How to avoid gettin married?

fnordsnord · 2014-12-16T19:07:48+00:00

First - step back.

There ARE RedPill marriages. Think carefully. If you were willing to LTR up before, what's changed? Is this a good one? Why did you want to be married?

If you do NOT want to get married, and I don't recommend it, don't give her the ring. If you've paid off the diamond, lock it in a safe deposit box and don't bring it up. Quit talking about marriage and see less of her.

Be aware that if you don't marry up, you are almost certainly going to lose this one. Make sure this is what you want. Relationships have a rhythm and timing, and she knows it. It's hard to demote a GF to a plate, and almost impossible to demote a fiance back down to GF. If she wants to get married and you don't, she's going to either bolt or fade.

Expect the "where is this relationship going" conversation AND for her to not be happy with "what's wrong with the way things are?"

bicepsblastingstud · 2014-12-16T19:19:49+00:00

I would argue that if you've gone from

talk[ing] a lot about getting married, how much fun it will be

to

we're likely never going to marry

Then you need to wait for a bit and get your head straight. Nothing you read on the internet should cause you to do such a complete 180. Slow down, figure out what you believe (not what some website tells you to believe) and make your decisions accordingly.

kingofpoplives · 2014-12-16T18:32:50+00:00

My question is, how do I give her the ring (it's almost paid off) but still explain to her that we're likely never going to marry?

Not getting married, that part is easy.

Keeping this relationship together and healthy, that is going to be extremely difficult after you break this news to her.

If I was you, I would make a point of talking shit about marriage. Saying how bad an idea you think it is in a general sense to try to get a read on exactly how attached she is to getting married. This will give you an idea of how bad she's likely to take it, and also prepare her for your decision, so it isn't completely out of the blue.

tombreck2 · 2014-12-16T18:29:35+00:00

we're likely never going to marry?

Either you will not get married or she will pressure you until you cave in. You have to either be 100% for it or against it.

A lot of women fall in love with the idea of being married instead of the idea of being married to you.

Hopefully your case is the latter.

1independentmale · 2014-12-16T22:39:55+00:00

Look, you just need to have a conversation with the girl. It's not going to be fun or comfortable, but it is what it is. Just be up front: "Would you be interested in spending the rest of your life with me even if we never get married?" She's going to want to know where all of this is coming from, I'd tell her, "I've just been thinking about it lately and it looks like a whole lot of liability with very little benefit." Be prepared to reassure her of your love and commitment.

This might be a deal breaker for her. She might walk. That's OK. If she wants to be married and you don't, then you two aren't compatible. I assume you've given this enough thought and know you really don't want to get married. If you aren't sure, wait until you are, but figure it out soon... it's not fair to drag her along for several more years.

As for the ring, I don't recommend it, but I gave my LTR a promise ring. Explained that I loved her and wanted her to have it as a symbol of my commitment to her. Make sure you use the word "commitment", bitches will shame you ("afraid of commitment") for not wanting to marry, so I just derailed that nonsense. (Commitment and marriage are two very different things. I don't have to sign an unconscionable legal contract to be loyal and committed to my woman.)

I don't recommend the promise ring because it was incredibly anti-climactic. What she really wanted was an engagement ring despite the fact that I have been very up front about never getting married again since day one. She got second best and wasn't excited about it, even though I spent a bunch of money on a nice diamond. She also tricked me into buying it ("I wish I had a ring on my finger so other guys will know I'm taken"). Sounded legit to me, but wearing it on her left ring finger stopped the second her female coworkers went nuts ("OMG YOU'RE ENGAGED!!!") and she had to explain, no, not really. Now it's just an expensive symbol of another one of my beta moments. C'est la vie.

8675309c · 2014-12-16T19:15:40+00:00

play on her emotions

"LTRs are voluntary, marriages are obligatory"

Title	How to avoid gettin married?
Author	Lumberjack37
Upvotes	2
Comments	11
Date	December 16, 2014 6:12 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/2phnfm/how_to_avoid_gettin_married/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/how-to-avoid-gettin-married.144502 https://theredarchive.com/post/144502

Comments