To Chase or Not to Chase

Leshow · 2011-09-26T15:27:13+00:00

In American society it is standard that the guy is the aggressor (or have I been brainwashed by tv)

don't go by what you've seen on tv.

my opinion on the topic:

you never want to 'chase', ever. you're right a guy like morgan freeman as an advantage because he doesn't have to do anything and is immediately seen as having huge value.

but still, if you chase a girl, all she will do is run away. for me it's all about push/pull. i'll initiate conversation, then pull back, let them know i'm interested, then pull back. often when i pull back they chase me, then i'll chase them, then they chase me. for me, that's what flirting is all about, you both are on the same level (none of the "i'm higher value than you") and playing with each other back and forth, with you providing the escalation.

pull can be anything depending on what 'level' of escalation you are at, could be body language, something you say...

i'd like to hear other opinions.

puaCurveBall · 2011-09-26T16:12:19+00:00

I'm a huge proponent of inner game first and foremost, but I think that the general consensus on chasing is far too simplistic.

There are elements within the guy "chasing" that are bad qualities to exhibit. Being needy, trying to gain value rather than give it, spending money / effort that is in excess of the value she has shown, etc.

However, unless you are loaded with cash, famous or otherwise have insane instant recognition of value, I think you are always going to be the one leading the "chase".

Personally, I like this. I love flirting, and I like the game where I pursue her and she accepts. I think you can be the "chaser" while still not exhibiting all the negative characteristics we associate with that.

Watch this Video. This is a good example of what I'm talking about, he is still approaching, leading the conversation, making the plans, spending the effort (flight, etc), being the "chaser", while still not exhibiting the negative qualities.

iznou · 2011-09-26T18:16:36+00:00

It depends what kind of guy you are. Look at "naturals" and you will see a full spectrum of styles. Some guys are like hunters, others are like fishermen. Some guys are super-alpha-macho, others act completely gay and end up fucking all the girls surreptitiously. They are all successful in their own way. So it's hard to give you a concrete answer on this.

In my own case I have something called The Program^TM . Basically when I meet a girl I like she gets put on The Program^TM . This means I like her and I want to have sex with her in the near future. I try to let her know she is on The Program^TM as soon as possible. Usually by saying something like "We should hang out", "You want to go on a date sometime?", or "I like you, I want to get to know you better." Something like that. This takes away all the confusion about whether I want to be friends or more than friends. Thus, The Program^TM can begin. Then at some point, if she's not Getting With The Program^TM , then she goes off The Program^TM because The Program^TM only has limited space available. It's very exclusive. No hard feelings, it's just that I'm not going to wait around forever.

Hope that helps :)

frogma · 2011-09-26T17:01:51+00:00

Leshow and puaCurveBall put it perfectly.

You're still gonna be "chasing" about 75% of the time, no matter what the situation is. Nobody can just sit at a bar and do nothing, yet still get women- unless they're a celebrity or really, really, ridiculously good-looking.

If you're approaching a girl in the first place, then you're technically "chasing," right? Yet it's what you need to do if you want to interact with her at all. There's no shortcut to that. You can't just be super awesome and depend on her to approach you. That'll happen sometimes, but not all the time, so you can't rely on it.

There's different ways to approach situations- sometimes it's good to show interest, sometimes it's good to hide it. Like puaCurveBall said, the showing/hiding isn't that big of a deal. The issue is whether you're showing neediness, or scarcity, or shit like that. If you're not showing those traits, the girl's likely to respond positively, no matter what you're doing. You can go up to her and tell her she's beautiful and just wait for a response (which I don't recommend) and have success. Or you can go up to her and just be super nonchalant and act like you don't care at all about the conversation (which I definitely recommend more than the alternative, though it's also an extreme- you want to show some interest if you want it to lead to anything).

biffyboy · 2011-09-26T18:22:23+00:00

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-4Mv09s2KMBg/Tn_piBfywQI/AAAAAAAAToc/-ZfaSO0oJzU/s1600/0GetHer.gif

This sums it up pretty eloquently. Basically, girls love to be challenged. This is why playing hard to get works. To attract any girls you have to be different than all the other guys chasing her. By implying that you might be interested but aren't sure, you challenge her on multiple levels. Firstly you are saying you're not that easy, which makes you interesting compared to the guys lined up to have her babies. Secondly you challenge her ego and now she wants to be good enough for you.

Title	To Chase or Not to Chase
Author	mytuppence
Upvotes	1
Comments	7
Date	September 26, 2011 3:13 PM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/krvnj/to_chase_or_not_to_chase/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/to-chase-or-not-to-chase.1323009 https://theredarchive.com/post/1323009

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