Confusing girl (Short read)

I met this girl from another town that I've partied with a few times. When we did party there was a ton of flirting, but I was in a relationship so I never went any farther than like a lvl 3 kino (hug,legs on legs, touching face and hair). Now that I am single we hungout a few times. One time I kissed her on the cheek suprisingly and jokingly while we were at subway. When I left I went for it again but she kind've resisted. The next time we hungout we watched a movie. There was some kino going on but she sat on the opposite side of the couch So i couldnt do much.

I did the mystery kiss gambit which is: Would you like to kiss me?

Responses

Yes: (kiss her)

Maybe: Lets find out (kiss her)

No: never said you could, just thought you had something on your mind

She said no. So I left a little afterwards. Then the few days after she would flirt openly on facebook, to which i didn't really pay attention to her. Then today she wanted to hangout to which I said I couldnt. I plan on telling her we could this week and going from there. What would you say I do so I can get more physical with her?

[–]drumdance 1 point2 points3 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]cytus 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

[–]frogma 2 points3 points4 points 14 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

Since you're a woman, no offense, but your evaluation of the situation is coming from the opposite perspective. One that doesn't help the guy.

cytus's advice is exactly what I do. I've hardly ever had problems with it. I've done it 10 times in a row, in a span of about an hour, and still ended up fucking the girl and dating her. If I had followed your advice, I highly doubt it would've worked out the same way.

You gotta remember, your perspective is not only subjective, but singular. My perspective's also subjective, but it's based on the reactions of multiple girls (not only that, but a high success-rate). And I don't think you can safely say that if you were in a similar situation with me, you'd outright reject me. I don't think you would- though it depends on me handling it well.

A similar situation is LMR. Trust me, if I had just given up instead of getting the girl horny and more comfortable, I would've had a lot less sex. You might think you "respect" a guy who just accepts it and gives up, but that doesn't mean you'll fuck him later. It's his job to be awesome in the first place, and make you comfortable enough to not have a problem with it. If he can't do that, then he shouldn't take it any further. If he can do it though, then by definition, you're gonna want it that second time around (keep in mind, he's gauging your responses and shit- he's not just throwing himself at you blindly).

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

your evaluation of the situation is coming from the opposite perspectie. One that doesn't help the guy.

Hm, I would think that the response of an actual woman would be helpful.

I've done it 10 times in a row, in a span of about an hour, and still ended up fucking the girl and dating her.

Are you still with her?

My perspective's also subjective, but it's based on the reactions of multiple girls

Surprisingly enough, mine is based on what I know would be the reactions of my multiple female friends. I guess we'll just agree to disagree.

I don't think you can safely say that if you were in a similar situation with me, you'd outright reject me.

Yes. Yes I would. Guess how I know? I'm in my own mind. Funny how you're not and yet you assume you know what I would think.

You might think you "respect" a guy who just accepts it

No need for the quotation marks there. I would respect a guy who accepted my decision. If I wanted to kiss him I would.

It's his job to be awesome in the first place...If he can do it though, then by definition, you're gonna want it that second time around

In my experience, probably not.

[–]frogma 1 point2 points3 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

No need to be bitchy.

The point is, I've talked to girls who said they would be weirded out if a guy randomly approached them on the street. And I bet those same girls have had it happen plenty of times. But their perspective is irrelevant and doesn't help any guys, so no matter what they say about it, I still do it.

mine is based on what I know would be the reactions of my multiple female friends.

That's called an assumption. Like I said, in my actual experience, I know it doesn't usually play out the way you're assuming it would. Experience counts for something.

Riddle me this: How many times have you tried to kiss a girl at the end of the night, just for her to turn away from you? I've had it happen hundreds of times, and I'm telling you straight-up, if I had just given up when that happened, I'd probably still be a chump today. I'd have a high school-level of experience with women. There's no other argument I can make beyond the fact that I do it all the time, and I know it works because I've done it successfully without any sort of backlash from the girl. Like I said, the guy has to do it right. If he's just going for multiple kisses without getting you horny/comfortable, first of all he's a dick, and secondly he aint doing it right.

[–]cytus 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Clytaemnestra (nice username btw), I can understand your reaction. When a girl was rejecting a kiss in the past I would "accept" that decision...and promptly get friend-zoned. I was thinking: "If I try again I will look like a selfish dick. Wait for the next date".

But as it turns out, I have greater success by trying again after a while instead. Mind you, I'm never rushing in. A bit later, that special moment might reoccur and I would offer the kiss again. Let's be honest: Kissing is fun and it's better if she knows your intentions. You can apologize later and not loose that female friend.

When it came to relationships, my mental model was totally screwed. I was the "roses and romance" type of guy. But all that comes a bit later. You might not think this to be true but that's just how this works.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link

[–]ARealSocialRetard 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

You've never been in a situation where you didn't want to kiss a guy at first, but later you did? I didn't realize that when you make a decision, you make it for eternity.

The point of the kiss gambit is that you're trying to gauge her reactions. You built up some comfort and hopefully some attraction, and then you try to see if she's interested. If not, you build it up some more before you try again. It's not like it's a static thing where he's just saying "Are you ready now? How about now? Now?"

What's more, playing the kiss gambit can start wheels turning in her head. She may say no, but then start thinking about it, and as he's building further comfort and attraction, she may start to wonder why she said no, and then even to wonder why he's not trying again.

And then he tries it again, and she's suddenly unsure again, so she says "I don't know..." And he says, "Let's find out." If the kiss doesn't work, it doesn't work, but relationships are not static objects. They grow and change, even over very short periods of time.

Now, having said all that, if this guy was friends with the girl already, he may already be friendzoned, in which case trying to inject sexual tension into a situation where she doesn't want it to be can damage the relationship as it stands.

But even if that is the case: if OP isn't interested in being friends with her, then there's no harm in going for it, is there? It's not like he's destroying anything at all that would have remained there if he hadn't tried.

EDIT:

Ask her if she's attracted to you and/or if she wants to be more than friends.

Don't do this. Terribly beta behavior. Show her YOU want to be more than friends and leave it up to her to reject you. But if she does reject you—and this is not unlikely, mind you—you have to be willing to accept it and move on.

[–]ARealSocialRetard 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

As a bisexual woman, I didn't have a technique; I used the much neglected process of talking to them, getting to know them, and maybe kissing them if the signals (touching me often, moving closer to me, in some settings dancing with me) are right.

However, I must admit I usually picked up guys; and I usually used the same method. I did this in clubs/bars, and sometimes all it took was to dance with them and then ask them back to my place. I've slept with five women, and about twenty eight men.

My point is that if a girl says no, the solution is not to ask twice more. Once more possibly, but not twice. If she wants to kiss you, she will probably kiss you. Or, if she doesn't want to instigate, she will actively encourage you to kiss her.

To answer your original question by the way, I did once kiss someone I didn't want to kiss -- because they pressured me into it. He then tried to take it further and wasn't about to stop when I said no that time, so I had to leave the room.

[–]ARealSocialRetard 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 14 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Title	Confusing girl (Short read)
Author	NotoriousNig
Upvotes	0
Comments	14
Date	September 19, 2011 1:04 AM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/kjzov/confusing_girl_short_read/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/confusing-girl-short-read.1304580 https://theredarchive.com/post/1304580

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