Relationship Mindfuck - Insecure girlfriend

circlhat · 2018-05-04T12:58:54+00:00

> Goes in vacation with her family and I find out she didn't sleep half of the week, crying in bed thinking I could be cheating on her.

You see, If you did this and broke down and crying she would leave, as men we allow so much bullshit and try and fix things, and yet society calls seduction a haven of men who are incels, and presents us as a threat to women.

Look man you can't fix her, but you obviously care for her, you need to set boundaries and say things only one time, tell her , "I already said what I have to say" If she cries, walk away, and don't put up with her bullshit, it's up to her to stop her from crying

I mean god man, normal people don't have break downs , and don't try and save her, if you already stated you aren't cheating and she can't accept that, than just ignore her do not practice being her therapist , this will end badly. It may stroke your ego at first, but you will find yourself in a co-dependent relationship

NilacTheGrim · 2018-05-04T13:06:51+00:00

I'm 41 years old. Take this with a grain of salt but in my experience with the many girlfriends I've had over the years I have noticed a pattern between the ones that were cheaters and the ones that weren't: the cheaters are by far the more insecure ones -- they're the types that imagine you would be cheating all the time and they are the ones that are always suspicious of you (often irrationally). Why? It's because it's exactly what they would do -- so they figure you must be just like them. Cheaters have a different sense of what is normal in a relationship and what is to be expected. To them, cheating is part of the game or is in their toolkit. So they imagine you might do it too.

In contrast, a non-cheater doesn't have cheating in their "toolkit" -- they would be far more likely to trust you because they assume you're just like they are: trustworthy.

So.. where am I going with this? I think your fear that she might be a cheater might be well-founded.

I know it's painful to think about -- but it could be the truth.

You may want to reconsider being with her, all things being equal. You may end up getting burned.

My two cents. Good luck.

EDIT: On the other hand -- the last BF may have been the cheater and he may have burned her badly. She might just have PTSD from him. You can do a lot to reassure her by asking her to not think every guy is like him and just convince her to think optimistic thoughts. She is very inexperienced so it might be that. But my money's on something else being up -- like she might very well have dark thoughts of cheating herself.

Good luck!

t1mman · 2018-05-04T14:40:41+00:00

RUN!

Jokes asides, while part of the jealousy is, indeed, good for the self esteem (you're enough of a "prize" so that she knows you're one for others as well), it kind of put a "hit" to the mind (but I don't trust him enough to be able to say "NO" to a blowjob).

Most people go into a relationship expecting the other to make them happy, and put the pressure on them causing expectations, jealousy, causing them to be mad because their needs are not met but the source of the issue remain the same: Putting your happiness in the hand of another. Enslaving themselves by the same time. When you realize that you have the sole responsibility of your own happiness, you empower yourself, you take action, take control and do what you need to do to create your life.

Then, you don't look for someone to make you happy, you are already happy! Instead, you find someone to be happy with. It adds to the common happiness.

Lambdal7 · 2018-05-04T16:48:39+00:00

Well you have someone very immature here as your SO.

Now, you can try to "change" her and have an extremely exhausting life for years or find someone who already knows all that.

ThrowawayPUA · 2018-05-04T17:16:41+00:00

LOL for some reason this reminds me of one of Jeffy's stories of Chess Club. Chessie said she wanted sleep around so Jeffy says OK but women only. They argue more, she says what if she slept with other guys? Jeffy says, "OK then I'll sleep with other guys too." Finally he says, "you're right, we should break up, you wouldn't bring me the right kind of women." So they agreed to hunt for women together.

GuyFromDaStore · 2018-05-05T01:55:44+00:00

Chill, just be relaxed around her. It makes her feel confident in you too.

krypticNexus · 2018-05-04T15:14:40+00:00

Similar thing happened to me. The way I deal with it is just straight honesty. She asks me if I want to fuck other girls, I tell her yes, that's just how I'm biologically wired as a guy. Put a hot pussy in front of me and I'm gonna want to fuck it. She actually appreciates the honesty and that I don't go "nooo, you're the only one for me".

This doesn't get rid of her insecurity completely but it helps. I've told her that if I really wanted to cheat on her, I would have done it already. I've had multiple opportunities and she knows it.

Very recently having irrational thoughts knowing she attracts other guys too

Do not give A SHIT. If possible, stop trying to hold frame and just straight up not care. Pretending you don't care when you do just takes too much effort.

billiam632 · 2018-05-04T18:00:29+00:00

Just one question. Is she on birth control?

zfgee · 2018-05-05T03:43:42+00:00

I don't have time for insecure women, dating or longterm. NEXT.

WIA20XX · 2018-05-04T12:54:00+00:00

Overall, you should be giving any girlfriend things to do for you. Not because you need stuff done, but in a relationship, she likes to feel useful. (Also, if she never helps you, that's a sign that it will continue)

Insecurity?

If you try to micromanage her internal feelings, she'll drag you down with her drama and not get better.

The play here is to give her attention when she does something good, and withdraw when she doesn't.

But this is something she needs to work on by herself (or with a professional).

You can't "fix her".

If she's young, she may grow out of it, but she may not.

recyclablebanthas · 2018-05-05T07:05:52+00:00

1: First thought: Question Your Assumptions

Been in a great relationship for 4 months.

Girl quickly became emotional, romantic, addicted to me.....Stable healthy girl with a very idealistic vision of love & relationships. Only had one BF before.

I'd stop right here and ask you to question something you seem to be glossing over almost here.

You call her "stable." But someone with a very idealistic vision of love and relationships, is actually not stable. Or more specifically, the way the see relationships, leads to them becoming very unstable once they enter one.

This, plus the fact she only had one BF before? Already big red flags. Let's list those red flags. Some might not have seemed like red flags at first.

2: Red Flags

quickly became emotional
addicted to me
very idealistic vision of love & relationships
Only had one BF before
shows more and more fear losing me.... (After only 4 months; but let's be real. This fear was probably showing almost from the start.)
sneaky questions about girls I'm supposedly seeing
Acts needy
Gets worried when I'm out at night.
Goes in vacation with her family....didn't sleep half of the week, crying in bed thinking I could be cheating on her.
Very recently having irrational thoughts (Transmitting her insecurity to you.....)

This is a laundry list of red flags, man. And most of them you've been seeing since the beginning, if not before you started dating.

And the problem here is definitely shared. She has issues, no question. But you played your part. You found her attractive and you even liked aspects of her insecurity.

3: She doesn't love you; her mistrust prevents that

Girl loves me, and shows more and more fear losing me.

And here's the kicker. If you really think about it, she doesn't love you. She is in love with some idealized fantasy in her head, maybe. But she doesn't see you. No matter what you do, she doesn't know the truth of you; she perceives an image based on fear and hand-waves the rest away as fiction.

Think about that a moment. Some of the best parts of you, are completely lost on her. She doesn't believe they really exist. She isn't dating you. She's dating a nightmare wrapped up in a dream. It's like that scene in It where people are in that haunted house but can't see each other.

What's worse, she sincerely believes that you want to cheat on her, so much that it's this real for her, and she stays with you anyway. What does that say about her? That you're dating someone who thinks so little of themselves that they'd stay with and fight to stay with someone who they're convinced is cheating or would cheat.

4: People have to manifest things like trust, for themselves

First 2-3 months - Her fear was first an ego boost, I was seeing this through a Red-Pilled eye and took it for a good sign; I gained confidence, getting used to this dynamic where I was dominating her emotions.....

Yeah, what you're hitting on here is one of the big failings of that whole philosophy. It's based on fear and needing so much reassurance from the person we date, that we can only really get it when we're with someone who's unbalanced.

We think it's reassuring, until we come to realize the price the other person pays to offer that reassurance.

It's cheesy, but Will and Jada Smith really hit on it. We all run around trying to make people feel things. Make them feel love. Make them feel reassured. Make them orgasm. Whatever.

And what I have found over and over again, is that we really can't "make" people feel these things. They have to be responsible for their shit. (In fact, the best times we'll have are with people who can take care of things themselves rather than needing someone to manifest it for them.) Or all you're doing is playing pretend until the damn house of cards comes down, often in spectacular fashion.

5: What do? Well, you can't fix her, that's for sure

How would you deal with such a delicate situation? How do you reassure an insecure girlfriend who fears losing you without losing frame and becoming emotional & beta?

I'm sorry, I don't have a happy answer here where your relationship is concerned. You can't fix her. And her whole paradigm is set up so that it only works for her if someone is trying to fix her shit for her. She's incapable of doing it, but she's the only one who can.

And what's worse, the longer you stay with her, the more she drags you down with her. You've noticed it yourself. You taking on her insecurity, etc. That's what happens when you are with someone like that. It may even have been enough to leave a mark that you'll spend some time recovering from.

Now if she had the willingness to work on this and try to take responsibility for her own reassurances, if she was willing to open herself up to being hurt and trust for real, then you'd have something to work with.

Instead, she's on the merry-go-round currently. You don't "deal" with this. You get out of it, I think.

Title	Relationship Mindfuck - Insecure girlfriend
Author	FlyInSpace
Upvotes	5
Comments	40
Date	May 4, 2018 12:28 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/8gyunr/relationship_mindfuck_insecure_girlfriend/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/relationship-mindfuck-insecure-girlfriend.1445984 https://theredarchive.com/post/1445984

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