I have the worst luck with women, and it's all my fault. I'm clingy, needy, and I don't trust them at all thanks to my ex who cheated on me, destroyed all my confidence, and she ended up marrying the fucker she cheated on me with. I don't think I'm very good looking, which leads to my low self esteem. I started to work out and try to look better, but that will boost my confidence only until I see some serious results.

I'm a trainwreck, but I'm really looking to change all that. I can be funny, spontaneous, and all that good stuff, but only with people I know. I can hold a conversation with girls I know (co-workers, friends, etc.) but the minute it's a girl I really like, I seem to lose all that and end up fucking it up. I can't think of what to say, I can't be myself, I bring up the most stupid topics, I lose all confidence I would otherwise have with girls I'm not interested in.

The funny thing is, I have some pretty attractive female friends, but we don't click on that level, so it's all jokes and games and hanging out, it's only with girls I'm really attracted to that I lose all confidence.

I honestly think I'm just picking the wrong girls to date. I go for looks rather than what's in their heads/hearts. That's my lame ass downfall.

Anyways, besides the side bar, which I've been reading and re-reading non stop for things to stick, what else can I do to raise my self esteem and confidence? I already started to renew my wardrobe and all that, but I want more, please help.

EDIT for grammar