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Salsa/bachata class as first date? Does it sound good?

lannisteralwayspay

May 7, 2018

6 upvotes

/r/seduction

First date after a 9 year LTR, so I’m kinda new at this. 26 btw.

These days I’m going to a lot of salsa/bachata/kiz classes and I really enjoy the vibe. If you don’t know, they’re usually structured as follows: 2-3 classes for a couple of hours, then social dancing.

I was thinking of bringing a tinder date there, maybe a bit early to have a quick chat and then do the classes. How does it sound?

Pros I can see:

change of “setting” (drink first, then classes, they maybe social/more chat)
kino comes for free
low pressure environment
men and women already know me there so some social status
not needy: I do my own thing (dancing), you come along

Cons:

I’m not spending all the time with her
maybe she likes someone else more :P

But joking aside, what do you think of this?

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Post Information

Title	Salsa/bachata class as first date? Does it sound good?
Author	lannisteralwayspay
Upvotes	6
Comments	19
Date	May 7, 2018 2:25 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/8hnvgr/salsabachata_class_as_first_date_does_it_sound/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/salsabachata-class-as-first-date-does-it-sound.1446183 https://theredarchive.com/post/1446183

Comments

[–]bobyd 5 points6 points7 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–][deleted] 8 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

[–]passionlessDrone 2 points3 points4 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]lannisteralwayspay[S] 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

First note I'm making her: Getting out of a 9 year relationship leaves a mark. You're going to be processing stuff for a while even if the end was amiable. Be sure to go easy on yourself. Rome wasn't built in a day.

Rings true. That's why I've purposely avoided opening tinder until yesterday. I wanted to take a couple of months off to get back on my feet (getting to a more stable place with my mind), and work on my social skills.

In general, what usually happens to first dates brought to dance events or classes, is that the newb gets scared away because of feelings of inadequacy. Which is just a bad vibe to land on. And it either leads to things not working out, or they do work out and one person ends up pulling the other one out of dancing.

Since the place I was thinking of is also a pub of sorts, I was thinking then to yes go there, but maybe stay on the sidelines like drinking. Come in a bit later when the classes are over and maybe teach the date a couple of moves just for fun. That way, imho, the pressure for her would be non existent since she doesn't have to dance.

I don't know how to feel about your recommendation to keep tinder and dancing separate though. Dancing, even if it sounds a bit pretentious, is a big part of who am I these days. So I feel like it's nice for me to share that with people in my life (as I am already doing with coworkers and friends). But yes, if it's just a mess as a first date, I'll follow your suggestion. This is my thinking about it, but I have very little experience, so I trust you more than myself.

[–]Moderatorrecyclablebanthas 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link

____1____

Since the place I was thinking of is also a pub of sorts, I was thinking then to yes go there, but maybe stay on the sidelines like drinking.

That's cool that you can sit and watch, but at the same time, people there know you. So bringing your Tinder dates around will potentially mess with your options among those dancers.

And if you're there, she's a newb. She doesn't know any better. She may possibly try for the lesson; taking her there but not doing the lesson might be dangling it in front of her when she doesn't realize what she's getting into. (Which I laid out in my last reply.)

____2____

Come in a bit later when the classes are over and maybe teach the date a couple of moves just for fun.

You could do this. It really depends on the dynamic between you and her. The whole teacher-student dynamic thing isn't always the best vibe.

____3____

That way, imho, the pressure for her would be non existent since she doesn't have to dance.

It would be less pressure in one sense. But the rest I said about exposing her to the dance crowd would apply.

Unless you kept her off to the side away from them. Which would potentially be awkward.

____4____

Dancing, even if it sounds a bit pretentious, is a big part of who am I these days.

That doesn't sound pretentious. I obviously know something of what you're talking about. ;)

____5____

So I feel like it's nice for me to share that with people in my life (as I am already doing with coworkers and friends).

This is why I'm suggesting to you that dating dancers will be easier for you. Is there some reason why you're going for Tinder when you have a dance scene to draw from?

Any non-dancer is going to face a fair degree of hurdles.

Not only will you want time for dancing, which eats your free time.

And if they're doing it mainly because of you, that's less likely to be a stable interest and more likely to be something that would become a bone of contention.

[–]lannisteralwayspay[S] 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

The reason for tinder is that, well, I just wanted to try it out. No big plan behind it.

I am slowly building my dancing social circle but I’ve just now in the past couple of weeks been invited to bbqs and such social events. (I have been dancing for about 2 and a half months.) Also keep in mind that I’ve started from a place of not being able to hold eye contact and terrible social anxiety, so I had to build from scratch basically. Not complaining, just the way it is, and I’m extremely happy and committed to the journey.

So at the moment the 3-4 girls that have given me signs of interest are not exactly my type. Probably due to my insecurities and not being comfortable in my own shoes.

—

Could you expand on the teacher-student dynamic not being helpful? I was under the impression that it was a demonstration of high value of sorts.

[–]Moderatorrecyclablebanthas 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link

____1____

The reason for tinder is that, well, I just wanted to try it out. No big plan behind it.

No harm whatsoever in this. Just the idea of mixing Tinder dates with your social circle or your dance community in general, is really the bad idea.

____2____

I am slowly building my dancing social circle but I’ve just now in the past couple of weeks been invited to bbqs and such social events. (I have been dancing for about 2 and a half months.)

Oh, you're doing well, man! I was involved in dance communities for maybe a year before I was starting to be invited to social events like what you're talking about.

____3____

Also keep in mind that I’ve started from a place of not being able to hold eye contact and terrible social anxiety, so I had to build from scratch basically.

Same.

Like I said, you're doing well.

____4____

Not complaining, just the way it is, and I’m extremely happy and committed to the journey.

Dancing is pretty good at challenging you and helping confidence. Transmitting "intent" so you can lead her in something, takes confidence and clarity. At the same time, being able to read her is also vital. All of which translates directly across into other social interactions off the floor.

But that takes time. If you're like I was, it's easy to find yourself being too wishy washy about what you want to lead and not clear enough.

____5____

So at the moment the 3-4 girls that have given me signs of interest are not exactly my type. Probably due to my insecurities and not being comfortable in my own shoes.

You mean that you think they're not your type because you're intimidated by them?

If there's anyone there at all that you might theoretically want to date, then definitely DON'T bring a Tinder date around them. It could easily highlight that you're currently unable to handle dating one of them.

____6____

Could you expand on the teacher-student dynamic not being helpful? I was under the impression that it was a demonstration of high value of sorts.

It's fine to know things. Having expertise is something that some people might see as "high value." But it's not just about that. In teaching, the interaction is about one person in a position of power & control and knowing, and the other person having basically no control and ignorance.

The reason why some guys might like this is because it appeases their insecurity to hold that power and control in a one-sided way.

It makes the exchange less of a two-way thing, and more of a one way thing. Just not the best way to go.

[–]plowzedong 1 point2 points3 points 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]lannisteralwayspay[S] 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Kenic_In_MD 1 point2 points3 points 8 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link

[–]lannisteralwayspay[S] 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

[–]Kenic_In_MD 1 point2 points3 points 8 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

[–]lannisteralwayspay[S] 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]Moderatorrecyclablebanthas 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]lannisteralwayspay[S] 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]Moderatorrecyclablebanthas 1 point2 points3 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

I am, but for me it’s a very slow process.

To be expected! Damn man, 9 years. Long time to be part of a unit and not an individual. Takes time.

I was still dealing with the breakup while I was a beginner, so no real dates or anything; I’ve just now moved up as improver and I’m starting to slowly build up a social circle.

Well, let's be fair here. If you have been dancing this whole time since the break-up, then you've had a social circle.

Real talk is me being very inexperienced with flirting “new girls”.....

I mean, you actually know how to flirt with new girls. Even if you convince yourself otherwise, there's a lot of playfulness built into those dances you're doing. :)

You're also bound to see a lot of playfulness and goofiness being modeled all around you by other guys. I recommend going to any sort of big events you can attend that feature dancers from many areas coming together in a single event. Like those Salsa congresses or something. Dance festivals, that sort of thing.

Just be wary. That many dancers in one place.... a lot of chemistry flying around.... there will generally be a couple men and/or women who end up leaving a trail of destruction or drama behind them. :P

[–]WIA20XX 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]GuyFromDaStore 0 points1 point2 points 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Snazzy_Serval -1 points0 points1 point 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link