Background:

I hope some of you can learn from this. I am a RAFC. I'm a 26 m and only really have a years dating / relationship experience under my belt. My problem is I'm a nice guy and I am useless at building and maintaining attraction. At this point I only have minor issues going out and enjoying myself on my own. I'm good being social around women and can even stand out in a group. If I'm on form my frame is cocky, confident, intelligent, friendly, easy going and even fairly funny. This was far from true a year ago but that's another story. Lurking on seduction has successfully helped me with that much.

Report

In the last few months I joined a meet up group which just organises drinking and other events in cities for people who want to expand their social circles. I came to meet a girl who on initial impression was a HB6. I wasn't really physically attracted to her but she was quite like me in that she was also very friendly and easy going. We got chatting, it became apparent our personalities were well matched. I considered us friends from this point however I started to notice her giving off small but increasing numbers of IOI's in my direction. Early on this involved stuff like, her asking directly for my number for no real reason other than to have it. In several social meets she'd look to get proximity to me. She'd lean in, laugh a lot at my jokes etc.. Even my friends had taken notice and commented I should go have some fun with her.

Around this time some shit was going wrong for her at work. She mentioned it to me and as a friend decided to be a bit of an emotional sponge and responded to her texts. I invited her over for dinner in a friendly way to take some stress off her like any good mate should. However I also started flirting a bit more heavily with her. She responded in kind by snuggling up on the sofa. I was also able to escalate the kino. Resting arms on her playfully, giving her prolonged hugs goodbye, playing with her tiny stubby hands and comparing them to mine. All good so far.

Last Monday I went over to her flat (she was living on her own) for a chat as I'd had a shitty day at work and wanted to chill with someone. Had a bit of a heart to heart, by the end of the night I'd emotionally fallen for her. However she gave off a few red flags which i now wish i'd listened to. She had trust issues from a previous relationship, and revealed she struggled to be intimate and was very shy...however she was very comfortable with me. As I left I gave her two big intimate hugs, I would of kissed her if it wasn't for the red flags. Went home to have a think.

The following week I found I was obsessing over her. I was still texting her a lot, we'd become each others rant buddies as work wasn't going great for either of us as it happened. I reached a point the following weekend where something had to give. So I went off to spend the weekend with my friends down the other end of the country and cut contact. I believe, this sudden cut off of contact lead her invite me over to her flat for a chat on my return on Sunday night. The chat occurred, lead to hugging but this time I just kissed her. She didn't resist in any way, at that point I gave her another kiss, smile, hug and wished her goodnight. I think I achieved what I needed to as this left her desperate for more which she could barely help from blurting out via subsequent texts over the night/following day. I'd totally blown her away at this point.

She altered her plans the following evening to come over via my flat for a goodnight 'hug'. I'm not sure exactly what happened next. Essentially she came around to fuck. I don't think I was physically attracted enough to her and physically escalated too slowly. Too much emotional hugging, not enough sexual tension. All way to shy and I probably came across physically very beta (shy and nervous). Awkward, really awkward. She got a massive case of cold feet at this point got up and legged it. Apologising as she went that she just wasn't ready to be intimate yet and this didn't feel right and shortly after that, the killer...LJBF. Biggest freak and utter turnaround I've seen before. I was left pretty much in the abyss at this point for the next few days, broken up, upset, embarrassed angry at myself etc.. Frame broken. I hate being an AFC.

Conclusions:

  • Too much of an emotional sponge and took too long = friend zoned. Too nice, and too much of a wuss, it really does kill the attraction. I watched it happen this time, at least I was more aware of it.
  • Because I wasn't initially attracted to her, my frame was good early on and I remained attractive and desirable to her as I accidentally kept the right amount of flirting up along with ...disinterest. I kept her guessing.
  • Sexual state is very important and something I struggle with (low labido maybe). Got to be a sexual creature who wants sex and let that come across to a girl. Oh and when she lies on your bed, get those clothes off as fast as you can, before she bolts...
  • Now I have to shrug it off, cut contact way down and stop being a tissue and go out and do it all again. I will probably run in to her in the same circles, but I have to carry on as if it was nothing. Fake it until I make it.

tldr; Noticed a girl giving me IOI's who I wasn't physically attracted to. Got to know her, fell for her, nearly escaped the friend zone, LJBF