I have a problem with approaching when I'm alone. . .

ta890 · 2012-02-28T08:47:16+00:00

I can only pick up chicks when I'm around other dudes.

Because of two things:

You have a safe base to work from. Your bros have your back in case any shit goes down, so you feel much safer pushing the boundaries. Think about it in military terms (fair analogy) -- it's a lot easier running up a sand dune to shoot at the enemy when the platoon HQ is just behind you, right?
You have something to prove, whether it be to the AFCs or the Alphas. The motivation to show how good you are and lead the men compels you to approach with more aggression.

Now... how to overcome this? The trick -- aside from getting rid of AA with motivation & determination, which I won't go into -- is to make friends on the fly AS SOON AS YOU ENTER the venue. That means guys/girls whatever. Then you bounce from set to set, and even introduce sets to each other. This has numerous advantages:

You don't have any down time, so your state is always good
You don't look like you're by yourself
You have 'bases' all over the venue to go back to if you need to (see #1)
The male sets help you to prove yourself (see #2)

Another point which might just be for me -- being in set with a bunch of guys makes me realise how pathetic my night would be if I DON'T approach. Am I really going to be like these guys standing around in a circle jerk just looking at the women? Hell no! Get the fuck outta there and talk to some girls!

puaCurveBall · 2012-02-28T16:48:47+00:00

Talk to this guy: http://www.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/q9tm9/when_im_solo_im_much_better_at_opening_when_im/

OttawaSeddit · 2012-02-28T04:48:33+00:00

Whatever works. Personally I do better with other people, but sometimes going out by yourself is good practice. But if that works for you--get a wingman! Just make sure he keeps his distance when you are isolating.

heat128 · 2012-02-28T04:51:11+00:00

I know the feeling, I've been there a lot, to be honest it's easier to reenforce habits when you're around people (hence why doing online classes in college may seem like a good idea to some people, but fails in the long run because there's no way to enforce discipline except through yourself.) three second rule in pick up worked for me thus far, I still get into the habit of letting AA get to me if I'm alone though.

PUA talk of consistency as "approaching when you're not in state." I think it's just something you get over as you keep doing it, just my prospective.

30vanquish · 2012-02-28T05:04:52+00:00

It's easier to talk to people when I'm already talking to others although I'm good when alone. It comes down: What puts you into a talking mood? If it's some challenge your friends make, why not keep that in your mind always? Like in your mind they're watching you approach.

StarkNYC · 2012-02-28T05:47:54+00:00

I've experienced this too. I wonder if it's some kind of ego thing where I like showing off.

Solution for me was just to keep forcing myself to do it alone. Marathon sessions ftw

vj88 · 2012-02-28T12:18:59+00:00

If you feel its a problem continually put yourself in that situation to get yourself to change it.

eg Go out to bars by yourself.

Also it could be cause when you are alone you aren't in a talky mood. At the start of the night chat to some guys. I generally just say "hey man, hows your night been". I usually make friends with them, hang out with them for an hour or two than im in the right mood/state to start approaching. Some nights you could get lucky and the those guys are with the hotties of the night, and there you go social proof.

erthian · 2012-02-28T05:51:55+00:00

Its a built in DHV, which is an outside aspect of PU. Work more on inner game and you'll be solid.

Casual-T · 2012-02-29T03:56:48+00:00

I'm the same way. Went clubbing one night with some friends and I would randomly approach girls and try to get their phone #'s without hesitation. One of my buddies and HIS girlfriend were almost in shock and were saying stuff like "Wow, he has game!".

Now when I'm on campus by myself at my university, I just sort of do my own thing and not talk to anyone unless I run into a friend.

SandalMoon · 2012-02-29T05:26:19+00:00

I'm going to go out on a limb here (and this is based on my own similar experience to yours, note, I now sarge solo all the time, and usually do really well if not better than with wings): I don't think you're sexually charged.

There came a turning point in my pick up journey where I really got in touch with my sexuality. Then solo sarging became natural - I wanted pussy - let's go get pussy. Making out with and getting laid by attractive women was all that mattered.

In your post you sound more excited about getting DHV's from friends than about building attraction with women...

McGoldfish · 2012-03-01T23:57:33+00:00

I also have this problem. But usually i just talk to ANYbody I see, male/female doesn't matter. Tell some funny stories, be genuinely interested and people around you will notice you. Just made a couple of new friends that I can always come back to (at least for that night). Do this with everybody.

-Antrix- · 2012-02-29T07:49:02+00:00

So I think ta890 & vj88 nailed it

Ta890 with "Think about it in military terms (fair analogy) -- it's a lot easier running up a sand dune to shoot at the enemy when the platoon HQ is just behind you, right?"

and vj88 with "Also it could be cause when you are alone you aren't in a talky mood."

I think I know the solution to this; Talk to other dudes lesser HBs to get into a talkative mood?

Title	I have a problem with approaching when I'm alone. . .
Author	-Antrix-
Upvotes	27
Comments	20
Date	February 28, 2012 3:10 AM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/q94im/i_have_a_problem_with_approaching_when_im_alone/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/i-have-a-problem-with-approaching-when-im-alone.1329110 https://theredarchive.com/post/1329110

Comments