Dealing with depression. Should my starting point be different?

Throwaway98753231 · 2012-11-03T19:17:48+00:00

People will tell you that you need to "get over" your depression before making progress in others things. As someone whose been clinically depressed for many years. This is a load of shit.

Now, you should still work on it. Start lifting (or another form of intense exercise). Personally, the only time life isn't painful is when I lift. Therapy is great. Do it. I've had therapy for 3 years, I still do--it's easy because it's free through my school. and I assume if you're in school it'll be free as well. Try medication if you want through a psychiatrist, but try therapy first. I've found meds that help me but they slow me down cognitively--which is all I really have.

I'm a bit ahead in your position I guess in that I do get invited to things, though my social life is laughable. I don't ever feel like going, and usually don't (and I always have been like this). I've been on one date, I'm a virgin as well. So I haven't dealt with my problems, but it's clear in your situation, or at least mine that being a virgin and having a laughable social life contribute to the depression.

You're also not suicidal. That's a step ahead of me. I find life painful, I always have. I'm just too fatigued all the time to kill myself. So I purposely have a horrible lifestyle that'll drag on my health (amphetamines and cigarettes) and ideally kill me of heart disease/lung cancer by 30. You're not at this point, and you don't ever have to be.

I also think that if I even were to get a girl right now, I would just become really dependent on her and drag her down with me.

Ignore that fact. If you got a girl and that happens? So what? You experienced something and you'll improve from there. People here really like to feed the bullshit of working on yourself to be perfect and confident before moving on to these things. Don't bother. If you're actually "confident" you should read Plato's Trial of Socrates--you know nothing. Confidence is a stupid quality of personality people adopt to attract others, nothing else. So if you do become needy with a girl, so what? She'll break up from you. You failed. You learn from it and move on. If all that happens, that's a step ahead, isn't it? All you can do is slowly improve in that aspect of life. The fact that you're not completely hopeless puts you ahead of me. You should still learn to give off "confidence", but realize that's a load of shit because people here make it seem like internalizing confidence is easy and that it improves life every way, when really it's just social improvement.

Good luck.

CP_Cuddler · 2012-11-04T03:38:19+00:00

Last night I was feeling down in a serious funk (seasonal depression here). I was getting so down on myself that I hadn't been able to set up a day-2 in a while. I told myself fuck that. I went outside for a long ass walk around campus. I thought about all the shit I've done in my life, all the mistakes, successes, etc. I thought about all the reasons I'm awesome and I tried to think of all the things I can improve upon in my life (working out, sarging more, studying, etc)

Then you know what I fucking did?

I sat. I fucking sat next to a fountain, in the cold of night at 1 am for 30 minutes. You know what I thought about? nothing Clear your mind. Get on that next level Buddhist shit. That will fuck your depression so hard, it will go crying to it's whore mother.

Then you game my friend. You go out, and you fucking game.

GrayFoxHops · 2012-11-03T19:14:33+00:00

I would advise staying away from r/depression, first of all. r/seduction and r/askseddit got me out of my depression in ways that are actually significant as opposed to just coping with and continuing my depression. The folks on r/depression are already defeated, and just looking for solidarity. If you are looking for change, then I think this board could benefit you.

Here's some advice from me:

You don't need other people for validation. You are intrinsically valuable as a human being, and extremely lucky to be one, no matter how shitty things get.
Do something that makes you happy, like joining a club. You will meet people there.

I'm still a virgin

Yeah, so am I, but who the fuck cares? Many people consider that a good thing. Why do you have to meet our culture's standard for sexual practices? It used to be taboo to have sex before marriage. Why does it matter to you? I project that you're just looking for validation from females.
Other people are not entitled to your time. If they don't want to accept the gift of your time and attention, find people that will. You are not obligated to be friends with person X, Y, or Z.
Work out! I didn't take this advice seriously at first, but it is a great feeling to go run, lift, and wail on a punching bag. It is a great confidence booster for me.
Also, have a good diet and sleep schedule. If you feel shitty because of a lack of good food/sleep, it will be much harder to feel less shitty about other things.
Talk to everyone! Don't be dependent on the outcome. There will always be a next time, but don't get attached to one person. Start with people you will never see again, or people you are expected to talk to. Like a cashier or a barista at a coffee shop. When I was depressed, talking to other people, when expecting the worst, showed me that sometimes people are friendly for no reason :P

I'm not saying that this board will fix your problems, but it will help you with approaching and courting women. In the end, you have to seek professional advice and help, but if you have approach anxiety when it comes to women, then this is your board. Also consider that talking to dudes as friends may be harder for you than it should be, and similar principles to the ones on this board can be applied.

The concept of "inner game" is an important topic for someone who is depressed. While it is used as a basis for approaching and talking to women, it is also essentially the opposite of depression. Be careful not to inflate your ego, but read tips on getting inner game and feeling confident.

Also, I would caution against taking every single piece of advice on the board. As I've heard another user write, this is not a cult. Take only the advice that you see as ethical, while still being patient and open-minded.

pickup_sticks · 2012-11-03T22:00:57+00:00

I'm a huge fan of therapy and medication. Don't assume the first thing you try is the only solution. I tried several medications before I found one that really worked for me. I also tried several therapists.

All the other comments about fitness are true to a point, but I've suffered suicidal depression even when in the best shape of my life. I remember thinking "I'm doing everything right and none of it is working."

sunnydiv · 2012-11-04T13:57:51+00:00

one of the best ways to deal with depression

volunteer, help those who are less fortunate than you

works wonders

kurtgodelisdead · 2012-11-03T19:16:43+00:00

What should I do seddit? Where should I start?

Diet. Exercise. Meditate. Therapy. Maybe try yoga. Look into meds, see if they work for you.

As someone who has dealt with depression, I can tell you that it never completely goes away. You just learn to deal with it.

If you can get through a day with at most 1-2 serious negative thoughts, then you're probably ready to get back into the game. Until then, fix your depression first..

lulsause · 2012-11-03T21:43:51+00:00

became too self aware

right in the feels man..

This basically happened to me this semester. It can either be your greatest gift or biggest curse

ThrowawayPUA · 2012-11-03T20:12:19+00:00

Yes this really belongs in AskSeddit but since there are some responses by some sedditors that have gone to some serious effort, we'll let it slide for now.

Look, you're in college now. This is the real world and not the sheltered existence you had in high school, where the only thing you had in common with people is that you lived in the same school district. This is where you have to learn how to make your way in the real world. And colleges understand that many students have some difficulty making adjustments.

On the one hand, this is the first time in your life when you have been able to choose what studies you want to put your effort into, and the first time you have been able to associate with people who share your interests. Then on the other hand, you've been cut loose from your previous social structures (however artificial and possibly painful they might have been) and you need to form your own social circle. This can feel isolating, at first.

But no matter how you're taking things, you aren't alone. Your college knows this, and has put some support structures in place to help you make the transition.

Now I'm not just talking about services like your Student Health program, where you can access counseling and psychology services. I am also talking about how the college sets up systems so students can share their common interests with each other. If you just wanted to learn, you could sit in a library by yourself, but in college, you are expected to interact with your colleagues. Your professors and fellow students are all looking for people that share their interests.

So if you're interested in something, look for social groups organized around that topic. Interested in movies? There's probably a film society that gets together to watch films. Interested in gaming? Oh for sure there's a gamer's group. Interested in the Czechoslovakian Hockey League? Well there's probably no group for that, but hey, form a group and publicize it and you might be surprised that someone out there shares that interest too.

Go look on the bulletin boards in the department offices of your major or minor. There are probably ongoing events listed in every department office. Book readings, lectures by visiting scholars, films, study groups, etc. If there's nothing you're interested, post your own notice.

You're in the time of your life where you have to figure some shit out. It isn't easy. But you're in an environment that is supportive of any direction you want to go. Use it, or lose it. In years to come, you will think back on all the things you did and the directions you formed for yourself that you didn't even realize. Or else you will spend your future years regretting that you didn't take full advantage of it.

Title	Dealing with depression. Should my starting point be different?
Author	throwawaydep90
Upvotes	15
Comments	15
Date	November 3, 2012 6:34 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/12ko7a/dealing_with_depression_should_my_starting_point/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/dealing-with-depression-should-my-starting-point.1342189 https://theredarchive.com/post/1342189

Comments