Lol, I say "lesson" like I'm some kind of expert. In reality, I was a bit worried I was fucking up, but it turns out I was being brilliant. Or at least, good enough.

So the HB6 from my last FR contacted me yesterday, wanting to hang out a second time. And my basic frame here is that, at the moment, I want her as a FWB, but not LTR, so my goal at present is to (1) keep sleeping with her when we hang out, but (2) make it clear, as needed, that this isn't becoming a serious relationship.

Both because that works better for me, and because I believe in the whole "leave someone better than you found them" philosophy. If she wants a relationship, I don't want to lead her on by allowing her to believe I might want the same thing when I actually don't. There are enough cute girls in the world who are OK with a primarily sexual relationship; I don't need to waste the time of girls who aren't.

And #1 is maybe the easy part, once you've already built some attraction with a girl. It's conveying #2 that is more tricky IMHO.

So here's how the text interchange went down:

Me: How about we meet at [ice cream shop near her apartment] at 8 pm Sunday, and then your place? Unless your roommate made it all messy again since she's been back.

Her: You are a man w plans! I like that. Anyway, yes. I'll get drinks, snacks, and...movie preferences? I def don't have a bunch (any) lying around like you.

And I'm like, fuck yeah: ice cream, drinks, snacks, a movie, a cute girl; these are a few of my favorite thiiings... ♫

But while I'm picking out some movies, she throws a monkey wrench:

Her: Actually, any interest in seeing this at 9 on Sunday? [Link to movie at a local arthouse cinema]

And it actually looks like a great fucking movie, and sexy too. But problem is, if we go there, we're not at her place, and the whole thing looks slightly less like a hookup and more like a date. She'd probably still let me invite myself over, but possibly not, so I feel like I should say something like the following:

Me: Only if we head back to your place afterwards, I want to make you come again ;-)

It's bold, and it indicates I'm thinking of this as a primarily sexual releationship – and am not embarassed about it. Not to mention I think it might actually turn her on.

But... then she doesn't respond.

Hours later, still no response. Did I creep her out and blow the whole thing?

So I put my thinking cap on. What do? Here are the options:

  • Apologize: This is the AFC move. You get the worst of both worlds – you look sexualized without looking confident, which = creepy.
  • Tease: Some of you could probably pull this off, but I felt like it was going to come off as beta if I tried it.
  • Say nothing: Eventually she'd either formulate a response, or just never respond and cancel the date by default. This strikes me as kind of passive and beta.
  • Acknowledge without apologizing: I felt like this was the correct move, to somehow show sensitivity to the fact that I had possibly been too forward for her, while in no way apologizing for being forward. So, eventually I says:

Me: (I'm pretty direct, I hope that doesn't rub you the wrong way.)

Me: My vote is to still have ice cream beforehand, so perhaps meet at [ice cream place near the cinema] at 8:30?

I'm trying to show sensitivity without distancing myself from my behavior (because why should I?). And I'm communicating that I don't even think it's a big deal, by putting my non-apology in parentheses, and following it with a logistics text that assumes we're still meeting.

Does it work?

Her: Sorry to leave you hanging on that one. I was away from my phone.

HA! It was all in my head. (I still think it was the correct play with the information I had though. I mean, how tragic would it have been if I had needlessly fucked things up by apologizing?)

She continues:

Her: For the record I like direct. :) And yes a horizontal surface afterwards is A OK by me.

TL;DR: I was direct and sexual while setting up a second date with a girl I want as a FWB, and totally prepared to not give a fuck if she was scared off – but surprise surprise, she actually dug it. (Edit: Or possibly didn't, but I saved it by playing it cool, see comments)