Stumped on how to deal with a girl when she complains.

SkorchZang · 2014-09-08T02:46:38+00:00

You imagine she's a crying little girl, and by God, she has every reason to - this boy Johnny put a spider down her shirt. Who does she run to, to cry and complain? That's right, her Daddy.

Not that her Daddy is going to fume about the spider and go out to white knight, catch little Johnny and give him lectures about the very serious emotional issue of Arachnophobia. No. Daddy's reading an important newspaper. But when crying little princess climbs into his lap, what does he do? He puts the paper aside, and smiles at her teary face.

"What's wrong, sweetie? Oh really, Johnny did that? I bet you felt terrible. Tell me more, don't leave anything out. Do you want me to hold you? Awwwwww. Come on, give Daddy a big kiss now and off you go."

What just happened? Happy as a clam, little princess who was just crying a river about her oppression, now only a few mins later runs off outside again to play with insolent Johnny like nothing happened. She poured out her heart to Daddy, and feels SO much better. Daddy is the only one who REALLY understands her. She loves her Daddy.

Bullet points to keep in mind:

You don't need to be Mr. Funny Man every time, but you do need to make sure you take nothing she puts "in your lap" as a serious issue. Even if it is indeed very serious, she will get very anxious and upset if you take it as such, if you give any sign that it got to you too, to the point you start seeing things through her frames of reference. On the other hand, a man who's stoic and immovable will calm the woman, reassure and heal her by just being there, while actually being kind of a condescending tease on the surface instead of being willing to help (like every useless Beta always is).
She is not looking for you to solve her problems. The problems are not important, she is! She wants you to be there and hear them pouring out of her, and to see you arch your brow, going "And that's it? That's why you're crying, sourpuss?". Yes, she needs you, to tease her about just how ridiculous she is, tickle her and in the end make her laugh at it all, because she can't help but adapt to the dominant frame of any issue: yours.
Like a rock, dude. She storms and rains down a mudslide, and shoots lightning. Nothing gets to you. Still cheery, affectionate, Fatherly. Her man, immovable.
Do not look at her as an equal or as an adult, but as a little girl throwing another little girl tantrum. She's allowed to, because you're the designated adult she runs to for validation and support.
Even though you give her all this, you never presume to run to her for validation and support if you're going through shit yourself. Tough shit, talk to some male buddies if you have to. Never burden your woman with Daddy's problems, she literally cannot understand them anyways, does not have the circuitry to do it.

[deleted] · 2014-09-08T11:23:33+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Poznanbrownboy · 2014-09-08T04:19:31+00:00

Oh boy, read the way of the superior man! he explains the perfectly. Asshole: Ignore her Jerk: tell her to stfu and stop complaining Man: Look her in the eyes, smile, listen to her, remain stoic and bring her into your frame. You're frame is full of love and happiness.

Josh_The_Boss · 2014-09-08T02:35:25+00:00

Hear out her problem, then when she starts exaggerating on it, subtly change the subject into something happier. It's a delicate art.

HardPillToSwallow · 2014-09-08T02:35:54+00:00

Think of it like a mini shit test,

"Im fat"

"I dont fuck fat chicks"(alway wanted to try this one, never had the balls or since ive gained them - the opportunity)

"I am fat"

"I want chinese food too, let order, do you want anything?"

Alright maybe im bad at examples. But maintain frame. Hopefully someone else can give a better example to illustrate what im getting at.

Shes basically signalling shes unhappy for some reason, you dont problem solve by responding to the words shes saying but the behaviour itself. Shes basically asking for you to impose your frame on her so she doesnt feel so shitty.

PlayFair · 2014-09-08T02:45:04+00:00

I would love to hear some advice, since I'm dealing with this full-throttle lately.

[deleted] · 2014-09-08T12:39:55+00:00

Deleted

Stayinghereforreal · 2014-09-08T03:06:30+00:00

Change the topic to something you feel like talking about.

[deleted] · 2014-09-08T08:10:57+00:00

I agree 100% with /u/SkorchZang

but when she is actually grasping at inane(objectively pointless lines of thinking) conversational topics she may just be bored or trying to relate.(women need constant conecting) I just make fun of her first world problems. She gets the emotional connection and agnoledgement but doesn't get the pandering. I get to make fun of her and sharpen my wit.

Casanova-Quinn · 2014-09-08T03:14:27+00:00

Here's how you handle a girl that is excessively complaining.

1) Ignore it

If she's persistent...

2) Tell her "I'm not your personal therapist. Stop complaining."

You may have to say something like this a few times before she takes the hint, but if she continues...

3) Get away from her and tell her you'll see her again when she's in a better mood.

The bottom line is don't put up with bad behavior.

drqxx · 2014-09-08T03:22:08+00:00

Ignore her. If it worsens create distance from her. Let her know her action are unwarranted.

above all else remember.

Stumped on how to deal with a girl when she complains.

Comments

Ignore her. If it worsens create distance from her. Let her know her action are unwarranted.

You can find another.

Title	Stumped on how to deal with a girl when she complains.
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	20
Comments	26
Date	September 8, 2014 2:02 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/2frrh2/stumped_on_how_to_deal_with_a_girl_when_she/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/stumped-on-how-to-deal-with-a-girl-when-she.141957 https://theredarchive.com/post/141957