I have to be a fucking phony just to get women?

2018-04-30T02:45:16+00:00

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Kenic_In_MD · 2018-04-30T04:09:06+00:00

It's all about balance, the good Doctor should be around, but so should Mr. Hyde. Drink half the potion now and save the other half for the next time you go out. Keep it about 50/50. This seduction game is about the right time to use Mr. Hyde and when.

bad boy act is not worthwhile nor sustainable.

I completely agree, it's one of the reasons why I refuse to lie to girls when seducing them. I can't do that shit that you see in infield videos. I hate lying about my profession or whatever just to get some booty.

Christian_Shepard · 2018-04-30T02:13:47+00:00

P.S. Just for background, I used to be a complete chump who was afraid of approaching at all, through a combination of reading this subreddit, working out, and going to lots of bars by myself in different cities while traveling, I was able to get better at getting dates and approaching women in daytime and nightime (this is also how this Mr. Hyde character was created, to help me navigate nightlife on my own). So this is a relatively new problem for me as I used to just have no contact with women at all in a romantic context.

2018-04-30T03:24:37+00:00

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Bodegaz · 2018-04-30T05:02:33+00:00

Hey man, this resonates with me.

I have to act/behave a certain way to increase my chance of getting laid. If I was to be my true self, the chance of getting laid significantly decreases. Obviously I am not a true natural, but through experience I have learned.

As a result, I don't even respect women anymore, because their behaviour is controlled/a result of what I am doing. I already know the outcome before I even cause it.

SilverMarinus · 2018-04-30T07:12:23+00:00

The kinds of girls you want to date are a little more rare my friend. But follow you passion, whatever it may be. And you'll meet the right person along the way who will treat you for you. One night stands with sluttier drunk girls feel very unfulfilling, at least mentally/emotionally.

As for you and your other half, I can relate. Have this shamelessly flirtatious side... he usually comes out if i smoke weed or drink... Funny enough, his name is Silver Marinus. I think your game is always at it's best when you find your equilibrium. The balance of the two sides. Be a tasteful gentleman, AND be fun. Channel a little bit of Mr.Hyde into your daylife. Start off small, like 10-20% Hyde. Remember, the "keepers" STILL like guys who are fun.

One last thing I would say, is dont forget about physical contact. Don't be afraid of hugs and playful touching during the day life. Though they are worthy of respect, good girls shouldn't be put on a pedestal in your mind. They all wanna be held. :p

Good luck sir!

recyclablebanthas · 2018-04-30T16:15:26+00:00

TL;DR: #3 & #6 get into solutions. Or read the whole breakdown.

____1: Old school game pitfalls____

but it is basically an act I put on, usually for nightlife. He dresses more flamboyantly, has a wild look in his eyes, and may even walk up to a girl and say "We should have sex" without barely even getting to know her (it worked!).

This is one of the short-comings that the philosophy behind old school game has pushed.

The problem here is that too much of your approach is more concerned with getting in there, with less concern about who you're getting with.

You've discovered that all of this isn't that difficult, really. Getting laid: not terribly hard, all said and done. If you're paying attention, you can see the moves that have to be made. You are apparently good enough at all this to see what moves need to be made in some situations, and you just make them to get to the sex part.

Especially if you tailor your approach for certain people (those looking for quick and fast physical escalation and a disposable good time) who congregate in certain places (clubs, party environments), then it really turns into Easy Mode.

The question becomes, how much of oneself is one willing to sell out for sex?

____2: The issue____

Here's the thing though, though you are tapping into parts of yourself to play a part to get with those girls, something isn't congruent. Something doesn't sit right with you. I'd suggest the problem is two-fold:

You might have been too nice before putting on this persona, but you've gone too far the other way if you find being that way distasteful.
And what you're finding is not some "universal" way to appeal to all women, but again, a specific subset of them. Ones you actually don't like. Not only because of who they are inside, but who you have to be, to get at them.

What you're searching for is balance. Within yourself. Not resigning yourself to the falsehood that all women are just looking for the so-called Mr. Hyde. Or the falsehood that you can only do this while you're Mr. Hyde, pushing for sex quickly.

Neither of these things are true. Not all women want "Mr. Hyde" pushing for sex so fast, and you can find a middle ground where you pull out Mr. Hyde in bits and pieces when he's needed. You don't need a wild look in your eyes, nor do you need to pull out the Apocalypse Opener to have the balls to pull the trigger.

____3: There's a middle ground____

Both of these extremes don't quite work and there's easily a middle ground.

the real me approaches women, goes on dates with women, has great conversations with them, and eventually ends up in the friend zone, even with similarly intelligent women.

He dresses more flamboyantly, has a wild look in his eyes, and may even walk up to a girl and say "We should have sex" without barely even getting to know her

So the "real you," isn't pulling the trigger. And when you're pulling the trigger as Mr. Hyde, you're apparently only ever pushing for sex fast and dropping the part where you dig deeper into who people are, as Real You.

All you really need to do is take your time and get to know people as Real You, while setting the stage for physical escalation to be happening. Which requires:

Paying attention, which you seem more than capable of doing.
Confidence to make moves to physically escalate.
A little planning for dates to have the option to end up in a place where escalation can take place.
Listening to your own needs here, instead of charging forward just because you know the way through to sex. Start paying attention to whether you even like the girl or not.

____4: Men and women both have their issues____

no wonder these girls always end up with shitty ass dudes who cheat on them and have sex with them and leave them in the trash....

Part of the issue here is that these girls are the ones you're surrounding yourself with, with the life you're living right now. And if we're honest about this, a lot of the issue is that men and women in their 20s are often a freaking mess.

Yeah, girls date cheaters and have sex with dudes who use them.

And guys often struggle to find the balance between being too nice/being used, and being assholes.

____5: Mr. Hyde makes things easier, but not necessarily better____

when the real me meets that kind of woman, he ends up getting told he is "super cool, fun to hang out with, love talking to you, we should be friends and hang out as friends."

The temptation here is that Mr. Hyde widens your appeal but is basically only good for disposable encounters with women that you'll probably hate yourself for sleeping with. At least after the novelty has worn off. For some, the novelty is enough to keep them going for a while.

But when you're not knee-deep in Mr. Hyde persona, you're going to be friend-zoned more often. But if you are simply Real You, with a little Mr. Hyde there to make moves at a slower pace if you're trying to build something serious, then that will fly.

And it's not "aggression, anger, or apathy" that are truly the turn ons for the women you want. (Though the women with serious baggage issues will really like those things; don't adapt your whole approach for them.) Really, the thing about Mr. Hyde that's attractive to women who are healthier emotionally, is that he has clear boundaries and isn't a welcome mat.

And overall, the balance is that you seek out what you want very confidently, but have the ability to perceive what others want and even to offer that for them, so long as it doesn't push you beyond your own personal boundaries.

____6: Find other circles to run with____

You're going to need other social outlets with different characters to them. Surrounding yourself with the people who are attracted to clubs, is only going to poison things for you. Some suggestions.

Hash runs. Trail running + beer + fit people = win
Couchsurfing meets. Hang with travelers and people who like to be around travelers.
Social partner dancing. Salsa, Lindy Hop, West Coast Swing, Argentine Tango, etc. Just respect it as an activity & means of self-improvement first, and place to meet women second.)

Especially with the partner dancing, you're dealing with communities that are broader. Younger people mix with older people. And it's not just about people doing the meat market thing. It feels more.... comprehensive.

2018-04-30T03:39:35+00:00

It feels hollow I understand. But the ego status based world that is pickup is hollow to begin with. The question might be “how do I not feel Intimidated by intelligence?”

BruceRoark · 2018-04-30T09:03:35+00:00

Maybe you’re taking this Mr Hyde personality shift too far. You can still have this side of you while remaining authentic and not feel like your acting. Why not view it like code switching? You surely adjust how you talk depending on the occasion and company, but you never feel like that’s acting right? Sometimes you need to go to the extremes to find out what point you should reel it into. Perhaps you should attempt finding the perfect nexus of your normal self and your fun party person.

JxRomeo1 · 2018-04-30T10:16:15+00:00

Its very common problem but i found easy way to solve.

You guys are making yourself very avaible.
You want more than her sex or relationships.
You must showing your value and not hit to her.

Its all about being valuable and selective

ImJustSo · 2018-04-30T13:17:19+00:00

Man, your view is all skewed on this. Both of those ways of acting are "you", you're just choosing to polarize those aspects, rather than realizing them and forming them into a cohesive set of skills.

Sure, you can look at the world and life as something that happens to you, or you can look at it as something you're apart of and find your place in it.

The intellectual you forgets that women still have to feel desire and feel desired. You can get all angsty that your intellectual conversation doesn't make a woman's pussy wet, or you can toss in some sexy things every now and then so she can have both. Honestly, this "intellectual" view you have sounds like the real asshole to me. You expect women to fall at your feet without doing the seductive things that they need you to do?

These women that toss you into the friend zone, do you flirt with them? Do you touch them? Do you try to kiss them before discussing a possible relationship? How exactly do these women even get into a discussion with you about being "just friends"?

A girlfriend comes after a kiss and after sex. You don't discuss the possibility of being in a relationship until after you're already in a relationship. Otherwise you're just speculating and forcing a woman to "sign a contract" for goods that she hasn't received yet, or may never receive. They all want a sexy dude who also happens to be intelligent, so if you can't be both at the same time, then that's on you. You can cry about it, or you can man up and be what women want.

It's your choice, and it sounds like you're just salty that your idea of what should be attractive isn't what women's idea of what attractive is actually.

newschoolyoungin · 2018-04-30T16:27:37+00:00

Yeah ..this is my life too, and why I only get one night stands and do not have a gf..its because society is screwed up.If you are intelligent and we'll rounded then you will be friendzoned..If you smoke weed and act like a fuckboi then you are daddy and cool

2018-04-30T06:05:12+00:00

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Christian_Shepard · 2018-04-30T03:04:30+00:00

The trick is pretty much not giving a fuck about them. The paradox is that this opens you up to take risks with them and lead them on adventures the men bound by a false sense of morality cannot. Edit: I hope this makes sense.

Mach2Machiavellian · 2018-04-30T03:42:36+00:00

Figure out what brings out Mr. Hyde and seek out more of those contexts. Not to get with more girls you’re not really interested in for a relationship, but just to get comfortable with activating that facet of your personality at will, which is of course as much a part of you as Nice Nerd.

Eventually you can reach a point where you hybridize the two and can reveal different aspects of yourself at different times. Because most women respond well to a somewhat edgy persona (as long as you’re not too crass about it), you should ultimately be able to use Mr. Hyde to pique the interest of a girl you actually like. Then you can gradually reveal your other aspects to her.

If played properly, this presents you as multi-layered and complex, which is highly seductive psychologically because it makes women feel like they’re “unlocking” these layers themselves. That’s a type of emotional reward for them, and encourages them to keep going deeper.

Fossana · 2018-04-30T07:54:37+00:00

Where/how are you meeting girls?

ConstantlyAltering · 2018-04-30T08:10:19+00:00

Fake it till you make it

Christian_Shepard · 2018-04-30T15:58:48+00:00

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Title	I have to be a fucking phony just to get women?
Author	Christian_Shepard
Upvotes	15
Comments	53
Date	April 30, 2018 2:00 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/8fw51o/i_have_to_be_a_fucking_phony_just_to_get_women/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/i-have-to-be-a-fucking-phony-just-to-get-women.1445744 https://theredarchive.com/post/1445744

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