I am REALLY bad with texting and neediness.

thekidbass · 2015-12-07T01:45:46+00:00

Neediness stems from negative intentions. People are usually needs in relationships to fulfill some insecurity they have. You seem fine from the context you've given us. Texting her is not making you needy, its just a form of communication. Being needy is when she doesn't respond, you start texting her again and again. When she says she's busy, you continue to bother her instead of giving her space. When people do this, they're needy from the negative intention of insecurity- essentially they're scared to lose her. Don't use texting ONLY to set up dates. Send her a little message now and then to make sure her studies aren't killing her. Its finals week coming up for me and i'm in a hell zone so i'll go grab coffee with a girl or two throughout my week just to slow down and relax. Nothing wrong with that.

WayOfTheGentleman · 2015-12-08T07:16:41+00:00

The problem with most advice to combat neediness is that it hits the symptoms and not the cause.

Waiting an amount of time before texting back, avoiding 'double texting' and other such things can make you appear less needy to the girl, but doesn't actually make you less needy.

After all, you're still sat there worrying and wondering about what's going on with her.

Neediness stems from the ego's fear that we aren't good enough, and that this girl will be the last girl who will ever like us, and if we lose this girl we're alone for ever, blah blah...

It also happens when a guy gets with a much hotter girl than he's used to for the first time. He worries that he's hit some 'miracle play' and no girl of that quality could ever be interested in him again.

He gets more needy than usual, and ends up repulsing the girl.

The answer to this problem sadly does not lie in becoming better at texting. It lies in solidifying your own value in your mind, so you know, beyond any shadow of a doubt, that you are a money guy with a ton of stuff to offer any girl.

You know that some girls will see that, and some won't and you accept it. You accept that girls will come and go, but you will always be a cool guy.

This may take more time, but will be much more beneficial for you in the long run.

werrt1234 · 2015-12-07T01:29:25+00:00

Ayyy I'm bad too.

celticfan008 · 2015-12-07T02:57:43+00:00

Dude I'm in almost the exact same position!! Here's what I have been doing to deal with these feelings

Write a response to her text as soon as you get it BUT DON'T SEND IT. I feel like this works for me because I always want to reply instantly, I want to have a conversation, know what she's doing, I like being spoken to (even if its just through texts). But constant instant replies can become obnoxious. So by writing something out the moment I get it, it satisfies my need to "respond" as soon as possible. But I just wait 20-45min to actually send it. More than a few times another text has come in in my time waiting.

Keeping it playful is a given, but do everything you can to reference things that you did together. The movie you watched, the dinner you had, something she said before/during/after sex. This (in my head anyway this makes sense) prevents neediness because its something you both did together and enjoyed and in no way just provides you with assurance in her feelings for you(nobody likes being put in a position where they are expected to respond a certain way), you get to relive a moment you already spent together and enjoyed.

Finally, don't just assume your text will come across as needy or pestering. I've spent too long too many times rereading a text making sure its crafted perfectly or some bullshit, and I'm getting better at not doing that and just saying what i want to say, just like i would IRL. I don't know if this comes across in texts as well as it does face to face, but things are only ever as awkward as you make them seem to be. The more you worry about sounding or acting awkward the more effort you will put into avoiding being awkward which only become a self fulfilling prophecy of you constantly walking on eggshells trying not to come across as needy. Just say what you want to say and don't worry about some made up consequences. There's nothing wrong with sending a text with a question or statement before they've responded to your last text.

I think for your position this doesn't really need to be said. But its still related to "text game". You will never build real attraction through texts, real attraction is built through physical and emotional exchanges, and you just can't do that over texts. Sure you can reinforce attraction (sexting), but there has to be a foundation, she has to be very receptive to you in the first place for her to accept texting as affirmations of affection, and for her to do the same, otherwise that WILL come across as needy.

I had a bit of a scare recently with this girl, she just went dark on me for two days before a date and i was struggling to not just spam the shit out of her(we rescheduled). Unless the answer to your text is really important or time sensitive, just accept that they haven't responded and try and move on. If it is that important, call her, sometimes you'll get voicemail, but it doesn't matter, leave your piece and move on. Just wait until the next day, or next relevant thing pops into your head to talk about, do your best not to stress over radio silence.

EDIT: Since you were kinda looking for advice about setting up another date. Personally I would give it a day or two, doubly so since she has finals and things to focus on. Stick to some light banter and when a good door opens ( you'll know it when you see it. I stayed the night at this girls place cuz my car battery died, next morning i was waiting for a guy to come and jump it, she was literally climbing on my back about to give me a back rub and this fucking guy calls me saying he's in the apartment complex. So a few days later I said she still owes me one, yadda yadda date set. Just a personal example) go through it and set the date. You'll recognize it once you see it. Good luck mate!

Title	I am REALLY bad with texting and neediness.
Author	omziraal
Upvotes	8
Comments	10
Date	December 7, 2015 1:14 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/3vqbvf/i_am_really_bad_with_texting_and_neediness/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/i-am-really-bad-with-texting-and-neediness.1301169 https://theredarchive.com/post/1301169

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