I genuinely appreciate the support given from the first article written yesterday. Confidence is really going to make you feel alive, like your dreams are quite possible. For those of you that missed it, here it is.

A couple of things to add on that quickly, make sure you accomodate yourself in feeling comfortable. Leaning on something, standing side by side rather than chest towards chest, and really taking the pressure off yourself to think of something clever will all go a long ways in your interactions.

Also, stay out of your own head. If you focus more on them and being in the moment, it's very much like poker: if you play your hand, you're full of doubt. Playing them based on their hand, is like playing offensively rather than defensively. Maybe not the best analogy as this isn't a competition or trying to defeat the other person, but it's going to feel a lot less like they're judging you and more like you're the one in control of things. I read a study of a speed dating service, where you had 5 minutes with each person, and then the timer goes off and one sex had to get up and move on to the next person. Oddly enough, when the women had to get up and move instead of what is usually the guys, they felt more vulnerable, like they were the ones being interviewed and judged. In the surveys given afterwords on which guys they liked and would consider, there were significantly more names given by each woman. So have that feeling like you're the interviewer, not the interviewee trying to impress.

Alright, I really like this next topic, so let's dive right into it.

How To Have Deep & Meaningful Confersations

You can have small talk all day long and not feel too much success. Small talk is by & far better than nothing, but it's not like people are going to feel close to you just because you said hey to each other. You're going to have to peel back some layers and make a connection. This sounds like a hard thing to do with someone you don't know, it isn't. Almost everything is easy when you break it down with solid strategy.

There always needs to be an opener. So many guys are stuck on having the perfect opener. The opener doesn't matter much at all. In fact, I think you're going to have more success if you focus on having an empathetic opener rather than something super witty. An empathetic opener would be to throw yourself in their shoes and talk to them about something they've likely thought about in the last few hours. This kind of opener will usually have them responding without even taking the time to consider whether or not you're worth their time of day. Here's a few examples:

  • (If they're working) "Got a long day ahead of you?"
  • (At the mall) "Do you know if it's supposed to rain later on today?"
  • (Anywhere really) "Do you know of anywhere really good to eat somewhere around here?"

This is really just to get the conversation going. Did you blow their mind? No. But did they respond? 99% of the time, without hesitation. An opener is just your foot in the door. You can't stay on that subject forever without it getting old quickly, but that's why we smoothly transition out of it into deeper territory.

Before we get into transitioning, let's lay out really what our goal is here. There's a video made by Simon Sinek about how most people/businesses focus on what they do. Those that go deeper focus on how they do what they do. The most successful, however, focus on why they do what they do. That is what we are going to do with our conversations, get people to open up on the hows and whys of their lives. (Btw: having this philosophy in every aspect of your life will improve it, you'll become great at most everything you get into.)

A typical guy will go up to some girl and barrage them with whowhatwherewhen questions: where do you go to school, what do you study, who's your teacher..... fucking boring shit. These girls get approached so damn often with questions that make them want to bail from this interview from the very get go. But how many guys ask them why are they going for their college major, or how that field of work has influenced their lives. This will have them really digging into themselves, bringing up stories and having them experience emotions they have associated with it.

Alright, I'm sure some of you have heard of using FORD (Family Occupation Recreation Dreams) as subjects of conversation when wanting to have conversations with people. Absolutely. I'm going to add one more to that, which often can lead to that person becoming a solid character in your life, if you so desire. Let's break them down:

Family: Self-explanatory. Anything from what it was like growing up to whether or not they have kids, a close relationship with their parents, and so on. This also will reveal a lot about what type of person they are, which will help you see whether or not they're the right type for you.

Occupation: This can be anything from the job they currently have to what job they really want. Again, focus on the whys and not the whats. Why a career in nursing? (Lots of single nurses/cnas. These girls usually have a big heart and would make great gf's/wives, if they've got their act together.)

Recreation: What they do in their spare time: hobbies, games, vacations, anything they find interesting or fun. A great opportunity to connect on things that you both find fun. But why do they like to do ____? What side does it bring out in them?

Dreams: This could be either strange dreams they've had all the way to where do they wish they are in a few years from now. This is like taking them to their fantasyland where they're now experiencing all that sense of excitement and comfort that those dreams bring... and they're associating that feeling with you now!

This is the one that is brought out later on, once the comfort level is quite high.

Week/Weekend: This is for solid closing. "I got a lot going on coming up here, lots to think about and lots of dragons to slay. What about you? What do you have going on this week/weekend?" This will lead them to talk about what they've got going on, and if they feel comfortable enough with you, they might just invite you to join them. All this without intruding or awkwardly trying to impose them yourself. This is a great way to gauge their interest level in you, without feeling much rejection if they don't invite you. Next time you see them, ask them how it went. Great way to reignite and converse deeply again.

Alright, so bridging this gap between your opener and deep talk is something you can easily be in control of. Whichever way you want to steer the conversation. Let's lay out an example of all five, from opener to deep conversation.

Family: Long day at work? Yeah, me too. Come to find out my sister's going through a nasty breakup, so trying to help her through that. How about you, are you close with your family?

Occupation: Do you know if it's supposed to rain today? Good to know, I gotta do some travelling for my job. What line of work are you in?

Recreation: Do you know of anywhere good to eat round here? Yeah, just looking to grab something with some buddies in a bit before we head out downtown. Somewhere we usually don't go. What places do you like to hang out at in town here?

Dreams: You look like you've had a long day. Yeah, sometimes it's days like these that makes me remember it's worth it in the long run. What makes all the hard work worth it for you?

Week/Weekend: (Probably don't want to use right away on strangers.) How's everything going? Things are going good here, just gearing up for a night out with an old friend of mine that's in town. What you got going on?

See? Simple as that. Empathetic opener, smooth transition, and you're making connections that last. Pure strategy to get to know these people in a way that will leave a lasting impression. Remember to keep it about 50/50. Too much of you talking seems like you're too into yourself. Too much of them and they won't really feel like they know you still. Connect on things, you don't have to do the whole "me too" all the time. Some contrast is good. Shows you are your own person.

Connecting with people is a great way to building a fruitful and rewarding life. It's a huge part of what women look for in a guy, someone who understands them. This is how you get over the difficulty of making friends that will actively be a part in your personal life. And yet it can be so simple. Awesome.

Alright, so far this has been a universal thing, works for both guys and girls. Next article, we focus on the differences between the two, and for the most part, focus on building Attraction. Looking forward to it. Later!