I'm a 20M virgin and am depressed, what can I do?

Ledpoizn445 · 2017-07-20T07:19:40+00:00

24 year old virgin here. Don't worry about it dude. It sucks, I know, but if it's constantly on your mind, it's hindering your game. Put sex out of your mind and focus on having a good time. Sex isn't the only thing about your twenties. Go to shows. Go to festivals. Go out Friday night. Get drunk, do drugs (in moderation), make some mischief, and make new friends. There's a lot more fun to be had than just p in the v.

Morokweng · 2017-07-20T09:14:28+00:00

I feel hopeless and I will never let myself live it down knowing it has taken this long for me to lose my virginity.

There's a thread on this board right now by a guy who's a 30 year old virgin. So the question is not how much time you've taken to get here, the question is how much more time are you willing to waste by beating yourself up and making yourself feel like shit?

You have found game, you found the solution to your problem. You already took the huge step of breaking social conditioning enough to realise that this is a problem that you can solve with effort and knowledge, instead of buying into the Disney bullshit of "oh there's someone for everyone, you're a nice guy so someone will come along if you're patient". So pat yourself on the back for that.

Many people are enjoying singledom because they are getting laid or are travelling

This is a false perception created by social media. People only publicise their wins and successes, they don't post about their shitty boring life, as a result you only get to see the highlight reels of people who are crushing life, and this creates a false perception that everyone else is doing vastly better than you. The truth is that there are millions of people just like you, in the exact same situation as you, the overwhealming majority of people trudge through their mediocre life in a haze of apathey. But you've decided to do something about it, so props for that.

But really you need to stop fucking whining, stop beating yourself up, stop asking "why me?", acceptance and forgiving yourself is the only way forward, because you can and will stay like this if you keep putting yourself down. And you'll be amazed at how fast you can turn things around if you take action and don't let fear control you.

This time next year where will you be? The time is going to pass whether you do anything with it or not.

2017-07-20T06:38:01+00:00

You're only 20 dude. You might start to worry if you're 30 and it hasn't happened yet. Girls from 18-24 are horny as hell and want to hook up/relations/hitched. Keep an eye out, quit worrying about you so much, if you are too inward you will miss opportunities. Went out friday? Cool...do it every friday.

oorakhhye · 2017-07-20T09:07:19+00:00

I picked up playing the guitar at 27. I'm 36, single (by choice) now and can say I'm decent at playing. I actually ended up scoring a date recently cause some girl saw a video of my playing on my friend's fb and messaged me.

My point is this. You're 20 and you think post-college life is game over when in actuality right now you're still playing through the game's tutorial...you have a butt load of time to make something out of yourself.

Do you lift weights? You should Do you play any instruments? Wouldn't hurt Sports? Something fun? Hobbies? How do you dress? How's the haircut?

Forget the chicks for now....make yourself fun man. Play an instrument, take a painting class, shoot pool, do some push-ups, squat, read, bake a cake (post it), go to a comedy show, build something.

Once you graduate, get a job then think about marketing yourself. Hell, I can guarantee that you'd attract someone while you're doing something like what I listed above.

Women love a man who's engaged in his own life. When you're busy doing shit instead of worrying about them, you'll see a difference.

If socializing is an issue. Start small. Whenever you interact with any human, bring up small talk. Start simple, weather or something interesting in the immediate environment around you/them (let's say with the cashier). Don't drag it out too long, just a quick exchange. The thing is, you'll never see these people again...so if you bomb...who cares, and if you don't....that's you leveling up.

Try it with at least 2-3 people a day (guys and girls)...then build a repertoire with your exchanges during other social interactions...just like learning how to play an instrument or shoot pool, socializing (without making it seem forced or awkward) takes practice.

I was there too in college: depressed, introverted, angry, alone and hating on myself. Feeling worthless and powerless. I valued myself only if I could get a girl. If I could go back and change my mindset, I would have. I thought I had ran out of time then too....boy was I wrong.

Also, I feel that this dude may be able to help you out.

cockycomedy · 2017-07-20T07:42:57+00:00

I tried going out last Friday, but a good majority of people were with friends and were hostile to any stranger.

No they weren't. :) In your mind you imagined them to be, echoed the thought until it became reality. Your aura stems from your beliefs and thoughts. You made yourself look hostile.

Are you ready to forget about everything you know about men, women, and relationships and learn the truth? Are you that desperate that you will swallow up any new information and work hard, and get out of your comfort zone to become a man?

Read in one sitting. Come back then.

Phixer7 · 2017-07-20T09:23:01+00:00

Run and lift weights women want someone sexy . smell good and dress nice don't talk too much and definitely do not talk about depression .

Don't listen to Ledpoizn he's stills virgin . do not do drugs!!! maybe have one drink stay level headed no one likes a drunk guy around . if the focus is getting laid that is not hard. getting a girlfriend might take a little more social skills building.

You say that you are not bad looking , but are you awkward ? Can you talk to women without coming off as needy or desperate ?

Joppiee · 2017-07-20T07:17:52+00:00

If you're truly depressed you should start going to therapy. If you become comfortable with yourself, others will too and the rest will come eventually.

zacbaby · 2017-07-20T07:46:54+00:00

Tell every girl you see next time you go out. One of them wants that V Card. In the meantime, Go workout, chase goals, try hard, get better. The girl stuff will take care of itself.

2017-07-20T13:30:48+00:00

Hey man, I'm 21 and I was where you were about a year ago. I did some things that, in hindsight, were bad for me in some ways and good for me in other ways. I tried to lose my virginity to a prostitute just to get it over with, but I lost the nerve. I ended up losing my kissing virginity and my actual virginity to a girl I wasn't attracted to, but I was so desperate to get rid of my V-Card because I felt the same way you do now. I'm sure other people are giving you advice along the lines of "Don't worry about it" or "It's no big deal", but saying that doesn't just magically cure you of your depression and take away the feeling of "Why the fuck can't I have sex?".

Knowing how big of a deal it is for you, I feel better off now that I lost my virginity and I don't have it bearing down on my mind daily. I made an active effort to lose it, and one of my biggest regrets is that I didn't feel attracted towards the person I lost it to. The only way for you to see how big of a deal it is/isn't is for you to go through it yourself. I will say that once I lost it, a weight was lifted from me and I had more self-confidence because I wasn't mentally berating myself on a daily basis with thoughts like "I can't have sex. Everyone else is having sex. What's wrong with me?"

I have a lot more to say about this, so if you wanna hear more, just PM me.

2017-07-20T09:10:39+00:00

well you dont have to duck your head between your legs and kiss your ass goodbye, all you have to do is move forward. whats next?

doubleshotonice1 · 2017-07-20T14:49:23+00:00

I was 20 when I lost my virginity. Was gonna save it for marriage because I was big into church and all, but I guess things change.

Ended up losing it to a co-worker.... It didn't change me. Didn't give me any confidence. Etc.

What did change me was getting in a serious relationship at 24. I had to wait 4 years for that. So from 20-24 I was really confused on how to deal with girls...

Ended up dating her for 2.5 years. Broke up. Blah blah blah. But while in the relationship I learned how to hold a woman, make love to her, kiss her right, fuck her hard in bed... Know when to be dominate and when not to. Etc.

It changed me for the better

Now any girl that I kiss that is mesmerized (or so they say, seriously), and likes the way that I hold them and talk to them... But all of that too time.

And with that being said your time will come bro.

Just keep working on you...

pyr0phelia · 2017-07-20T15:35:03+00:00

Workout. You are concerned so much with what others are doing you are not paying attention to yourself.

fausto2405 · 2017-07-20T15:56:26+00:00

Don't care about other people and what they do its about YOU!

There is no pressure to penetrate a vagina. :)

ofapthirty · 2017-07-20T15:58:14+00:00

Dude this isn't hopeless. It's easier than you think, actually. But like a muscle you've never worked out, there's going to be a learning curve, and it isn't going to be easy, but if you stay determined and keep at it consistently, you are guaranteed success.

My advice as a beginner currently working through it myself, is stop focusing on girls, or pickup, or any of that, and first just focus on developing the self. Because you can either go about this by getting good at acting the right way, which is hard and stressful, or you can develop yourself to naturally behave the right way, which is much lower effort and longer lasting, just takes determination.

I'd suggest starting by establishing a strict routine that allows you to get at least 7hrs sleep each night, work out at least a few times a week, and meditate at least once daily. In this way, gradually start attacking your insecurities, and use meditation to analyze the sources of your anxieties and work through them. The more you develop the self, the easier time you're gonna have testing, applying, and fine tuning the techniques you'll read about here.

souljabri557 · 2017-07-20T16:11:28+00:00

I tried going out last Friday, but a good majority of people were with friends and were hostile to any stranger.

This is very likely untrue. You need to offer value - be positive, funny, outgoing, self-amused. People will crave your presence. Everyone is looking for fun and friends.

2017-07-20T16:41:59+00:00

[permanently deleted]

DominicanFury · 2017-07-20T17:02:46+00:00

Don't watch porn and stop fapping your depression goes away

Herethereallover · 2017-07-20T18:39:43+00:00

26 virgin here. Still learning about how to get laid. However, I more into developing myself first. Thar's how it starts. Hope we have some good result bro !

The_2nd_Coming · 2017-07-20T21:50:37+00:00

OK it sucks being in your position, but it gets better if you work at it.

Get money. You want to be able to travel. Travelling is one of the easiest ways to 'grow', by being in an environment where you can be a new person, try different things, and where everyone is generally in a good vibe and looking to meet new people, is a great way to get out of your shell.

In the right places getting laid whilst travelling is like taking candy from a child, as long as you can make a move at the right time.

I don't know what exactly you can do to help you, but 20 sure as hell isn't too late. Go out, socialise, try making moves on girls (even if you are embarrassed and it sucks). Rinse wash repeat.

Tokemoke · 2017-07-21T16:35:42+00:00

Stop being a pussy. Start lifting. Approach every girl you find attractive. Anywhere. Anytime. The solution is easy but I doubt you will follow through

danielinthebox · 2017-07-21T21:44:40+00:00

Actually try, put yourself out there, make a move. Just do it no matter how scared or nervous you are . Take action !!!!

Earthquake14 · 2017-07-20T10:32:07+00:00

Step one: Tinder Step two: Alcohol (not too much) Step three: Go with the flow

Title	I'm a 20M virgin and am depressed, what can I do?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	13
Comments	41
Date	July 20, 2017 6:02 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/6oee3z/im_a_20m_virgin_and_am_depressed_what_can_i_do/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/im-a-20m-virgin-and-am-depressed-what-can-i-do.1430656 https://theredarchive.com/post/1430656

Comments