Is it okay for a man to not have a sense of urgency?

FeralRed · 2018-08-12T15:32:07+00:00

I want to be rich, but I'm lazy and still live at home at 33.

Look, nothing is intrinsically "bad", but your goal does not align with your actions.

Also, why do you want to be "super rich"? Got any passions/hobbies/ need to travel/women?

What do you need all that money for?

You sound like a guy who's stuck in his own head, rationalizing life away by telling yourself you don't need anything, you don't have to get off your ass, you're just taking the slow steady way.

"Focusing on self development" is just jerking off if it's not a function of achieving a goal. For example, learning Spanish is definitely self development. But why do it if you'll never use it? Plan to move to Mexico? Sure. Eurotrip? Sure. But to put work into something just to be able to tell yourself it's "self-development" is delusional.

Your parent should be ashamed of you and kicked your ass out years ago. It stinks of codependency and it's probably where you got your "ok to sit on my ass in my 30's" laziness.

What are you living for? What brings you joy?

Go find those answers. They're not among the loose change in your couch.

EVERYBODY wants to be "superrich". Very few have the drive. You picking up what I'm putting down?

trpSenator · 2018-08-12T18:16:55+00:00

Hey man, I fired up this account after a long while in sitting to respond to this because we are similar ages and similar experiences(My Vanguard tag isn't on this sub):

First, off, do whatever you want to do. If you're happy with a passive income, living at home, not doing a damn thing, then that's what you want to do. Live and work at YOU'RE pace. You have a fuck you life style where you can do whatever the fuck you want.

However, from the sounds of it, it seems like deep down, you aren't comfortable with this entirely. I think what you want is more, but it's outside your comfort zone. While you're in a very priviledged position, a position many strive to be in, you're squandering it. Most people don't want to work, and those who do work, ideally want to get to the point of not having to work, so they can focus on more fulfilling activities outside of the economy.

This is what you did to yourself, you're living with the parents and you have a passive income coming in. You have no incentive to really do much. ALL progress in life comes through resistance, and you've effectively pushed out all resistance because of your lifestyle of living in your comfort zone with parents and flowing money. It's literally impossible for you to progress in that situation. You need resistance, you need challenge, struggle, and so on.

So my first recommendation is to gtfo out of the home. Once you get into a new space, a place where you don't have the same old daily routine of being around family that loves you, but on your own, figuring shit out... I guarantee, you'll start getting out and discovering new challenges for yourself once you can't just run back home to the parents and feel comfortable.

The double edged sword you're faced with is the passive income. When I had my business I was pulling in 6 figures, all passively. Trust me when I say, I know first hand, how that leads to a stale life. When you have that kind of money coming in, requiring nothing from you... No morning routine, no getting out, nothing... It puts you in a trap... Which I'm sure you're very familiar with. Again, no need for resitance, so you just stagnate. I know what I did was started partying a lot, became an alcoholic, and just dicked around indefinitely. If I wanted to travel, I travelled, if I wanted to lock myself inside my flat for a week straight, literally only answering the door for delivery, I would. It sounds all nice on the front of things, but it slowly becomes a very lonely and limiting life.

While my goal was passive income, I didn't realize that once I had it, it would end up being my biggest enemy. While I had friends building careers, networking, forming alliances, doing things in life, I was able to withdraw and hang out at home, or go on yet another vacation to some European state where I'd take MDMA and get wasted while running around looking for women (which I'd ironically do worse with because I was a drunk mess).

Ultimately, I learned the hard way, men DO need agency and purpose. My GF can wake up every day without a purpose for that day, and be happy, because women are wired for different things. Men need to wake up every day with a challenge to overcome. When there is no challenge, they squaller in the feminine chaos which is ultimately a mismatch of their identity. That leads you to where I was, and where you are now.

If you don't create purpose for yourself, you will always be just barely spiritually floating above water. You'll just be getting by day to day, until it all sort of just blends together and you can't tell the difference between last month and last year. Then eventually you'll be old, and wonder wtf happened with the time.

Luckily, you're in a very good position. It took me full blown crashing and burning, literally losing everything and going into debt, to realize this. Now, at around your age, I'm rebuilding (so don't feel like your some oddity. You're doing relatively great compared to most), with a bit more wisdom and experience this time around. But you don't have to run the risk of crashing and burning... Only thing you run the risk of is depression, isolation, and potentially suicide.

So this is what I'd recommend: First, meditate. You seem not to actually know what you want. You need some introspection and self discovery. You don't need to know exactly what you want in life and what you want to do, you just need to figure out a general direction to get the wheels turning.

Second, get out of the rents home. I know in many cultures it's perfectly normal, and increasingly so in American culture due to economics, but it's not in most Western cultures. Unless there is a reason you need to be living at home, other than comfort, it's time to go. This is extremely important, and a reason why it's the first actionable thing you need to do. You will not possibly be able to progress without cutting the umbilical cord.

Third, find a purpose. Since you already have money coming in, and that likely isn't going to stop since they are rental investments, you'll have a harder time with this. Most people's hobbies are economic. They find ways to use their time to make money, but since you already have money coming in, it's much harder to get motivated to make even more. And finding a hobby you're passionate about building out, can get tough. However, somewhere in there will have to be an economic factor. The reality is, economics are a huge driving force in visceral incentives. I know some people who turn their hobbies into YouTube series, and over time, they grow and are now huge celebrities in their niche, which just empowers them to work harder on their hobbies. I don't know, it's all up to you. Hence why the first one is important. But you'll need to find something to do with your extra cash and time.

Which is why lastly, I'd recommend, moving abroad. I did it several times. Always worth it. Time to shake that shit up son.... A whole new environment will open you up to so much more interest in getting out and discovering things to do. Just do it for like 6 months if that's all you want. When you come back, you'll have things to do.

BlackFire68 · 2018-08-12T12:20:57+00:00

If you don't have a woman and don't waste time trying to find one, you will have time and energy to do other things. Without a strong (many hours a day) work ethic, nothing entrepreneurial will work, so it depends on what you mean when you say "no sense of urgency". If you actually mean that you don't much mind when it happens but you know it will... fine. If you mean that you want to maintain a certain pattern to your day and don't push hard every waking minute... that's going to be a problem.

ellifino · 2018-08-12T12:59:06+00:00

How much cash flow is your triplex producing and how much do you need to purchase the next one?

Buy the next one, then live in one unit and rent out the other two. That solves your problem regarding living with mom and dad, and opens you up to having lady friends back to your place. At 33, its time to launch.

Good job so far with the real estate. Do you have a degree? If you made more than minimum wage, it would help you a hell of a lot more with your financial goals.

Get a couple of triplexes and your cash flow should be more than what you make at a w-2 job.

[deleted] · 2018-08-12T12:16:37+00:00

Yes. You have time. Everyone does even women.

Immineus · 2018-08-12T16:29:00+00:00

If you aren't pursuing your goals (or are doing so lazily) and allowing life to dictate your decisions, life will make those decisions for you and you don't want life to make your own decisions for you. Your life situation can change with the wind and if you're not building that empire, your safety net could disappear. Decent passive income on that triplex? Wham, triple vacancies for half a year. Of the soon-to-be successful men I've seen/met they all had a sense of urgency, almost to the point of mocking you or outright ignoring you if you waste their time or goof around. It's good to have a stoic mindset about life and it seems like you might have achieved this to some degree, but beware it becomes an excuse for lethargy. Everyone has all the time in the world until it runs out. Go watch Gary Vee's video about regret, he talks about visiting a senior care center and how they all wish they had done more and seeing that look in a 90-somethings eyes when they know their time is up and there are no more chances will change your perspective. Don't wind up like that, you've got time so keep pushing everyday or as often as possible. Also, move out of the parents place, that can't be good for your mental health.

Aidsagain · 2018-08-12T17:59:18+00:00

something entrepreneurial

Immediately realized that you're hopeless.

Morphs_ · 2018-08-12T16:06:11+00:00

Don't compare yourself to others. I'm in a similar boat, often behind other people age-wise. But I don't really care because what difference is that going to make in the span of a lifetime? There's no need to conform to whatever you should be doing at a particular age by society.

Wrath_of_Trump · 2018-08-12T17:47:50+00:00

I'm less stringent about most of what you said, but to own property and still live with your parents just seems depressing. Your "plan" is to incel for 2 years? Why not just cut your penis off? What is the point? Why can't you just do what you're doing, go out and try new things, and stop jerking your meat in your mom's basement?

Yeralt · 2018-08-12T16:13:37+00:00

Women should never be the focus of a man's life, always a complement to it

Rares5555 · 2018-08-12T13:45:05+00:00

Your lack of urgency might actually be having a strong conservative nature. You want to make things right career-wise and not fuck up your future.

Also, if you actually do shit every day towards your goals, you have a sense of urgency. Saying “ah fuck it I have time I’ll start a business in the next 10 years” is lacking urgency.

As for women, if I don’t find the absolute right one to start a family with, I’ll always have plates and luxury escorts. It is what it is.

Radkin007 · 2018-08-12T13:12:33+00:00

No action and all thinking leaves a man crazy. You need to do something. That’s what men are, do-ers. Not just for sanity sakes man but if you extrapolate where you are in life versus other successful 30 some odd males you are behind the curve(Young Elon musk, Mark Zuckerburg, etc.) Key word is successful. If you want to get by and live a mediocre life that fine but it’s not a lack of urgency it’s a lack of vision and will.

Khiv_ · 2018-08-12T13:29:24+00:00

Everyone has their own time, so don't worry about other people accomplishing stuff at earlier ages.

Not having a sense of urgency is ok as long as you have a goal and are working toward it. I would say that the sense of urgency can be both good and bad. It's good as in it propels you to act, but bad as in it stops you from doing things rationally and thoughtfully. If you have discipline and motivation you can act without needing urgency.

As for women, I think it is wise to practice social skills. Even if you don't crave women right now, social skills are like any other skill and practicing it will help you in the future. So just look at it like an workout and do it once a week, challenge yourself and reflect on how you can improve. No need to get wasted and sleep at 5 A.M. 3x a week in a way that hinders your goals.

htowntrav · 2018-08-12T17:47:38+00:00

Don’t buy a gas station warren buffet did , and that didn’t prosper. He bought textiles. Then boom he started growing and investing.

PresidentTingles · 2018-08-12T16:32:04+00:00

To answer your post’s question: Yes. To be a alpha is to be calm and in full control, not rushed or urgent. You should be steering your life to success while still having a massive smile on your face.

To me urgency shows weakness and lack of control. Below the surface you can be urgently working, but on the surface you should be collected.

Title	Is it okay for a man to not have a sense of urgency?
Author	_zyzyx
Upvotes	18
Comments	26
Date	August 12, 2018 12:13 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/96oqzq/is_it_okay_for_a_man_to_not_have_a_sense_of/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/is-it-okay-for-a-man-to-not-have-a-sense-of.130049 https://theredarchive.com/post/130049

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