Doing approaches recently, problems being low-energy

LoveHotel · 2010-06-03T06:27:23+00:00

Flirting is like starting any other type of exercise. If you haven't done it before, it will be hard at first and the process will need to be repeated over and over until results can be seen. It's the same like dealing with AA, if you haven't approached before it's hard the first time around and eventually gets easier as the amount of times you approach women increases.

One way of going at it is keeping the conversation light, the topics simple. If you get a fluffy question pose it back to them, then immediately neg them for their answer. Above all smile and have fun. It's kinda obvious but if you're taking things too seriously, then you're not having fun.

Also if you don't like working with canned lines, work with your own stuff or be yourself. Start off with what you know and you'll start from a place of strength and confidence.

KimuraJoe · 2010-06-03T16:36:23+00:00

One way I could suggest is to hang out with any guy-friends who are good at approaching and talking to girls and just generally good at having fun in conversations. Tag-along, listen in on the conversations, smile and laugh at the funny quips and learn from him/them, join in on the conversations and keep it light, add only POSITIVE contributions to the conversations (don't shoot things down, don't "kill the buzz" with facts or statistics or whatever, don't be a nerd, don't use big complicated words, stay confident but not arrogant, don't expect anything out of it: it's just a chat). The more you tag along and the more conversations you join in on, the more comfortable you'll be with the situations and the more you'll understand how the whole deal works. It might be easier to go out in small groups (2 or 3, maybe 4) and approach small groups of women before perhaps going alone and approaching a woman alone. I dunno if this is what you were looking for but in any case, I hope it helps or at least contributes to this discussion.

tl;dr - hang out with a friend who's already good at this kinda stuff and go to bars/clubs with him to absorb how he does it

GreatBarrierReefer · 2010-06-03T19:41:27+00:00

I had this same problem. A shift in perspective is helpful. Skip ahead to the TL;DR for the simplest answer that helped my game out immensely.

I love geeking out and thinking critically. Most people in America do not associate those types of interactions with flirtation or a sexual vibe. At first I tried to force myself into the lighthearted, flirty behavior - it was painful, but it pushed me out of my comfort zone. As a couple other sedditors have suggested, pushing yourself to try out new behaviors is important.

However, I have since been able to reconcile the two traits - thinking a lot and flirtation. The medium between seriousness and flirting is wit.

This is what worked for me:

Smiling - No how serious you say something, if you have a genuine smile on your face, you can reframe a comment as sarcasm, irony, or an "inside joke". Again, someone who is low-key and doesn't smile is serious, someone who is low-key and smiles is a "chill dude".

Getting excited - If you thinking critically and seriously about a subject, especially one that is important to you - don't be afraid to share your enthusiasm about it (within reason, keep your energy level high, but not too far past the highest energy level at the party). Being confident in what you are interested in is attractive.

Self-deprecation - If you can show people you can laugh at yourself and your own tendency to "think seriously", people will feel more comfortable with you. Balancing act here - don't be constantly self-deprecating, but one instance in which you show you can laugh at yourself per evening will do.

Kino - Still applicable. Still necessary - no matter what energy level you are (there is no getting around kino). Do intjpua's touch experiment as he details in his thread.

Oh. Another thing - I shamelessly ripped this off from a hilariously shitty movie, but if a woman ever calls you out on "thinking too much" or "over-analyzing" something I like to respond:

(* obligatory smile) "Well, I can't help but be thoughtful, I like to get to the *bottom of things. Learn all the in's and out's".

(If you have the balls and the rapport, you can escalate your kino by lightly slapping her ass after the bottom line just to be sure she gets the innuendo. Note - She must already like where the interaction with you is going to pull it off. Be sure she does before you try it, this is not something to do early in the interaction)

TL;DR A person who thinks seriously without smiling or self-deprecation is considered a stand-offish asshole in Western culture. A person who thinks seriously but who smiles, has expressive body language, uses kino, and can laugh at himself every once in a while is chill and thoughtful

intjpua · 2010-06-03T19:35:44+00:00

As you note, redditors probably mostly lean in the same direction you do. Being ebullient and fun can be learned, though. It happened for me when I took a job that had me interacting with hundreds of people in a day a few times a year. One weekend of that, with me having made a conscious effort to be the most enthusiastic, funny, approachable, and memorable person in the room, was pretty much the switchover point for me. I've done several more such weekends since then, and they've all helped.

If you're young enough to have a "job" rather than a "career", you should switch jobs to one that puts you in front of people (especially women) all the time. Bartender, salesguy at a salon or department store, barista at a coffee shop, etc. Spend a few months doing that and making a conscious effort everyday to be upbeat, enthusiastic and super-friendly, to everyone, and you'll find it all comes easily.

Note that the conscious decision is always required. There is nothing you can do that doesn't require you to consciously decide, "I'm going to be really enthusiastic and upbeat when I go out there today." Even if you can't get yourself into a role that involves lots of meetings each day, you can make that decision for the times when you go out. It'll take longer because you'll run into fewer people, but it will still come.

Practice is mostly what matters in all cases.

mrrohan · 2010-06-03T04:51:35+00:00

One thing that helped me was attending aerobics classes. Stupid I know but it worked for me

haireball · 2010-06-03T05:15:59+00:00

i came to this r/seduction to post this exact thing.....like everything you just said, i have problems with to....please help us reddit

2010-06-03T13:21:08+00:00

Can you be high energy with a pet animal? If so then you can be that way with people. When you talk to enough people, you inevitably stop caring (since you don't see most of them again), and this naturally loosens you up and lets you become higher energy.

Working out won't help you much. Just talk to lots of people, and try to make every interaction fun for yourself.

modernsavage · 2010-06-04T14:41:13+00:00

Flirting = Playful Teasing

Teasing girls is the best form of flirting and also the easiest. You just make fun of them in a playful way (not insulting) but in a sarcastic cocky funny way. This is tried and true and has been a staple of seduction since the whole thing started.

It might be beneficial to observe other guys who are attracting women in this way to get an idea of how it's done.

melbatoast · 2010-06-03T04:15:51+00:00

Life is FILLED with humor and ironies. Either you perceive them or you don't. If you do, acknowledge them and do it with a smile.

Title	Doing approaches recently, problems being low-energy
Author	idleloss
Upvotes	4
Comments	21
Date	June 3, 2010 4:05 AM UTC (16 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/cavw9/doing_approaches_recently_problems_being_lowenergy/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/doing-approaches-recently-problems-being-low.1310479 https://theredarchive.com/post/1310479

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