Why avoid her seeing you as a BF initially?

worthwhilethrowaway · 2011-09-12T01:25:12+00:00

In general when a girl sees a guy who is "boyfriend" material, they behave a certain way. They behave in a way to gain your respect, understanding, care, and other things they would want from a boyfriend. More importantly they don't behave in a way that they would with a seducer or one-night-stand, because they don't want to be fucked and dumped by "boyfriend material guy." In short terms, they'll put off having sex with you.

when a girl sees a seducer or one-night-stand, she behaves in a way to get a one night stand. She flirts more physically, kisses more, gropes more, and basically acts in a way that says "I want to fuck." She doesn't see you as a boyfriend, so she's not worried if you fuck her then leave her life completely.

Here's the kicker, high status people, the "alpha" male (this is such a stupid term--don't ever use it) and the really attractive girl are able to think about multiple people as partners at the same time. They can have multiple relationships with multiple people.

The average guy or girl? they can't. the AFC usually get's stuck liking a single girl, and tends to forget about the rest.

So while the average guy goes after a really attractive woman, he's only thinking about her, while she's having multiple relationships with many guys who she considers in both the "boyfriend" and "seducer" categories. So while she'll see you as "boyfriend" material, she'll still be OK with sleeping with the seducers. While she holds off from having sex with you because you're boyfriend material, she's OK with having sex with the one-night-stand seducers. So while you're sitting back on her shelf, the other seducers are ABLE to transform the relationship by sleeping with her multiple times and building up a relationship. As a boyfriend, you don't have the same opportunity. She may not have expected to sleep with the guy more than once, but she does because he knows how to make her attracted to him in a sexual way, and from that sexual relationship it can evolve into something else, while the boyfriend material guy is still waiting on the shelf for her to pick up.

frogma · 2011-09-12T01:17:17+00:00

If she sees you as that initially, she's more likely to friend-zone you. I actually don't even believe in this dynamic in the first place- I don't think it exists.

She either wants to fuck you or she doesn't. If you establish yourself as a great "boyfriend" before getting more intimate with her and doing other shit, she'll simply be less likely to want to fuck you. And once you get to that point, then you'll be less likely to act "cool" around her, and then she'll be less likely to stay with you. If you can bypass all that shit while keeping her interested, more power to you. Most guys can't do that (I can't even do that- I don't even think Tofu can do that), so let her see you as a lover first.

It's all about how you establish yourself upfront, and how connected to you she is. If you're not a lover upfront, then what real value do you have? All you're showing her is that you might be good for her in 6 months. She's not looking for that. Since she's human, she generally wants immediate satisfaction- no matter what she says- and if you can't give her that, best of luck to you.

Edit: More importantly, the "boyfriend" thing is usually mentioned in conjunction with being the "nice guy." Avoid that shit, and usually you'll be fine.

MyOtherBodyIsACylon · 2011-09-12T01:02:47+00:00

Who says this? I thought guys were the bone first, condone later types.

smoothcam72 · 2011-09-12T01:02:53+00:00

there are obligations tied to having a boyfriend that are not present in the other circumstance.

puaCurveBall · 2011-09-12T04:28:07+00:00

This has a lot to do with evolutionary psychology. Check out "The Red Queen" and "Sperm Wars" for better information.

I'm going to way overly simplify here, but girls want an alpha seducer. They still want to turn him into their boyfriend, but they know the decision is up to him and they have to work for it.

If a girl marks you as beta, not a seducer but still holding social value, then you can get marked as the boyfriend. She will hold out on sex, demand expensive dates and basically be in control. She will talk to her friends about you and they will be around to judge you. If a tastier proposition comes around, she is more likely to cheat on you or simply leave you.

I've never, to my knowledge, had a relationship closed off to me because I slept with them first and took the seducer roll on. I have, however, had many girls go on dates with guys directly after sleeping with me, or they wrap up the date with a kiss and then come over to my place for sex. And If I wanted a relationship with these girls, I could had it as I please.

Title	Why avoid her seeing you as a BF initially?
Author	cuppajoe123
Upvotes	4
Comments	14
Date	September 12, 2011 1:00 AM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/kckde/why_avoid_her_seeing_you_as_a_bf_initially/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/why-avoid-her-seeing-you-as-a-bf-initially.1322438 https://theredarchive.com/post/1322438

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