Am I supposed to go out on my own?

rubygeek · 2010-07-19T13:13:29+00:00

So what do I do? Am I really supposed to wander around town in the day with no reason other than practicing approaches?! I would probably feel so awkward that I would be rubbish.

Good. You'll feel awkward because you have a bunch of hangups about what behavior is normal - you wouldn't feel awkward walking up to a friend, right?

So get that out of your system. I'll deal with the awkwardness and approach anxiety, because other guys are posting decent advice on what to do if you're ok pushing through it, but you haven't really told us how bad your approach anxiety is or isn't.

I also wanted to write this because my AA was massively higher than what a lot of online resources are meant to deal with. A lot of online sources pretty much gloss over how to handle the really bad cases or the start.

When I finally started tackling my approach anxiety I did exactly what you mention. I went out during the day just practicing approaches.

If you feel awkward or anxious, then start very simple. Experiment with just what you can "sneak past" your subconscious. Some people manage to force themselves into direct approaches from the go, others, including me, needs time and need to start with something really simple just to get used to actually taking action without just locking up (I'd get breathing problems when trying to push myself too far).

Do silly things like ask for the time, directions etc. Do them over and over and over until you can ask everyone you see questions without ever making up excuses for why you're skipping over a particular person. Then up the difficulty level.

The point of these is NOT to pick them up, so talk to anyone. The point is to get used to walking up to total strangers without the pressure of having to try pick them up.

Set specific targets. Before you start holding actual conversations, 20-30 in an hour is easily achievable in a reasonably busy area once you stop making excuses; if/once you're able to start a proper conversation that number obviously goes way down, but this should happen because you're talking not because you're walking around unable to walk up to someone and start talking.

I went out and asked for the time 100 times a week for several weeks straight before I stopped feeling anxious about just stopping whoever I wanted to talk to without "filtering" (walking past tons of people while making up bullshit excuses for why I couldn't talk to that person).

When you do, try to go up to everyone without fail. If you can't make a mental note of what reasons your mind gave you. E.g. "I can't approach them while they're enjoying their meal" or "I feel awkward when there's more than one person". Pay attention to how awkward it is. You should notice it subsiding over time as you approach more people. As soon as you think you can overcome one of your internal objections, do it.

Apart from that, make it an aim to never be self-sufficient. Don't look at your watch if you want to know the time - ask - don't look for stuff at the grocery store - ask - don't wonder whether or not the bus has gone by recently, or how to get somewhere, etc. Almost every activity has a number of opportunity for simple, low pressure questions or statements, so start making use of them to help make you comfortable doing it. Again, pay close attention to how it makes you feel and which ones you chicken out of, and push through the moment you feel your level of comfort is high enough.

The key is to pick goals that are small enough that you're able to meet them enough of the time not to get discouraged, and then step up the pace every time things start getting easy and comfortable.

Also pay attention to your body language and eye contact. A very good indicator of residual anxieties is to pay attention to "pacifying behaviour", e.g. if you put your hands in your pockets just as you talk to someone, or cover your chest.

Defualt · 2010-07-18T22:46:20+00:00

Go shopping a lot. Go to the grocery store for each day's meals.

You can go shopping for anything without even making a purchase that outing. Want a nice watch someday? Go to various stores that sell watches and check out the merchandise to start thinking about the watch you might want someday. There could be women you might want to approach at-around-or-on the way to the watch stores.

Put aside at least enough money each week to get a drink at a bar, a coffee at a cafe, or a meal at a restaurant. You might find attractive women.

sockmuppet · 2010-07-18T21:35:15+00:00

[permanently deleted]

strongoaktree · 2010-07-19T01:02:57+00:00

Lol, that's exactly what I do sometimes. If I've got nothing to do, I go out and wander around talking to people. Once you get over the awkwardness it is way more rewarding than video games.

Superior game, superior reward.

Benjamin_Wankin · 2010-07-18T22:41:33+00:00

Unfortunately I've never gone out with anyone who knows about the game. I've lost a LOT of sets that I know I could have closed if I had a wing who knew anything about being a wing.

English123 · 2010-07-19T00:24:46+00:00

Try asking someone for directions to somewhere.

Buy small items in shops and chat with the cashiers (they don't have to be hot, but preferably female.)

If there's any parks/squares in your town centre look for people to ask questions about nightlife/shops/events anything, pretend you're visiting town for something (DHV opportunities) if you're not sure how to initiate. This can also be done in coffee shops, too.

Look for girls who are browsing in toiletries shops (I need to get my sister some foundation, you have nice skin, what do you recommend?)

Just having conversations with people will increase your confidence, you'll also soon realise approaching a couple of hot girls in the pub was no different to asking the average looking cashier how her day has been.

Non sexual approaches will increase your confidence.

doriangray · 2010-07-18T22:43:54+00:00

Try finding a girl to go out with, and teach her basic winging. It shouldn't be too hard, I'm sure you have at least one girlfriend who likes you as a friend and wants you to find someone.

Title	Am I supposed to go out on my own?
Author	sockmuppet
Upvotes	3
Comments	24
Date	July 18, 2010 7:42 PM UTC (16 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/cqysr/am_i_supposed_to_go_out_on_my_own/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/am-i-supposed-to-go-out-on-my-own.1310962 https://theredarchive.com/post/1310962

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