Being yourself vs Being Alpha

Kozbot · 2012-10-04T16:53:38+00:00

be the alpha version of yourself.

pk_atheist · 2012-10-04T16:33:16+00:00

When they say be yourself, what they mean is, don't hide your personality because you're embarrassed or shy.

What they don't mean is embrace your shyness.

If you'd normally make a lame joke when somebody says something, don't hide it because there's a girl present. Go for it.

But you know, shut the fuck up about star wars. Don't be that much yourself. Not until you've established yourself at least.

TacoT4coTaco · 2012-10-04T19:31:13+00:00

I'm very much working on this right now, certainly no expert, but "being a more alpha version of yourself" didn't mean much to me until I started focusing on being decisive about what I wanted. Whether alpha or beta, in a lot of situations you have an outcome you want. The beta thing to do is to ask, not wanting to rub people the wrong way, and hope things go your way. The alpha thing to do is just to say fuck it and just start doing the things the way you want them to happen.

Some recent examples:

Out with a girl, we've had a few drinks. I want to change venues and I'm getting hungry. Beta me probably would have said something like 'Want to go get something to eat?' 'What do you like/do you know anywhere around here that's good?' (or maybe just kept sitting there until she said she had to go, not wanting to disrupt our conversation). Instead, I just said "Let's go grab some tacos." And led her to delicious taco place near by.

Dancing at a wedding, and the DJ says something about putting on a slow song, almost everyone I knew there was in a relationship, so they all couple off. Cute girl nearby, beta me kicks in and says 'Want to dance?' she sort of hems and haws and makes some excuse about being kinda sweaty. Fortunately, I'm a little drunk and alpha me kicks back in, I say 'Let's dance' and start dancing with her. We have a lovely time, end up making out later.

Flirting with a casual acquaintance at a bar. We end up sharing a cab home. I want to kiss her. Beta me would have sat there until she made it painfully obvious that she was down to make out (unlikely) or we got to her destination and she got out with nothing happening. Alpha me said fuck it. kissed her, and we had a lovely cab make out session.

If you meet resistance, then certainly reassess. But I've found that once you start being decisive and taking the lead, you rarely meet resistance.

JamesEatWorld · 2012-10-04T16:51:39+00:00

What sort of works for me is to go for the alpha side of you. Just be confident and outgoing, as if you're acting the person you want to be, with time, you naturally will feel like that, as it's a positive re-enforcement cycle. Go for it, be alpha, an be the person to want to be.

XseCrystal · 2012-10-04T17:55:38+00:00

This is what inner game is all about. Some use the term "fake it til you make it." When you understand how this works it is just a matter of finding out where to start "faking it"

Practice speaking out loud into a mirror. Use a topic you are knowledgeable about, even if it's something you find "nerdy." Get used to the sound of yourself speaking.

The more you speak on things you KNOW FOR A FACT. The faster you become confident in the things you say. It's not about being deceptive. It's about becoming comfortable with yourself around other people (especially women). You don't have to be cocky if it doesn't feel comfortable.

I have always felt that cockiness is where confidence and humor meet. If you're confident in what you're saying AND having a good time you might just start becoming "cocky" in spite of yourself.

riceguy01 · 2012-10-04T17:34:30+00:00

Fake it till you make it. Eventually you feel something change, you'll have an Ah-Ha moment where you feel that you can be yourself around anyone, including beautiful women. And when you are yourself, you don't care if other people like you. Not everyone is going to and it's not a big deal. It's them, not you. Keep working at building your confidence, keep approaching girls and act like you would around your friends. Trust me, you will feel the change.

TheLyons · 2012-10-04T19:21:48+00:00

Be your best self.

Exploretheunknown · 2012-10-05T05:54:27+00:00

Let me start by saying I HATE THE TERM ALPHA. It is shit and negatively impacts so many guys.

I think most of the replies are close but not exactly correct. Being Alpha is being accepting of yourself and how you feel. It is not doing anything differently, it is just accepting who you are.

Just own whatever you are doing. Don't be scared to say whatever is on your mind. Do whatever you want and don't worry about appearances.

Saying fuck this, I am going to do something else such as going for a walk has gotten me laid more than trying to be "alpha" at a party. Yes, I can dominate the party and get girls interested that way, but I would rather have a solid conversation with a girl, and then invite her to do something I enjoy than something I am only doing to get laid. The "alpha" move is just to do what makes you happy and if you get laid as a result that's great. Funniest part is by changing your focus to doing what brings you happiness you will get laid more.

Even if that isn't an option owning what you are going is being alpha. If you are in a situation where you only know one or two people and everyone else knows each other, fear not. You can feel awkward, as long as you own it. Hell, if you own it and accept that you are feeling awkward you will stop feeling nearly as awkward. In addition, I have personal experience with girls noticing that I am feeling awkward, and coming over to me. After that all that is needed is to own that you feel out of place, and they will be very impressed. Most guys can't do that/ wouldn't even think of ever admitting they felt out of place.

mhrdth · 2012-10-05T02:14:36+00:00

I found it useful to go to the extreme of being alpha -an asshole- and then balance it out with being nice. It's like taking a pendulum to one end and let it swing until it finds the sweet spot to stay at.
I, myself, after being an asshole for a while ended up on the right place.

squarehouse · 2012-10-05T02:54:12+00:00

There's a lot of sides to this, let me just tell you one. There's been a lot of discussion about this, and a lot of right answers. "Alpha" itself is characterized in many different ways, and most of the discussions are very speculative. Alpha should just mean that character that men possess that make him attractive to the opposite sex. What exactly is this character? I don't think we really know, not for certain. It's easier to understand what is beta than to understand what is alpha, but alpha isn't just the absence of beta.

But here's my response: You can never be yourself. When we say "yourself" we are referring to a sort of illusion, that is really an identity generated by our interactions with other people. This is usually called your persona. There really isn't anything behind the persona. By changing your behavior, outlook, body language, and manner of speaking, you change the way others relate to you, and therefore you change who you are. You change your persona by challenging it.

WhimsicalJim · 2012-10-05T06:51:55+00:00

Alpha is overused. Just be yourself and be confident. Set boundaries and goals and don't let things or people get in the way of them. There is no need to change who you are unless you have a stick up your ass.

Title	Being yourself vs Being Alpha
Author	brandnewguy99
Upvotes	17
Comments	19
Date	October 4, 2012 3:45 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/10xuzt/being_yourself_vs_being_alpha/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/being-yourself-vs-being-alpha.1340564 https://theredarchive.com/post/1340564

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