Share with the beginners: What trick do you use to show dominance but at the same time show that you are sweet and a gentlement?

caesarfecit · 2013-02-06T18:51:53+00:00

Okay... I see a lot of posts here talking about being "alpha", and I have to be honest, I think this is the wrong approach.

Most people's concept of alpha is just a recipe to be the stereotypical asshole. Only histrionic and/or dependent women really respond to that.

There's a place to put on that suit, and in my opinion it's mostly in the bedroom.

Instead, I say this:

Be comfortable taking the lead/initiative
Be self approving and hold your own view of reality

Men that do this hint very well at a dominant side without necessarily being controlling or over-bearing or getting into pissing contests about having their way.

To say that in order to lead you need to put on the alpha act is like saying the only way to coach a team is to be the drill sergeant. Its applying one strategy to every context, which is a classic mistake.

I say instead, start with accepting your own view of reality. This is built with experience, confidence, and plain-old courage. If you prioritize someone else's view of reality over your own, you can't lead, cause you're being led.

Once you have that, then determine what strategy of leading works best for the situation:

-Permissive: Emphasis on non-needy: she makes up her own damn mind unless she leaves you openings to establish a direction. Pratfall here is assuming she doesn't want to be led at all, lots of women want to be led, but with a deft touch rather than a heavy hand. Failing to recognize this distinction from a permissive style leads to nice guy syndrome.

-Cooperative: Emphasis on openness and vulnerability-embracing: decisions have more give and take - you make decisions but hear her out as well, and explain your reasoning when necessary. Pratfall here is talking when you should act.

-Authoritative: Emphasis on pure dominance: you make the decisions, assuming she will go along, even if she gives token resistance. Pratfall here is ignoring her wishes completely, especially if she has a valid objection. This is how authoritative style can cross into rapey/overbearing territory.

I find the rule of thumb is how heavily the sexual frame is established and how submissive the girl in question is. Sometimes you never need to bother with adopting a permissive or authoritative style, as I think most healthy LTRs have a more or less cooperative style, outside of sex which is much more fluid and polarized.

Then all leading becomes is an art of managing emotions and moving confidently towards a mutually beneficial outcome. Your goal with leading an interaction should be to never leave a decision-making vacuum. Take the initiative every time unless you have a damn good reason not to.

But the real secret of leadership is the ability to accept fears and doubts from the people following you and replace it with calm, optimistic confidence. This leads back into the original point, don't let others define your view of reality. All stealing a frame is, is painting her frame as leading into yours, which enables you to take the initiative as you're both going in the same direction.

reallytricky · 2013-02-06T14:06:14+00:00

Its all about being alpha. YOU are the one who decides where you guys go, YOU are the one who decides the topics you talk about, YOU are the one who decides that the group should get another round and bounce.

Small things where you can start are making yourself more alpha with your body language. When you sit open your legs to take up space, spread your arms and dont squish them to your sides. When talking with a group or a girl lead the conversation, decide and change the topic talked about and lead it physically as well. Lets say you want to change the place you are talking with a chick at, dont just ask her "do you want to go sit over there", drag her with you and say something like "lets go take a seat over there". Remember neutral rapport (tone) with some variation to breaking rapport (situation and context dependent). Also work on your posture, dont sit humped up in a corner, but sit visibly with a good posture.

Also a good technique is to steal ideas and reshape them as yours. Lets say someone says in the group that we should go to another place and you can hear that theres some agreement, but nobody is really moving since people are kind of waiting for someone to take leadership and decide if so shall be done (this happens constantly). So instead of agreeing with others be more like "alright guys I got a plan, shits starting to get boring here, so lets get our asses up and hit up that new club down the street". So here people had the thought of going "somewhere else", you took that idea and gave it a concrete part, club X down the street. Take action, take the leader position, and assert your dominance. Girls will notice this.

Optimally, in my opinion, you want to become the guy people call to ask whats happening today, where are we going today, etc. You are the one girls come to, because you are the alpha male and YOU run the show. The party doesn't start before you arrive.

Some parts of this might come off as somewhat aggressive, but once you apply it its more of many subtle things that just bring you to the attention and make people notice that you are the one calling the shots. Thus, the alpha male.

Be the guy people call, not the one who calls others. Be awesome.

StockholmPUA · 2013-02-06T11:52:05+00:00

There are tons of ways of displaying dominance, but how you do it depends a bit on how subtle/unsubtle you want to be out it.

Some discreet ways to assert dominance could be leading conversations (ie asking questions or changing the subject), coming up with minor activites ("Let's go buy a drink", "Let's talk over there" etc) and also controlling the pace of the interaction through body language and kino.

Less subtle ways could be more physical (ie pushing/pulling her towards the bar/dancefloor/you), smiple nagging/teasing: being vocally dominant and taking up space with body language.

If you don't know how to do the last point, think of it like this: How are you sitting right now? Are you making yourself smaller (crossing your legs, hunching your shoulders etc) in any way? Don't. Take up some space by putting your hands behind your head, stretching out your legs and so on. This will make you look and feel more confident to others and yourself. Hope this helps you!

ThrowawayPUA · 2013-02-06T12:35:40+00:00

Showing dominance means you aren't dominant. The key of dominance is that you don't need to exert your dominance, you just are.

2013-02-06T16:42:32+00:00

Dominance is something inherent in your nature. If you aren't naturally dominant you have to build it into yourself. The basic aspect of it is that you're the one in control of the situation. Even if other people are allowed to operate freely they are doing so with your permission. That doesn't mean you have to be controlling; that in effect has the opposite effect by making you seem insecure.

For me, dominance comes out naturally when I know that I'm connected with the girl (i.e. man-woman frame 100% established). From that point on it's gravy. I've been complemented on this extensively and I really don't know what I do. I just am that.

Yes, for sure, body language is part of being dominant. The other part is in decision-making. If anyone around you is indecisive for even 2 seconds you step in and make the choice for them. Women especially can accept - and really really like - when you take charge of the situation.

You can be sweet and caring, but at no point should you ever cede control over to her side. You are the master of the scene; everything is going on around you because you allow it and if you choose to be caring and attentive that's fine. Think "doting father" instead of "pandering boyfriend."

Tenmagnet · 2013-02-06T18:22:55+00:00

Two ones that I use a lot:

1) Grabbing her hand and leading her places. 2) If we're in a place where we're being jostled (such as a dance floor or a bar) I put my elbows out in such a way that people don't hit her.

Only1nDreams · 2013-02-06T23:33:02+00:00

Becoming alpha doesn't have tricks or behaviours, it's a state of mind. And attempting to fake it when you aren't is incredibly risky and most girls will sniff it out without breaking a sweat. They're wired to separate the cream from the chafe and do it very well.

Luckily, becoming more alpha is a pretty simple process. First and foremost, lift. Exercising pumps your body full of testosterone, which will not only make you act more dominant, but will deepen your voice and make you more comfortable taking the lead. Another thing, play competitive sports, intramurals, club sports, squash, tennis, whatever. Competing is another way to boost your testosterone.

I'm not saying that it doesn't require you to make some active changes to how you approach your interactions with women, but boosting what makes you alpha from within will be much more helpful than trying to learn hollow tricks that will only work a percentage of the time.

ryanjames01 · 2013-02-06T12:20:38+00:00

I sit them down, give them a lap dance and make them take my clothes off.

Title	Share with the beginners: What trick do you use to show dominance but at the same time show that you are sweet and a gentlement?
Author	Idontlikekarmawhores
Upvotes	13
Comments	19
Date	February 6, 2013 10:04 AM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/17zqlb/share_with_the_beginners_what_trick_do_you_use_to/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/share-with-the-beginners-what-trick-do-you-use-to.1346962 https://theredarchive.com/post/1346962

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