fucked up situation, not sure how to proceed.

sinking_sunk · 2012-02-19T15:13:30+00:00

Nah, first date was fine. Don't try and metric the beginning dates out with X-amount of kino and X-amount of aggressiveness. Keep good rapport, do what comes natural, and remember to stay in the mindset that you are actively evaluating her as a partner just as she is of you.

So she invited a guy to perhaps shit-test you, or just compete over her. Maybe it wasn't intentional, but it turned out that way. The problem was this: you expected a date, didn't have one, and did not adapt to the new social dynamic. Instead of dropping your frame of "you/me=date," you clinged tighter to it. That was obvious when you named him "huge cockblock."

You have to drop your frame.

All that happened was you expected to have her to yourself. Enter caveman #2 and it becomes territorial because you walked in with the frame that it was just going to be you and her. Within your frame, it became a zero-sum game, which exhibits the inherit weakness of the frame.

What you should have done was first accept the fact that you are dealing with an unexpected social dynamic. Don't cast blame onto yourself or her for the unexpectedness. Then look at which frame will allow you to take the most control.

Personally, my first reaction would be to acknowledge what I cannot control. Namely, the girl and caveman #2's relationship. Friends? Fuckbuddies? I don't know. If I'm sure they're friends, then why should I care about why he is touching her? If I do, she is successfully eliciting jealously from me, which is a beta mindset. Next, I'd name my frame "great new guy who she wants to fuck, but first wants to make sure is cool with her firends." So that means I'd buddy up to her friends, including caveman #2. Make group jokes, don't focus on her. If caveman #2 is still all over her and she is inviting it, I'd shit-test her in front of her friends and ask if they're newly-weds or need some time alone. I wouldn't blatantly flirt with her friends, but I'd pick one or two to build good rapport with.

Lastly, I'd talk to her about caveman #2 at a later date. "That guy really had the hots for you. Some sort of stalker Ex?" Don't come off as jealous or too interested. Remember, you're dating other girls too, so it's ok for her to be interested in other guys. But still let her know if you'll have a relationship with her, she can't be showing affection onto Mr. Clingy in front of you. If she's not cool with that, get rid of her. It's about respect and tell her that. You wouldn't do that to her. Tell her nicely, but firmly. Don't get heated or offended.

My advice for the future is start over with her. Seek out another "social date" with her friends after another one-on-one date. Don't talk about Thursday unless she brings it up (except caveman #2 perhaps).

mileshigh_23 · 2012-02-19T17:15:12+00:00

How do you proceed from here? You find another girl! NEXT. The world is bursting at the seams with beautiful girls. When you get 5 more numbers in your phone, this girl will not matter.

A scenario like you described in your post happens to me somewhat frequently. Hell, I had two first dates this week where the k-close was flat out denied! The connection with both those girls just wasn't there and probably never will be there. So rather than expend all this time and emotional energy trying to get her to like you, move on. NEXT.

bolxrex · 2012-02-19T16:09:25+00:00

I wasn't getting many signals to get physical.

This is kind of like saying "I couldn't see whether the traffic light was green or red from the parking lot." You gotta start the engine and hit the gas before you can see signals.

I can't help but feel some solid social circle game would have helped a lot. Something like ignoring her completely, only talking to her friends, and then getting up to dance with someone else in the bar. Just because you got to the bar with a group of people doesn't mean you are locked in.

You should have let over-touchy-friendzonio kill his chances by giving her too much attention, while you gave her none. Eventually she would have begun to feet smothered especially if she saw you having genuine fun with others and not her. Further, she may have even been just testing you the entire time with the friend purposely trying to monopolize her attention to see what kind of reaction it caused in you.

I started to feel pretty pissed.

A rule I learned the hard way- never take things personally in game.

Another thing here is your anger at the situation. I know you say you didn't exhibit this, consciously of course. Sub consciously unless you're a world series poker master it's basically impossible to not exhibit our feelings through our actions, body language, micro/facial expressions, tone of voice, etc. The idea isn't to bottle up the rage and put on a plastic smile.. with seduction we are communicating energy not dialogue. If you were mad or even just frustrated there is a good chance she picked up on that. Made even easier by the fact that she had a whole platoon of friends basically sizing you up the entire night.

revbobdobbs · 2012-02-20T00:52:07+00:00

She's texting someone... she's like, I have another friend coming by.... his name is huge cockblock

She was using you for attention. That's cool, cos it means you are a cool guy. But she was playing you (whether she knew it or not).

Next her.

If you made a mistake, it was probably that you didn't set up the expectation from the start. You should have let her know that it was a date before you got her number. Expressing your interest directly will prevent this from happening.

Title	fucked up situation, not sure how to proceed.
Author	yenners
Upvotes	5
Comments	9
Date	February 19, 2012 9:51 AM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/pwbg7/fucked_up_situation_not_sure_how_to_proceed/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/fucked-up-situation-not-sure-how-to-proceed.1293894 https://theredarchive.com/post/1293894

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