How do I stop shutting down when an attractive girl shows interest?

fnordsnord · 2014-12-12T19:39:10+00:00

Okay - here's The Truth: Rejection is part of being a sexually active male. (Or professional artist of either gender.)

WE take the risk of rejection. They don't have to. That's their privilege. Failure to accept that is like failure to accept gravity.

Here's another Truth: the very best Pick Up Artist only manages a f-close on maybe 10% of his approaches. That's right: the BEST of us strikes out nine out of ten times. (The absolute top of the pile: Michael Jordon, Prince William of England, and George Cluney, for example, are not relevant. Yeah - they can pull 90% of the women they want. Most of us, by a large margin, are not them and are not ever going to be them.) So if you want to get laid or have a relationship, you're going to get reject a LOT. If you cannot accept this, your love life is going to be long streaks of agony punctuated with very brief moments of pleasure.

Drink these facts in. Make them a part of you. Understand and BELIEVE that being hurt or upset by these facts is like being upset or hurt by gravity. It just is, and we have to work with it.

Now for another Truth, this one not so painful: A woman's rejection does not mean that you are unattractive. It does not mean that you are a poor mating prospect, life partner, or one night stand. It certainly does not mean that you are not a worthwhile human being. A woman's reject means that you do not have what this ONE woman needs, and THIS specific time in her life. That's ALL it means and nothing more.

Opening women when you are inexperienced and smarting from a painful LTR is like stepping out into a boxing ring with few lessons and a shiner from yesterday's sparring match. You're going to have your hands in the wrong position, be too slow, and get popped in the face. And it's going to hurt. Only with practice will you speed up and understand how to keep from getting hurt.

The__Dude__Abides · 2014-12-12T19:21:51+00:00

Just got done reading "Models" but here's what I took from it.

The whole reason you approach and talk to a woman you want to get with, is to see if she's interested. If she likes you, then great! If she's giving you a vibe that she's not interested, then don't worry about it, because your sole purpose was to determine her interest in you. Your job was done either way.

Just don't shut down if she is giving indications of liking you.

It's like saying "Man, I really want some cake". And then you get all the way to the bakery and the counter where they serve it to you, and decide you don't want it anymore. C'mon man.

bmkaggie · 2014-12-12T18:54:31+00:00

Don't be afraid. Just act. Literally, stop giving a shit about if you get rejected and put yourself out there. If you get rejected it's probably because your smv is not as high as you believe or you probably failed a shit test along the way. Just act

tombreck2 · 2014-12-12T18:48:54+00:00

Why do you ignore them if you're attracted to them

sunwukong15 · 2014-12-12T19:25:25+00:00

Hit on some fat chick. Next time it happens, pretend she is one of those fat chicks.

ThePretendDoctor · 2014-12-12T19:23:28+00:00

Practice. The more you associate yourself with them the more you realize how normal they are

iwantarangelife · 2014-12-12T19:28:42+00:00

You've got stuff going on inside you that's trying to keep you safe from whatever it is that you've imagined to be afraid of. Your last relationship might have contributed to this fear, but more than likely you have some sort of childhood trauma or unmet need you haven't dealt with, and you're avoiding relationships in order to protect your true self from some sort of hurt. One thing that helps is to journal this all out to yourself and figure out what you're really afraid of.

I was in a shitty marriage for over a decade, and through the process of breaking it up, I've kept a document in which I've journaled my progress almost daily for a long time. It allows me to keep track of what's going on inside and out, and deal with the stuff that's under the surface so I don't accidentally off load this on someone else.

I finally hit a therapy-style breakthrough through this method earlier this year, and I all of the sudden stopped feeling the anxiety I'd felt before about women, rejection, social isolation, the needy feeling, etc. Pretty ladies are nice to have around, but I don't feel like I need to be loved anymore. I've always been a handsome guy, but after this breakthrough my success with women suddenly went through the roof. Rather than feeling like I was playing a role of being strong, independent, and confident, I actually became it deep down and girls pick that up. It's like fish jumping in the boat to be caught. It still feels like Bizarro World.

LeGrandDiableBlanc · 2014-12-12T22:04:23+00:00

It's called being mindful. Pay attention to what you're doing while you're doing it and manually override this avoidance nonsense.

Anything that will improve overall confidence will also help: working out (strength training!), martial arts, etc.

94redstealth · 2014-12-13T00:44:55+00:00

a leap of faith. I'm in the same boat kinda. I miss ques and fail to escalate from fear. keep pushing. I can feel myself getting bolder every time.

favours_of_the_moon · 2014-12-13T02:59:34+00:00

Drink a beer.

Johnny10toes · 2014-12-13T14:43:49+00:00

Rejection is better than regret. And while this is true there is a lot more going on. The chemical shit in your head is firing off making your ability to think clearly difficult. Your pupils are dilated making your vision blurry. This is the bedroom eyes and it's beneficial to you and her. First understand that this is going on and it will help.

Read this article: http://therationalmale.com/2011/08/26/buffers/

Title	How do I stop shutting down when an attractive girl shows interest?
Author	hotbitchbegone
Upvotes	9
Comments	16
Date	December 12, 2014 6:43 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/2p3ngz/how_do_i_stop_shutting_down_when_an_attractive/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/how-do-i-stop-shutting-down-when-an-attractive.144404 https://theredarchive.com/post/144404

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