27 M AFC about to give up on dating

Spaceman7Spiff · 2015-10-21T02:48:50+00:00

I'm going to go against the grain here and say stop chasing women. You have obviously studied and practiced and trained and tried as much and as hard as you can and its still not working... so I'd say just stop trying so hard. Find everything else in life you love and focus on that stuff.

I'm less than a year younger than you, also ride motorcycles, love music, my friends and family, good beer and I'm also into geeky shit like Batman and Star Wars. I ran the gauntlet of seduction, pickup, and self improvement and found myself on the other side, a better and stronger person but still frustrated by a lack of any real success.

So I stopped. I still go out to the bars on the weekends, but I sing karaoke instead. I still take care of myself, but I do it so I can be a better rider, have more energy, and be more productive at work. I still pay attention to body language and social tendencies but I don't hate myself for not approaching.

I got tired of trying to appease and impress little girls that haven't seen or experienced half the things I have. I still talk to women, still flirt and joke around and even mess around on tinder a bit. But my results just don't matter anymore. It's not worth the heartache. I have learned the skills, I know the techniques, and I understand social cues. These things are already ingrained in my subconscious, practice isn't as critical as it was when I was a newbie. I have made peace with the fact that when I meet someone worth pursuing, I will know what to do.

My approach isn't for everyone. It may not even be for you, but this is where I am in my life and since we seem to have had similar experiences, I thought it might help. My advice is to give it a try. You sound like a guy with some serious weight on his shoulders... maybe just set that weight down for a bit and see how you feel.

TeddyBongwater · 2015-10-21T04:47:52+00:00

Yeah u have spent way too much time focusing on the lack of what u want in terms of women. Ur desire is sky high, but your mindset ad vibration wont allow it to come to you. You have to decide to take some time off and just trust it will come to you when u least suspect it. Or a diff approach u could take is dive into "knowledge" and then implement it by tons and tons of practice. Have faith u will learn and get better and better. First master the open, then getting phone numbers, then first dates, first kiss, 2nd date, identifying indicators of interest, building a connection, demonstrating value. Cold approach a lot, use sutuational openers. But your self limiting beliefs are so strong u may be better off just focusing on other shit for a while and trust opportunities will come to you.

LOGG1982 · 2015-10-21T19:51:35+00:00

Re-read your post and tell me, would you want to hang out with someone who has your attitude? Would you want to date a girl with your attitude?

Fuck cold approaching. That's the worst advice you could get. Work on making yourself the best person you can be and the rest will fall into place. Find ways to develop a truly positive mindset, do things you enjoy and excel at to help with your confidence, work on your health, fitness and style so you feel good about yourself, travel if you can, take up a new hobby where you'll meet people with similar interests, do some goddam good in your community, etc. Those are the sort of things that will help to shape you and give you value as a person. Make yourself into an awesome person and the rest will fall into place. Right now it sounds like you're just doing everything in order to make yourself more attractive to women, like banging some chick every once in a while will fill the obvious void you have. Attractiveness is a by-product of your attitude and confidence level more than anything else, so work on those instead of working to "become attractive".

Mike_pig88 · 2015-10-21T01:41:32+00:00

I'm in the same train. All good man, hang in there. Good things happen to hose who wait and seek. I get kinda sad that I'm almost 30 and single and everybody around me have kids and all that bs, but then I remember how awesome I am. I suggest you work on yourself, just do you for a bit and see what happens. I'm not the best at this but ,like I said, having almost the same situation, I say you chin up and keep on trucking brother.

27 year old, single for 2 years and counting lol..... :( . Jk lol. Good promising job, good looking, nice person (don't give a fudge if ppl say not to be nice and shit) and, most importantly, happy and alive.

Anubis816 · 2015-10-21T00:24:21+00:00

Hey dude, im the earlier version of you. And you know what? Less than 48 hours ago i had some girl asking my phone number and basically throwing herself to me. And i ruined it by having those kind of attitudes. PASSIVE. IF YOU WANT SOMETHING, WORK FOR IT. IF YOU WANT SOMETHING, DONT CRY FOR IT, WORK FOR IT. NOTHING IN LIFE IS FREE. Well except that tap water in coffee shops. Anyway im gonna start working improving my life. Are you gonna let some 21 yo dude surpass you? ;)

slapchop_wookie · 2015-10-21T00:23:40+00:00

Never give up my friend, I think you need to start cold-approaching

jellybello · 2015-10-21T03:07:55+00:00

you need positive reference experiences with women to break out of this negativity.

it's catch-22. you need to get the girl to get positive reference experiences but you positive reference experiences to be confident enough to get the girl.

you need to start going out with your friends. hopefully they already have a girl around that can just be around the group. not someone you can try to hook up with but just a girl that's part of the group. you need to get used to being around girls.

WayOfTheGentleman · 2015-10-21T07:36:54+00:00

I can remember have a similar conversation when I was 25 with myself to the one you're having now.

'I'm in decent shape, not bad looking, have a good job, can make girls laugh, I've been travelling, I play guitar, I'm caring, I'm loyal..

...so why the fuck don't these chicks like me!??!?'

The one thing in common with all of the above is that they are logical things. Attraction as you know is not logical, it's emotional.

On a deep level, whether a woman realises it or not, when she meets you she is thinking 'can this man make me feel safe and protected?'

She wants to feel safe physically, but also emotionally (free to express herself fully without judgement).

What 'safe and protected' means is different for each woman. For some it's the massive bodybuilder - physical protection. For some, it's a guy with money - she always has a roof over her head. But for many, it's a guy with amazing social skills - he can always get access to people with resources.

The last one is something we can cultivate ourselves.

Basically, for whatever reason, when women meet you at the moment, they are subconsciously assessing you and not thinking 'here's a guy I can feel safe with. Here's a guy I will always feel protected by'.

One thing I don't like about pickup is it always focuses on details (what to say) rather than big picture (what kind of man are you, in her eyes).

You're welcome to PM me if you want to chat in more detail on this.

xD322x · 2015-10-22T05:05:15+00:00

Damn; another AFC from KCMO, shit, maybe it's something bad in the air here (kidding)... 24 years old, been single since I was 15, and I'm having the very same problems as you, listened to about 300+ hours of self-help/seduction podcasts and audio books, watched YouTube vids about this a while, daydream certain lines to use if a certain situation would ever come up, lurked on /r/seduction and even /r/theredpill for about a year or so now, but all of my hours of research go right out the fucking window when I'm face to face with any female at all in real life. Quit tinder, about to quit OKC again. I might go to P&L district or Westport to bars/clubs on weekends when my two best friends go but I usually just stand on the wall and drink to feel comfortable until we leave. I can try to fake confidence all I want, trying to look cool, but I feel like a tryhard and realize I never was the shit, I'm ain't shit, and I most likely never will be the shit, because that was just how I was raised to feel, and I can't not ever feel that way.

Anubis816 · 2015-10-21T03:22:43+00:00

cold approach at least 5 girls a day.

bigsbeclayton · 2015-10-21T02:45:37+00:00

Do it! It's probably the best thing you can do in my opinion. You're so focused on the fact that you haven't found anyone that it's blinding you to the fact that it sounds like you have a pretty sweet life outside of this area. So put dating to the side for a while! Women and dating are a supplement to your life like any other thing. They are one of the finer supplements, don't get me wrong, but you shouldn't define yourself or your success by having or not having one.

You're working out, that's great! You have hobbies, even better! The more you let yourself let go of this idea that these things exist for you to get a woman the better off you'll be in the long run. You should do them because you love them, or they are important to you. Invest your time in yourself and what you love and can control, and everything you can't control can and will sort itself out in its own way and time.

olly6559 · 2015-10-21T06:10:42+00:00

I see a lot of similarities between you and me reading through this. Our hobbies are mostly the same, I also work in tech support and the same age as you.

As others have mentioned, focus on yourself and don't make attracting women your main goal. You don't seem that confident in yourself though it may just be frustration.

I spent the last few years improving myself and only started dating this year and even found a girlfriend though that ended only a few weeks ago.

theobro · 2015-10-21T06:45:29+00:00

This is the way I see it. You may adopt this mentality if you think it will work for you so here goes.

I don't try to set expectations with talking to women. Like I do not try to say to myself "Okay, today is the day I approach 5 women and start a conversation" Rather, I know myself, I know what I'm worth, and I know that one day, I'll be a happy man with a happy family.

To be honest, all it takes is one day, and one person, and that will change your life. It won't happen as soon as you want it to if you are upset with yourself like this all the time. Take it day by day. Focus on yourself, and be a better man NOT for other people, but for yourself.

Your future SO is somewhere here on Earth. Your stars will align someday. Just don't force anything.

Ninja edit: I personally believe you should take a break from approaching women for about a month. Again, I'm no therapist, but if I found myself in your position, this is what I would do. As for your room mates, let them be who they are. You be you. Don't try to imitate them.

Anubis816 · 2015-10-21T10:20:44+00:00

If youve done anything less than 1000 approaches, youre not trying hard enough. All youre doing is online game which any other guy can do because its not hard to message girls online as opposed to approaching them in person.

If you have been consistently approaching women and thats not working, then you need to take a step back and really analyze the situation. If youre getting numbers and dates, then youre good. You can continue getting better and better. It seems like from what youve written, girls dont even give you time to talk. That means that somethings fundamentally wrong and you need to have the awareness to fix it.

If you really are that ugly, you should honestly invest in plastic surgery as it would help you 10x more than other non-superficial self improvement. You should also invest in a therapist to work out your inner issues. The initial approach with women is literally all looks and vibe. What you say has very little impact on the first impression. So if you keep getting rejected right off the bat, you need to fix those two things as soon as possible.

Title	27 M AFC about to give up on dating
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	21
Comments	38
Date	October 20, 2015 11:57 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/3pkcef/27_m_afc_about_to_give_up_on_dating/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/27-m-afc-about-to-give-up-on-dating.1396282 https://theredarchive.com/post/1396282

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