I'm fed up of being the guy people only go to for help/if they need something. Help me be the guy people want to be around.

subheight640 · 2014-06-16T05:24:36+00:00

High school can really suck. Some people's high point of their lives will be at high school. For others, it will be their worst experience.

Anyways, a good way to make friends is to join some extracurricular clubs. Just go sign up for whatever remotely interests you (they're also great for college apps). Band, orchestra, sports, art, math-club, whatever. Any excuse to hang out with your peers is a great way to meet new people and make new friends.

If you want to put yourself out there, don't be afraid to invite people out to see a movie, or to borrow their stuff, or play video games, or whatever else. It sucks to get shut down, but it's great when people say yes. Other high school kids, just like you, are bored on the weekend and are just itching for someone to ask them to go out and do something, anything! Be that person to initiate good times!

Also, people can be vain. Being more attractive never hurts. Little things like wearing clothing that is 1. fashionable, 2. well-fit will subconsciously make some people like you more. Being athletic also never hurts either. Having good fitness, and a muscular/lean physique are typically pluses. Fitness/sports is also just a great hobby to have and another opportunity to make friends. Join the swim team or the weightlifting team or wrestling or soccer or whatever, anything is better than nothing. If you suck at sports, well, high school is a good time to learn to get better.

As far as reading books about this shit, IMO 50% of PU material is a waste of time, and 20% of the time it can actually be counter-productive by trying to fit a personality or worldview on you that simply isn't you. The best way to learn is through personal experience, and you're going to get that by forcing yourself into social situations in clubs or sports or whatever. Don't be some armchair seductionist. Go out and socialize, in real life. Your reading time is better served reading the assigned school materials, some of them which can be surprisingly good, and reading up on higher brow philosophy and literature. As a bonus, these books can serve as great conversation for the bookworm girls or guys!

You know, you might go through all of high school and never get laid. And you know what? Nobody will give a fuck after high school - and at best, at least you aren't some baby-daddy. But if you spend this time in some way improving yourself, either by concentrating on school-work, or sports, or musical instruments, or club-activities, or whatever, it's not time wasted.

Anyways, good luck on your next year.

tectonic9 · 2014-06-16T07:18:13+00:00

What are some tricks into picking up girls or just asking for their numbers?

You may not want to hear it, but that shouldn't be your priority. Work on being more social in general. Join some clubs and talk to people there. Talk to the people with lockers near yours. Talk to the people in your classes (after class). Talk about TV. Talk about classes and assignments. Talk about sports. Talk about current events. Talk about games. Talk about whatever interests you.

Right now your priorities should be doing well in school obviously, and developing social comfort and eventually charisma. For now, don't try to focus on just people you're attracted to, try to be a broadly social and pleasantly outgoing guy in general. As you've found, this means putting in an effort yourself, not just waiting in the hopes that others make the effort to befriend you.

gouhst · 2014-06-16T10:55:48+00:00

Read Models by Mark Manson. The book has literally changed my life, not only in seduction. People who I've recommended it to say the same.

I wish I could link to the pdf I have but I'm on my phone. I'm sure you can find it online, hopefully someone else links it

recyclablebantha · 2014-06-16T09:02:47+00:00

Join an extra-curricular activity. Talk to people there. That should be an excellent start.

mynamesjoey · 2014-06-16T05:16:21+00:00

i would suggest wearing the mentality that your company, your presence, is more valuable than anyone else's.find something that you are passionate about and pursuing that aside from anything else. i feel that girls should never be the objective, they should just be a side effect of your self improvement.

DiscreteOpinion · 2014-06-16T07:52:38+00:00

Get a hobby and get good at it. People like to be around other people who are passionate about life. Ignore the bullshit and just get absorbed in what ever it is you love doing. The people will come along in time.

2014-06-16T12:46:30+00:00

Hey man, i was pretty much you except i had the advantage of being interested in developing myself personally (gym mostly), so i became pretty good looking and people ended up wanting to be my friend/ socialise with me at first. when they realised i was awkward/ weird it fell apart so i stayed with my really close friends, and all of us are eccentric in our own way, despite me being known as the eccentric. You have to DO SOMETHING. Something you can be good at and be proud of. For me it was weightlifting, you could do anything, the point is that you can join a club or whatever, and meet people. and talk to people.

1 thing: just do random shit. be a yes man. mormons/ christians on the street want to speak to you? talk to them. go have their lesson. don't buy their religion, just talk to them. ask them questions. start from there. then just start talking to people.

at the moment you have nothing to lose. it doesn't matter if you fuck up. start talking to guys first. guys who obviously aren't the big jocks. try the more clever, nerdy kind of group. just talk to them. over time, you'll get better at conversations with people, and your confidence will grow. it just takes time. that#s what happened to me.

first year of university was rdiculous for me. I had done work as a fucking underwear model, and i do life modelling for hen parties, so i know i'm good looking, i'eve been told too many times, yet i was still a virgin. I was autistic as fuck with girls. I just grew confidence and now i have had sex with a few girls, and ended up with a girlfriend. (and my gf's best friend craving my dick. not sure how i did that one)

Turns out, you literally have to not give a fuck. spend time talking to people. realise what is and what isn't acceptable socially (humour on the internet is a lot darker than most 'normal' people's humour in my experience. i often weirded people out with dark humour. don't go too dark. especially for girls. girls can be very self righteous), and just talk to girls. i had a mental block where i couldn't talk to girls very easily, my mind just died: practice was the key.

anything you can do to lose that inner voice inside you telling you not to talk to people. just fucking do it. if they shaft you, THEY'RE THE ASSHOLES.

Edit: tips for picking up girls. Fucking watch this. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YsnIYDk1RAM

cmdrxander · 2014-06-16T13:27:16+00:00

I feel like I can relate to this, I've just finished my second year of university and my first year started off very similar to how you describe yours. Who do you sit with in class? Try chatting to people either on the way to class or as you wait outside, then sit with them. I must've sat next to half of the people on my course (of 120 people) at some point throughout these last couple of years.

I think the root of your problems is not being comfortable enough with yourself. Do you work out? If not, join a gym and start lifting some weights. Read the sidebar and FAQ of /r/fitness, it doesn't really matter exactly what you do to start off with, just start looking after yourself a bit more.

Start paying attention to how you dress a bit more carefully. I heard a quote a while ago, probably on /r/GetMotivated, and it went something like this:

"If you want good self-esteem, you must do esteemable things."

Basically, doing the things that you think confident people do will make you more confident.

Of course you may be in great shape and dress sharp but just not be in the right place mentally, in which case you just need to be more comfortable around yourself. If you can't enjoy your company, how do you think anyone else will?

Try being a bit more spontaneous, go places and do things on your own, just for the purpose of having fun. (not to say that you should avoid other people) If you meet people while doing these activities then all the better! Try and make friends with them. Ask them questions and be genuinely interested in their responses.

Once the confidence starts to come, the social life will start to come. Don't even think about getting a girlfriend until your mind is in the right place.

Sorry if this isn't particularly coherent, I'm just trying to describe what I've done to make this last year the best year of my life so far.

SirByron · 2014-06-16T13:37:20+00:00

Smile constantly.

Foxxz · 2014-06-16T13:50:15+00:00

Highschool was a shitty time for me. I guess I was less of a "man" than others, but that has all changed now. It was a rough LEARNING experience. You will get through it, high school is just one shitty step to get through. Although that doesn't mean you can't make it better. If people are shitty just avoid them, not everyone has grown up yet.

TheGreyGoblin · 2014-06-16T14:41:11+00:00

Pick up an after-school sport, 2 or more would be best; Or before school or at lunch, whatever, doesn't matter. You'll become friends with the guys on the team and you'll be getting in shape. Hit the gym, lift some weights, eat healthy, wear clothes that fit, nothing baggy or that doesn't fit you well. Once you take care of these you won't have a problem with girls. As far as you being quiet goes, you'll just have to start talking more and putting yourself out there more, that part is up to you.

zero7k · 2014-06-16T14:42:36+00:00

lift weights, you're intelligent now be strong. it will build confidence, people will notice and ask for tips and hints on lifting thus talking to you more.

OnlyBobCanJudgeYou7 · 2014-06-16T14:52:01+00:00

I would tell you what to do but you wont do it or you'll give me a million reasons as to why you cant.

2014-06-16T15:08:47+00:00

Stand up straight and look people in the eye when you speak to them, and smile. These are the easiest and fastest ways to become more approachable.

shanahanigans · 2014-06-16T16:09:34+00:00

I can relate, I was similarly awkward at your age.

The reality is, nobody has a magic bullet that will suddenly make you a socializing expert. Also, I strongly advise that you NOT go down the

some tricks into picking up girls or just asking for their numbers?

path, since you won't find happiness or fulfillment doing so, and it's not likely to work. Even if it did work, as soon as you run out of tricks the girl will lose all interest in you, because you were basically wearing a mask to attract her.

You want to be the guy people want to be around. First, you must become a guy who wants to be around people, and it doesn't sound like you're there yet. Just talk to people, find out what their all about. People are generally more similar than they are different.

When I make a connection with someone, it's because we've had a conversation and have connected on our similarities (we're in the same class, we have similar interests. Outside of school, this can be as simple as "we're both waiting for this bus") , and then explored our differences. People come from all walks of life and have had all kinds of different experiences, leading to different opinions. Explore those!

Help me be the guy people want to be around.

“You can make more friends in two months by becoming more interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get people interested in you”

Read this book. http://www.amazon.com/Models-Attract-Women-Through-Honesty-ebook/dp/B005EOTH24

gadelat · 2014-06-16T17:20:04+00:00

/r/socialskills

HappyBull · 2014-06-16T19:42:14+00:00

[permanently deleted]

HappyBull · 2014-06-17T08:53:52+00:00

You don't need to read anything on this. Just join sports or clubs that interest you and whatever personality you strike well with. For example I was an art/math type student so I made an effort to join swim and soccer team and art club and even did some of the school dances. I didn't however join baseball, football, or basketball because I never clicked with those personalities.

In terms of clothing, dress nice everyday. Basketball shorts and a shitty tshirt will get you nowhere.

Another thing is have fun in class. Use class time to be involved with the subject but also dick around with whoever you sit with.

I have no idea what type of classes you're taking or on what level but I've learned that the higher level classes you take, the more involved and passionate your classmates will be. If you're not already in high level classes, go for it. Public school is free, so you should make the most out of it.

(Side note: This sums up how to be involved in the band geek/student council/sports/clubs type of student. But I assure you it's worth it. The smarter and more sociable you are, the better.)

impenx4 · 2014-06-17T09:21:11+00:00

Coming from someone who's highschool experience was the worst part of my life so far (nothing extremely terrible, jut not many friends and wasn't fun), the fact that you are interested in social interactions and pick up now will help you a lot. Freshmen year is usually shitty, if you're sociable sophomore-senior year should be fun. Personally, i got into pick up halfway through my senior year and my first year of college has been the best of my life by miles. Just be sociable, don't worry. Freshmen year sucks for most people, even the ones who enjoy high school.

mobsta · 2014-06-20T00:34:51+00:00

There are some really good responses in this thread, good luck man! I'm actually only here to compliment you on your awareness of the situation. That's pretty important haha. But also pretty unique for someone of your age; being honest to yourself (but also accepting and willing to change the consequences) will definitely help you improve to become a better person!

Title	I'm fed up of being the guy people only go to for help/if they need something. Help me be the guy people want to be around.
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	64
Comments	24
Date	June 16, 2014 4:20 AM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/2896vx/im_fed_up_of_being_the_guy_people_only_go_to_for/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/im-fed-up-of-being-the-guy-people-only-go-to-for.1372186 https://theredarchive.com/post/1372186

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