[FR] Fail, dammit

2011-04-29T10:57:46+00:00

Oy. Lots of bad ideas.

I asked if she would like to go out for dinner later

Running with her wasn't a date and dinner is isn't usually the best first date. Keep it simpler, like drinks or coffee in the evening or even lunch on a Sunday. If drinks go well it can transition to dinner. But make it seem spontaneous. The whole "dinner at a really nice restaurant" is more of a special occasion thing.

Asking for dinner the same night is way too fast. You should have number closed her and then made plans for 2 days in the future. Did you even number close her? I guess not since you didn't mention calling her while you waited.

My guess is she agreed to a simple dinner (like apps at a bar or something) but when she realized where you were taking her she got cold-feet since it was too nice of a place (with flowers on the table!). That might have put too much pressure on what she originally saw as a "hang-out" situation.

I decided to take a picture of myself and send it to the girl because I'm drunk

That is such a bad idea I can't even believe it. I know what you were feeling when you did it because I have been there myself more than once. It is much better to act like it isn't a big deal because in the grand scheme of the universe - it really isn't a big deal.

even if she has a good reason I'm moving on

The first sensible thing you have said. Getting stood-up is worse than flaking. It has only happened to me once thankfully. My advice is to be polite but un-bothered. The only reason you should consider this girl again is if she makes a truly grand gesture - like offering to cook you dinner or something.

Next time take it just a little bit slower. Don't go in with the relationship guns blazing. Start off like you are just looking to hang-out and have a few laughs.

Castlereagh · 2011-04-29T13:40:43+00:00

You doomed yourself for failure. An upscale restaurant isn't an inherently bad place to take a woman on a first date as long as you go for drinks at the bar with perhaps a few appetizers and make it feel casual and spur-of-the-moment. But the traditional 1950s mindset of sitting across from each other at a formal table with flowers in the middle and wearing a tie and formal white collar shirt smacks of being stiff and uptight. The Old Romanticism is dead. You simply cannot survive in the current dating world with such rigid notions of dating etiquette. And that you had an emotional meltdown after she blew you off probably convinced her once-and-for-all that you take yourself too seriously. A man with self-confidence has a blasé attitude toward women. A man with low self-esteem gets drunk and sends angry messages.

telegraph_it · 2011-04-29T19:27:51+00:00

"The Failure is not in the field, it's in your Frame"

Or in other words, yes my brother this sucks; however it's only truly a failure if you didn't learn something. Don't call it a "fail" or yourself a "failure". Let's recap the wondrous things you learned (the hard way):

Meeting women at the gym can work. You now have a pickup spot.
You're an attractive enough man that women will go running with you and even agree to dates with you. Hurray!
Women are flaky as hell. 6th Law Always expect that she might flake on you, so don't plan anything expensive or outlandish you can't cancel until you know for sure she'll show.
Dinner makes a very poor date. Movies too. Instead plan something active that suits her interests.
Women will flake on dates that are high expectation even if they attracted to you. Dinner and/or movie is high expectation/high pressure.
Don't treat a woman special until they've earned it.
Being stood up can score you free drinks, lol!
Your lighting skills need work :)
Always make it a success in your mind. (See above quote) Your title was "Fail, dammit." You think you failed, and so you feel like shit and got drunk. No, always make it a success in your mind. How? Look at what you did RIGHT. You got up the balls to talk to a girl at the gym. You got up the balls to ask her on a date. You are making progress!

You now have learned some great lessons in what not to do, and one day this will make a great story to tell your AFC friends who are wondering at your success with women.

And btw, don't give up. Learn a new lesson: persistence. She may have felt this date was too soon and too high pressure and she just wasn't ready yet and didn't know how to tell you. Don't blame her for that. Don't make it awkward by being upset about her flaking, just ignore it, build more attraction, go running together again, and ask her on an active low pressure date. Go bowling or something!

CrankyTank · 2011-04-29T10:13:08+00:00

Same day dinner seems a bit pre-mature. Nevertheless, I'm sorry you had a shitty night.

HeikkiKovalainen · 2011-04-29T15:13:12+00:00

Thanks for posting this mate. We're a community here so it's good for all of us to learn from the mistakes people make. Just take the advice here if it suits you and improve your game!

l3fth4nd · 2011-04-29T18:23:35+00:00

hahaha hilarious, that photo is gold. Text her an hour before to confirm, I've never had a flake when I've done that, only rescheduling. I also like to go on more casual first dates, like a coffee shop. I bring my laptop so even if she flakes or is late, I get some work done and have a nice cup of tea. It also allows you to dress down and that keeps you and her from thinking that you're attempting to impress her. I have a feeling that you lucked out here actually, you probably would have be left with a large dinner bill and nothing to show for it.

2011-04-29T11:27:11+00:00

reggie hit the nail.

Too fast,too soon. Let the attraction and anticipation build up more.

As for getting stood up, who gives a shit man? Sure, it sucks. But that gives you an excuse to go out and meet 5 extra women to compensate now. Keep the ball rolling, because you've learned something from this.

puaCurveBall · 2011-04-29T17:37:59+00:00

Firstly, I don't do dinner dates. But if I did, meet them outside or at the bar. Never take the table before they are there, there is no reason to and only set yourself up to the situation where you have to explain to waitress.

telegraph_it · 2011-04-29T21:35:19+00:00

She texted me apologizing. I told her no worries. She said she wants to make it up to me and she thought the picture was adorable. No reason for why she didn't show but I'm not going to ask.

I will see this women when I go to the gym. Ive cooled down a lot from last night so I'm not going to freak out at her or anything, though it will be awkward.

ryan62187 · 2011-04-29T12:44:51+00:00

Kate Middleton didn't meet up with you for dinner??

telegraph_it · 2011-04-29T19:55:05+00:00

Shit. Not my best night or post at all. Today is a new day and I feel like being successful. Hopefully I'll have a good FR to post.

magicroot75 · 2011-04-29T20:45:01+00:00

I got stood up a few weeks ago. Turns out the girl's father was in a car accident and she didnt have access to her phone. Sometimes there ARE good excuses.

ladywonderlux · 2011-04-30T01:56:55+00:00

dude move on

she said yes because she felt sorry for you. done deal.

Title	[FR] Fail, dammit
Author	telegraph_it
Upvotes	11
Comments	23
Date	April 29, 2011 9:23 AM UTC (15 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/h0116/fr_fail_dammit/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/fr-fail-dammit.1317829 https://theredarchive.com/post/1317829

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