more to offer to if I wanna compete with what women my age have to choose from then I gotta step it up no?

Look the best that I can, be in the best place in my life as I can be so that I can be more presentable is my plan.

Get out and interact. You've done the hard work, you've done great stuff. Now keep going, go out and get the benefits.

No sure if I'm at the point to get the benefits because I don't feel that I've reached my goal that I set for myself. I haven't really had any luck with women since I started to improve so either I'm doing something wrong or I still have a lot of work to do.

Either way I'm not stopping on making my life better, there's too many things that I do enjoy in life with or without someone to share it with.

[–]JesleyH 1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link

[–]olronk4 points 9 years ago [recovered] (6 children) | Copy Link

[–]exodeadh 5 points6 points7 points 9 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]olronk1 points 9 years ago [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]exodeadh 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]JesleyH 2 points3 points4 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]abstractpickupartist 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Privateer781 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (19 children) | Copy Link

[–]olronk4 points 9 years ago [recovered] (18 children) | Copy Link

Well there is a such thing as conventional attractiveness.

There are people who are objectively unattractive. I used to be overweight, that's not attractive, so I lost weight, then I was skinny-fat, that's unattractive so I started lifting as hard as I could and just now have good enough muscle definition to feel better about it but it's still nothing compared to what other guys go going on so that's an area that I need to work on more.

The reason I say there is a conventional unattractive ness is because so far I've gone over 24 years without one woman liking me so I'm a testament that there are some men that women don't like.

I've been super skinny, overweight, and now in decent shape. Neither of which peaks the interest of any woman so I need to put in work and improve myself to meet somebody's standard.

I enjoy a lot of time to myself, my close friends and family always invite me to join them and I get along with every person at my job. I don't think I'm unknowable or else people wouldn't seek me out to hang out. Unfortunately women are the ones who never seek me out but I'm used to it at this point.

[–]Privateer781 2 points3 points4 points 9 years ago (17 children) | Copy Link

[–]olronk3 points 9 years ago [recovered] (12 children) | Copy Link

[–]Privateer781 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link

[–]olronk2 points 9 years ago [recovered] (10 children) | Copy Link

[–]Privateer781 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]olronk3 points 9 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]afiefh 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link

[–]olronk1 points 9 years ago [recovered] (6 children) | Copy Link

[–]afiefh1 point 9 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]olronk1 point 9 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]afiefh1 point 9 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]olronk2 points 9 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

Well if it was that easy to rectify your situation then you really didn't have anything holding you back at all. Seems like you had all the requirements from the get go thankfully.

I seriously envy you in that regard as I'm not so fortunate.

I'm 24, never had anyone interested in me so I figured I needed to change something to meet some standards.

About two years ago I started losing a ton of weight and lifting regularly, worked hard at my career and set goals for myself that I shattered last year.

This year I'm hoping to keep improving myself and my quality of life and see how far I can go. With the end goal being to at least get a date someday hopefully, but the date goal will probably be for 2018 seeing as I still have a lot of work I gotta do currently to compete with what other guys my age are currently offering.

[–]afiefh1 point 9 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

Well, there was a lot holding me back. I could barely talk to other people because (yes, I was an arrogant little fucker) I thought everybody was more boring than rocks to talk to and had the intellectual capacity of roaches. Took me a long time to learn how to deal with smalltalk, figure out areas of common interest with my peers, learn to dress fashionably (or at least not terribly, don't think I was ever fashionable). I was skinny as fuck, at 180cm weighted 65KG, never lifted more than my school bag.

Your challenges are probably different, so your path there is different, but I still stand by my word: Confidence is the main thing. I still don't lift. I still don't follow fashion. I still think most people are dumb. I could probably be more successful if I put more effort into these things, but I am satisfied with my success in the area and think that other things are more important than getting more pussy. (+ I got married last year, but those decisions are 5 years old)

This year I'm hoping to keep improving myself and my quality of life and see how far I can go.

Well, my advice is to go out, try to enjoy yourself and be confident. That's how you get friends and attract mates.

[–]olronk2 points 9 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

I'm sure there were some things but if you were able to figure it all out by 11th grade then there wasn't much holding you back from doing what you wanted.

I mean like you said you don't have to lift or do any of that stuff to attract women so you're one of the guys fortunate enough that you look good enough to where women are just attracted to you period.

I'm obviously not one of those guys so guys like me have to put in a ton way more work than men who are naturally better looking like yourself. We have to compete with what you guys were given and it takes way longer for us to figure out how to start.

I'm very glad you figured it out and found the love of your life but understand there are men who aren't as lucky.

I have been enjoying myself a ton, these past 2-3 years of my life have by far been the best and most prosperous. But that's not the kind of stuff that attracts women apparently given how despite all my success, personal and material, women still don't like me after all these years so all that means is I still got a ways to go before I can qualify for dating and all that.

[–]JimBeamAndCoke2016 1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]Privateer781 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]JimBeamAndCoke2016 1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]Privateer781 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–][deleted] 9 years ago* (23 children) | Copy Link

[–]olronk3 points 9 years ago [recovered] (9 children) | Copy Link

push boundaries and be commanding.

Honestly, if you're not good looking these come off as creepy and pushy. I've seen many many people do this and it's very uncomfortable for me to see let alone how she or her friends must feel. I've seen people leave a place because of it.

You can be short and fat, with the right body language and amount of confidence be much more attractive to a woman then the nervous great looking dude with sweaty palms.

This one isn't really true. A nervous hot guy will always get attention whether he tries or not, if you are out of shape or short or something you need to have something else to compensate for that shortcoming. You can be as confident as you want but at the end of the day if you cannot offer her more or if you offer her the same that that other men do women will always go with the hotter guy because they have what you don't.

If you want a perfect example of how women are more attracted to good looking men than average look at the most popular male celebrities with women. Women will always look for the best partner for them, you have to understand that they have their pick and you're the one competing.

i have seen some skeezy looking/smelling dirtbags with good looking women and its because they have confidence.

This is my point, if you are good looking enough then you don't have to follow the rules that other less fortunate guys have to work on.

[–][deleted] 9 years ago* (8 children) | Copy Link

[–]olronk1 points 9 years ago [recovered] (7 children) | Copy Link

I said this in the context of a coffee date. If you've gotten that far regardless of what you see in your self she must find you attractive to some degree or you wouldn't be on the date.

OK see you're kinda getting ahead of me. I'm 24 years old and never had a chance to even go on a date. So I cannot be thinking of dating/sex/relationships or any of that jazz.

Just like everything people succeed in, I need to take baby steps. Learn the basics before I jump ahead of myself.

I've never had a woman attracted to me so thinking in context of a coffee date is already thinking in a context that doesn't exist. I need to first become attractive in order for someone to find me attractive. That's what I'm currently working on.

You don't need to be physically attractive though.

I don't know if I believe this. Have you ever seen a woman date someone she wasn't attracted to?

Isn't that an oxymoron? I mean no person (man or woman) wants to date someone they're not attracted to, that's the whole reason why people say no in the first place.

In order for a woman to like you and want to date you they need to be attracted to you. If you're not attractive that's just not gonna happen. You can't force her to like you, she either does or she doesn't.

I am currently working on become as attractive as I can in order to compensate for my lack of looks genetically. Because I have a lot to compensate for I need to work harder for now to get a good place in which hopefully someone will find me attractive. I've worked on myself for about 2+ years and that has still yet to happen so all it means is that I have more work to do that I originally thought.

I have two options, cry about women's standards and how they only wanna date attractive people (who doesn't) OR I could take charge and focus on the things I can control like my diet, lifts, clothes, etc and put in work to do my best to make myself more attractive.

I don't really know what you're saying with the whole lions, beta, harlot & douchebag thing but I'm going to summarize it down to the fact that obviously women want the best genes to move on so they pick the ideal partner to pass those genes onto right?

So that's kinda my issue. My genes are not what women find attractive, so in order for me to counter act my bad genes I need to work to be attractive in some other way to balance out my bad genes.

Now I probably won't be able to pass on my genes because, like you said, women want to best genes to pass on and obviously mine aren't the best so I don't think my bloodline moves on. But that doesn't mean I can live my life happy and healthy and my goal really is to at least go on a date someday.

At least that way I'll know that I met someone's standards and they gave me a chance. That I wasn't completely hopeless you know?

Yes it does suck to get the message after 24 years of women not liking you but at the same time not everyone can be winners. And we have to learn to take the good with the bad.

If I'm one of the guys who carries genes that aren't meant to be passed on then that really sucks but as I said before, that doesn't mean I can't enjoy every other facet of my life from here. There is more to the world and with or without me here the world will keep going.

As of right now, I'm doing what I can to improve my everyday life, be happy, smile, keep breaking my limits at the gym and in spirit and if I meet a woman's standards one day then that'll be a good day.

Until then, these are all good days my friends, any day that we get up, do out thing and come back home safely enough mess around and have fun on the internet, is a great day.

[–][deleted] 9 years ago* (6 children) | Copy Link

[–]olronk1 points 9 years ago [recovered] (5 children) | Copy Link

Essentially they're saying your standards for a partner are not women's standards.

Well to be honest I don't really have any real set predetermined standards for a partner. I mean sure you want someone you like and are attracted to but by no means do I feel I want a super model or anything. I mean I'm not the best looking guy myself so it's not really fair for me to be picky. I know that people are normal and we all have faults, no one is perfect and that's honestly the best thing about people is finding out what differentiates them from everyone else.

I've seen women that are considered average, or even ugly by some people's standards when I overhear them talking but I'm like really? How? I would love for them to be my friend and get to know those people, sure they're not the best looking women ever but they don't have to be.

But I do feel that men think this way more than women. I know men who prefer women to be heavier, or have features that would otherwise be considered bad facially and all that.

I think the reason because is there will always be multiple men that women get to choose from but that is rarely the case for men, so I think that's why men are less strict on what they consider attractive.

When people say that women don't care about looks then all you have to do it point to who the most popular male celebrities with women are and you can clearly see that women prefer men who look really good or are considered hot.

think hard about what your strengths are and play to them.

When I started improving 2 years ago I had no strengths. I was overweight, had little to no muscle, lived in crappy apartment with a dead end job and didn't take care of my hygiene. There was nothing there worthwhile.

Now I have my own house, my dream job, still breaking PBs in the gym, I am still about 20lbs overweight from my BMI so that's one thing I need to get down to target, but other than that I've been great since then.

I do have more strengths now than ever before but I still haven't had any luck with women so I either am doing something wrong I still have way more work to do on myself before I can compete.

But that's what I'm working on, assessing what I have and what's left for me to tackle to become a better person and hopefully one day meet some woman's standards.

what they want in a mate is not the same as what you want in a mate.

I've never been in a relationship before, or on a date for that matter, so I have no idea what women want in a mate.

But I know for sure what I want in an ideal mate. Someone who I can talk to, trust and have fun with. My job sometimes sends me to cool locations to help their stations run an event, they pay for my flight and everything and they give me two tickets each time.

I'm always a bit sad that they assume I have someone to take, but then I cheer myself up by giving somebody a free plane ticket that I won't be using lol.

I want someone to share my experiences with someone, take her with me to these places and have fun. I want to help her when she needs me, I want to get to know her life, who she is and how I can make her life better as she does the same for me. Let someone know that I can love somebody and do what I can to make them feel just as loved.

There doesn't need to be any pressure or oppressive rules, it should be something that we both wanna do together. To be with each other and unconditionally care for each other.

That's all I want really. Yes, it's cheesy, it's dumb and you're most likely right. What I want in a mate is most likely not at all what women want in a mate so that says something about me I assume. I guess I just hold out hope that there could be someone who does feel the same way.

[–][deleted] 9 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

[–]olronk1 points 9 years ago [recovered] (3 children) | Copy Link

Yea, I fully understand why women go for the best looking most alpha men simply because their genes pass on. That's nature.

Honestly one of the things that I'm contemplating is that maybe my genes aren't good enough to pass on. I look this way because this is where my bloodline stops and cannot go any further because of all the stuff you listed as to why there are men that some women just don't like. Aka they won't date/ have relationships and eventually not have kids.

What's considered desirable genes are the ones that get passed on.

I may be wrong on the message you're trying to tell me with all this but if I read it right you're saying that my genes are sebpar and I'm one of the beta males who women do not like?

Do you have any passions at all?

My main passion is for my job. I love broadcasting. Radio, TV, etc. I like timing and handling broadcast systems. Like just one tiny example is that I think it's super cool that we can still fool people over the radio by playing a helicopter noise in the background and muffling someone's voice and people call in thinking they're in a live helicopter.

Just small things like that I think are cool. In a world where google can tell you everything I think it's fun that little magic tricks like that still work.

Other that my job I love weight lifting, building computers, video games, old movies, I love pool and chess.

Play to your strengths if you can improve your weaknesses with minimal effot do so otherwise avoid or outsource situations you will fail at. Use your passions to guide you where you need to go in life.

I don't feel I really have any strengths right now but that's the whole reason as to why I've focused so hard on improving myself in the last 2 years. So I can cultivate strengths and hopefully, one day have real strengths to play on.

My passions have led me to my dream job and I've worked hard at it. Recently got a great promotion and I always look forward to going in and doing something fun and different everyday. Definitely work that I'm proud of.

I think your buying the Disney romance line my friend. I did too for a long time myself.

Well I understand that not everything is perfect roses like in movies and cartoons.

I know there are ups and down to people's relationships. No relationship is guaranteed to last forever or end amicably and all that.

But I wish I could experience that though. Even I had the chance to I'd like to be in a relationship and let's say it ends badly. Sure I've seen how it hurts people but they learn from it. I've never gotten a chance to have that experience.

I don't want a happily ever after story with no bumps on the road. I want an emotional connection with a woman one day, and if that means we have bad times then at some point I hope it means we had good times as well.

Just like everything in life, we take the good with the bad. All I really want is a chance to get to know someone on an emotional level.

[–]SAMSON_AITE 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

I may be wrong on the message you're trying to tell me with all this but if I read it right you're saying that my genes are sebpar and I'm one of the beta males who women do not like?

Your the result of 4 billion years of evolution my friend. You just need to find your nitch. There isn't anything inherently better in the alpha male sexual reproduction strategy vs the beta male strategy. Most people ultimately feel empty if all they do is sleep around and on the flip side if you commit to the first person that will take you will always wonder how things might have been otherwise. I don't mean to make you feel bad going over the various sexual strategies i just figure being aware of the way things work on a conscious level might be helpful in deciding what path is best for you to follow.

I don't feel I really have any strengths right now but that's the whole reason as to why I've focused so hard on improving myself in the last 2 years.

It sounds like you listed a whole bunch of strengths:

Other that my job I love weight lifting, building computers, video games, old movies, I love pool and chess.

You also have a very solid career with some awesome perks. Seriously whose work just gives them plane tickets?

Even I had the chance to I'd like to be in a relationship and let's say it ends badly. Sure I've seen how it hurts people but they learn from it. I've never gotten a chance to have that experience.

You'll get there. Honestly i'm surprised your still having trouble. How is your social circle? You might consider following the social variants of your passions. If you can develop a larger group of friends that's more opportunity to meet people.

On top of all that you will find women are going to be more interested in committing as they run into the wall. Work on your career, your household and social life and their biology seeking security will start to play heavily in your favor. In either case look at it as something that will happen don't give up just stay the course, itll all pay off eventually.

[–]olronk1 points 9 years ago [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link

Your the result of 4 billion years of evolution my friend. You just need to find your nitch.

If what you're saying about me being beta is true then how is it possible for me to carry on genes if women are attracted to alpha males as you say?

Doesn't really make much sense to me but I'm just going by what you're saying here. I mean I am 24 years old and the whole dating phase that people go through is kind of past me so I'm sure there is some truth to the whole betas not reproducing bit.

It sounds like you listed a whole bunch of strengths:

Are those really strengths though? I don't think video games and computer knowledge is a strength when it comes to what women want in a man. Especially and alpha man or whatever.

Pretty much every guy goes to the gym, pool, chess and guitar are mostly just hobbies. I'm no super passionate about them I most do it for fun when I can. I love playing vs other people who know about pool and chess.

You also have a very solid career with some awesome perks. Seriously whose work just gives them plane tickets?

Well yea, I worked really hard to get started in broadcasting here in my area. Given how it is a major market I had to start by being a promotions assistant (fancy title for roadie/errand mule) and now have a great job. The plane tickets are mostly when they hold the big iHeart events and they need me there to help set up equipment and troubleshoot, it's fun but like I said somewhere else I do get kind of sad when they give me two tickets because they assume I have someone to go with lol. But I use that opportunity to make someone's day by giving away a plane ticket to the event.

You'll get there.

Don't think it's a guarantee that I'll ever "get there", I'm definitely not counting on it to happen out of the blue because that just not how it works. Just like with everything in like you have to put in work to receive something. I was unfortunate enough to have bad genes and look not so handsome. Ok, instead of crying about it, how do we fix it? By putting in work and doing your best. If your best still isn't good enough for women at least you know you did what you could in your power to try, and that's all you can ever ask of yourself.

Honestly i'm surprised your still having trouble.

I appreciate the words but I'm not really sure what makes you say that, you haven't really seen pics of what I look like, although you seem like a great person. I'm pretty tempted to post it just to give you an idea of what I'm talking about.

How is your social circle? You might consider following the social variants of your passions. If you can develop a larger group of friends that's more opportunity to meet people.

I have a close group of friends that I hang out with. Mostly friends from high school. Most of my passion don't really have a social variation. There definitely isn't a computer building/live broadcasting set up group in my area and if there were it's probably the last place you'll find a woman at lol.

The only people I really play chess with are the older people outside of the building that I work at, very very nice people and I learn a lot from them such as life advice and positive vibes.

I do frequent a local pool hall as I know the owner. But pool halls are, well.... pool halls. Nothing gets the ladies' attention like a game of pool lol. You will for sure not find any women there.

The only other place I spend more time that work is the gym. No one wants to be bothered at the gym. You get in, put your headphones on, do your sets and leave. Most people don't wanna spend any unnecessary time at the gym, or be bothered in the middle of a set.

On top of all that you will find women are going to be more interested in committing as they run into the wall. Work on your career, your household and social life and their biology seeking security will start to play heavily in your favor.

To be honest. I would feel really, really bad if the only reason a women would pretend to be with me is for money or my house. I think that's the same as giving up. Purposefully letting someone mooch off me when it's clear that they have no care or love for me at all, only caring about my possessions. I don't know if I can willingly let someone do that to me.

In either case look at it as something that will happen don't give up just stay the course,

As I said before, nothing in life is certain. If I had the mentality of "no matter what I do I'll find someone who likes me one day" I would never try and improve myself. I would just sit around and keep being a slob that I used to be. At least this way if a woman never likes me in my life I'll know I did what I could in my control to try and change that.

itll all pay off eventually.

If you mean my work that I've put in. It's already paying off. I'm no longer obese. Got money to spare, finally paid off my house and have more freedom now, look & feel better than ever before.

My personal life is only getting better everyday. How women see me romantically? That still hasn't changed, either it take way more to impress them or I haven't done enough work on myself to counter act what I look like. Either way I still go on.

[–]UnknownSoldier11[S] 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (12 children) | Copy Link

[–][deleted] 9 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link

[–]UnknownSoldier11[S] 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link

[–]SAMSON_AITE 1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link

[–]olronk2 points 9 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]UnknownSoldier11[S] 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link

[–][deleted] 9 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

[–]UnknownSoldier11[S] 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

[–]SAMSON_AITE 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago* (3 children) | Copy Link

There's a range of ways they'll hit on you. When you start looking and feeling better about yourself everyone, both men and women start being nicer to you. Like literally they will smile, laugh, and joke with you more. Since i seriously started working out about 5 years ago i've talked myself out of 4 tickets (and 3 parking tickets on a campus though im friends with the head of security there so that helps) (it sounds like a lot but i drive 40k miles a year so maybe that mitigates it a little) Before that 0 and i had been pulled over about 4-5 times. Women start getting curious about who you are dating. If you tell them your seeing someone they ask how long, whats she do? is she cute? things like that by themselves they dont mean much but i didn't get those questions when i was more average looking. I had an older lady try to set me up with a young good looking nurse who is my age, a few ladies have tried to set me up with their daughters i am engaged so i just laughed and said my fiancee might not like that much on those occasions. The cute girl at subway dropped hard hard hints about how she broke up with her boyfriend and did i know someone who might like to go out like 3 times in the time it took to make me a sandwich.

[–]UnknownSoldier11[S] 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]SAMSON_AITE1 point 9 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

I would say game gets easier the less you care. It is a huge roller coaster when you start the "what if i'm rejected" thoughts and feelings can really suck but the less you care the easier it gets the less you take things personally. Your example of hitting on your coworker for instance. You're making the assumption that it was your fault she didn't say yes. You must have done something wrong. Maybe you waited too long you aren't attractive enough. The more you put yourself out there the more you will realize that people are just people.

Most likely you were fine you had a nice conversation with her and she enjoyed talking to you. She may even think your charming and attractive but maybe she has feelings for somebody else or is getting over some issues of her own or just doesn't want a relationship with someone she works with. it may seem fickle to you from your point of view but if shes cute she probably gets hit on pretty often so something like oh i work with him is a big deal breaker when you can just go out with the next cute guy that hits on you whom you also dont work with.

Don't misunderstand me you should try to learn from your successes and failures but at the same time try to not lose perspective and browbeat yourself to the point where your self esteem suffers. Give yourself the freedom to fail. Look at where you need to improve and make a plan to do so. I like you felt awkward talking to people so i just made a rule for myself: talk to strangers when i could. It was a little awkward at first but eventually i found it got easy and i would feel good about it then the rule was make them smile and that was great because i brightened someones day and i got to pat myself on the back for being clever. When i failed and it was awkward it was in a situation that did not matter at all and had no consequences. The next step was to bring those skills into play with women. after a while of doing that you really do care less about how things go so you are more relaxed and so things are more natural and your success goes up considerably.

I think your stuck on looks. I do think game got easier when i was attractive but (for my experience) its a case of "what came first the chicken or the egg" was i more successful because i was more attractive? Or (and this is what i now believe to be true looking back) was i more successful because i felt attractive and therefore had more confidence and was more assertive. 6 months of gains at the gym really didn't make me look that different but it made a huge difference in how i felt and that drastically affected how i behaved.

[–]UnknownSoldier112 points 9 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]UnknownSoldier11[S] -1 points0 points1 point 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]simpledimple36 points 9 years ago [recovered] (19 children) | Copy Link

I'll be completely honest, I'm doing a million things at once right now, so while my post may lack focus, I'll still provide my honest opinion.

Hygiene is non-negotiable. And how you dress isn't a huge deal, but just don't be sloppy looking. Though I will say, I catch the eye of more women when I suit up. So there's that.

From what I have experienced, attraction is never a one way street. Do you think the Saudi girl, the lawyer, and the stripper are all out for the same thing? No way. There is more than one way to skin a cat.

Who is the better artist? Warhol? Basquiat? Banksy?

Sorry for this terrible non answer. Bernie Sanders or Ted Cruz? Simply put, different people like different things.

I'll leave off with this. One of my favorite movies is Def Jam's How to be a player. Now while this isn't something to watch for seduction material, there is one quote that has always stuck with me. "You must be able to adapt."

Gain the social skills to figure out what she is responding to and give it to her. Should you be the flame or the ember? That's all I've got. Go get em.

[–]UnknownSoldier11[S] 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (18 children) | Copy Link

[–]RecentlySingleAgain 5 points6 points7 points 9 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

[–]UnknownSoldier11[S] 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]UberiDenari 1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]olronk-1 points 9 years ago [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]RecentlySingleAgain 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]olronk1 point 9 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]simpledimple3 1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]UnknownSoldier11[S] 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]olronk1 point 9 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]speerme 1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link

[–]olronk4 points 9 years ago [recovered] (3 children) | Copy Link

Put in effort, dress decently, act confident and love yourself and the women will come.

I'm 24 years old, about 2 years ago my doctor told me I was overweight.

I know I'm not a good looking guy, and instead of wallowing on my lack of good genes and just started focusing on what I can control. My diet, exercise, lifting, clothes, hygiene, money, etc.

So for 2 years I went to the gym, rotated out my wardrobe, worked a ton at my career and now have a lot of fun doing it. I finally paid off my house last year I've lost 80lbs of fat, my current goal in the gym is to hit the 300 squat club (currently only 288), I still need to lose about 20 odd lbs to hit my target BMI & yet I have never felt better in my entire life.

Everday since I started improving myself my quality of life has gone up and up.

But saying that having a fulfilling life and women will come is just silly really. I know my situation, I know that I have a ton of work still to go before I can compete with all the other guys women have to choose from.

I get it, and that's why I'm focused on improving myself. But I would not recommend someone start doing this to get women.

Because I've never had a girlfriend before or been on a date for that matter, and even though my quality of life has gone up about 100% it still doesn't translate to what women find attractive.

If you're a not-so-good looking guy like me, just know that there is work you can do to make your life better outside of women not liking who you are. There are other very big positives in life even if you're not liked.

[–]speerme 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

While I agree with a lot of this and I think it's great that you have been improving yourself so much, looks really aren't as important as you think... At least in the sense that you don't have to look like Ryan Gosling or be 200 pounds of pure muscle to get girls.

Of course you should improve yourself for YOU and not for other people, but at the same time women will take notice as you're improving yourself.

You say you've never had a girlfriend or been on a date before but I guarantee you if you went out to a bar/public place you'd at the very least meet women and from their possibly date or whatever you are going for.

Im willing to bet you aren't as unattractive as you think you are, and even if you're "ugly", ugly people go on dates and get laid all the time.

And I say the "women will come" but you still have to put in the effort and talk to women. Keep improving yourself, keep talking to and asking out women, and give it time and you'll be fine.

[–]olronk1 points 9 years ago [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link

You're right, you don't have to look like a celebrity but the issue is that you definitely do need to be attractive at some point.

Women simply will not want to date you if they don't find you attractive, men or women don't wanna date people they're not physically attracted to. So if you're not attractive to begin with, then you need to change that if you ever want a woman to like you.

You have guys like me who didn't really get good genes to look nice without trying so I have two options, cry about how women only want hot guys (who can blame them really), OR work my ass off and do everything I can in my power to be as close to a hot guy as I can possibly be.

Of course you should improve yourself for YOU and not for other people,

At the end of the day, it is all for me because I'm the common denominator in my life so every change I've made has been to improve my life. Even after I'm done improving myself if women still don't like me then at least I have my health, my money, and in the best shape of my life with plenty of energy to spare. I think I've built a good life despite where I came from and I'll always be proud of that. With women's acceptance or without, it all still means the world to me.

but at the same time women will take notice as you're improving yourself.

I don't think this one is true. After 2+ years I went from a 240lbs guy at a dead end job, living in a crappy apartment. To owning my own house, lost 80+lbs and gained way more muscle that I though was possible and still going, having a career of my dreams and life only gets better from here.

But the one constant is that women still don't care lol. Success in life and in personal goals doesn't really translate to what women find attractive unfortunately. If it did I'd have no issues. So no, I don't think women notice or care when you improve your life even drastically. There is still a lot missing from who I can be and I'm sure it's something related to what women find attractive.

But I haven't figured out what that is considering I've never had anyone be attracted to me. So it's difficult to track down.

You say you've never had a girlfriend or been on a date before but I guarantee you if you went out to a bar/public place you'd at the very least meet women and from their possibly date or whatever you are going for.

I don't know if you've seen my other post but in senior year of high school was the only time I asked a woman out and she said no obviously. So that should tell you how I was back then,

I've been out to bars & many public places but that doesn't necessarily equate to women liking you in my experience.

I mean going on a date is the ultimate goal really for me. Yea being or even dying as a kissless, girlfriend-less virgin is the thing you hear about in jokes but it's whatever, not everyone is a winner in life and we gotta learn to take the good with the bad right? So I think at least going on one date is a good compromise between being successful with women and not being a complete loser who no one ever liked lol. At least at that point I know I met someone's standards at some point and gave me a chance.

But just like any other goal, there are baby steps, a preparation process. I gotta learn to crawl before I learn to walk and hopefully one day I'll be able to run. But for now I need to learn basics because I have zero experience to lean on.

Im willing to bet you aren't as unattractive as you think you are, and even if you're "ugly", ugly people go on dates and get laid all the time.

See, I've never understood that. People say "unattractive people go on dates all the time".

Isn't that, by definition, an oxymoron? If someone is unattractive then that means no one likes you, no one is attracted to you, but if that person is going or dates, getting girlfriends and having sex then simply by default he is clearly not unattractive since there are, not one, but multiple people willing to give him a chance and go as far as to be with him exclusively.

So if you're going on dates, you're attractive to somebody, so you can't say that you're not or call yourself ugly or find other trivial ways to put yourself down.

That's not fair to people who actually are not attractive. You don't wanna be part of this club, it's not fun here, don't force yourself into it.

Last year I was curious as to what people thought of me after I improved and posted myself to r/rateme and I got mostly negative responses like 3/10 and whatnot so that kind of put it into perspective that I still have work to do. Although it has been over a year since I posted those pics and I personally think I look better now. I should probably try that again, maybe not, who knows.

Keep improving yourself, keep talking to and asking out women, and give it time and you'll be fine.

Don't know if I'm currently in the position to be asking out women. Still have a lot of work to do to compete with what some other guys my age have to offer (that's not even counting dating/sexual experience). So as I said before, baby steps are the key to everything I've been successful at so far.

It's like going mountain hiking that I love to do, you have to prepare. If you start hiking without the proper equipment or knowledge then you're setting yourself up for failure. Give yourself the best advantage you can to ensure success and be prepared, think about what you have/don't have and work from there. Have a clear goal in mind but always prepare what anything you do.

[–]sneakpeekbot 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]UnknownSoldier11[S] -1 points0 points1 point 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]speerme 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]1017BarSquad 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]merf_me2 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Bobby_Bobberson2501 1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]HelperBot_ 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]UnknownSoldier11[S] 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]MindsEvolve 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]t1mman 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]UnknownSoldier11[S] 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]t1mman 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Comments