Let's start with a little bit of background for perspective:

  • 20 Years Old
  • College Student
  • Based in NYC

As a kid, I was always the fat one out. Growing up I was constantly teased, and while I had friends I could never say they were very close (it took a while to realize it, unfortunately). At 16, or sophomore year of high school, I decided enough was enough and I lost the weight. I got into the best physical shape of my life, got a girlfriend (broke up before college), lost my virginity, all the good stuff.

Since sophomore year of college, it has all been downhill. For some reason, I have become completely apathetic and my inner game is completely gone. After losing weight and discovering Seddit, I had my mind blown and I went on a personal development binge. I got better in almost all aspects of my life, but I developed my social skills specifically. Right now, it's as if the clock is being wound backwards - I have made significant progress but it seems like it's being undone.

In July of 2012, I was jumped for looking at some guy's woman the "wrong way", and that may be the cause of the downfall.

Regardless, I have become completely apathetic, and I'm not sure what to do. Conscious me knows that I am attractive, I dress well, and I have the basics down. I know how to flirt and I've read more Seddit material than I'd like to admit to. All the basics in the are in place - yet I don't do anything. I've completely hit a rut. Not only with girls, but my social calibration has never fully evolved. I've even considered that I might have a mild form of Aspergers Disease, but you'd never guess if you just met me.

On the other hand, I am fully confident in business ventures and any other serious projects. I have all the qualities needed, I just can't perceive myself as valuable (in a sense).

For example, last night I was out with my friends at my best friends birthday party. I was hanging out, having fun, surrounded by tons of single, attractive girls - yet I did not even try to flirt or to make any advances. It's not like it was new to me, I've done it before tons of times, but it's like I've reverted to being a hermit crab...

I'm not sure exactly what advice I'm looking for, but I'll take anything that can get me out of this mental pause. I feel like life is being lived around me and I am not in control. Thank you for making it this far in this wall of text, and I'll take any wake up calls you have to give me.