How do you guys deal with being serious in a dating culture that's not?

2018-06-01T14:47:53+00:00

[permanently deleted]

2018-06-01T15:57:29+00:00

1 - Where do you know the women from? 2 - Relax, you're a man. You can still get children when you're 40. 3 - Don't pressure the women. If you say at the first date you're looking for your future wife it's too much pressure.

_AMARILLA_ · 2018-06-01T14:15:37+00:00

This issue is on both sides. I (35F) can't find a guy that wants a relationship. A grown up relationship. And I'm not desperate, or rushing against the clock. I just want a partner.

ImJustSo · 2018-06-01T16:00:03+00:00

You're putting the cart before the horse. A serious relationship from a woman is going to require feelings. All of those women would've married you if any one of them felt anything for you.

hunterpua · 2018-06-01T19:00:40+00:00

Hey dude, I really want to have a wife and kid one day and I'm a coach that's been doing this for 10 years who's mostly in open relationships with multiple women. I've seen how the the dating world can be so casual and how easy it can be to just have as much single fun as you want but I don't think your ambition of wanting a family that has a dad, mom, and kid in it is wrong at all. I think its really cool.

Where do you meet most of the girls you go out on dates with though? Because that could be a factor as to why you're not meeting girls that want to settle down too.

oktomato2 · 2018-06-01T14:03:46+00:00

What do you mean by 'not serious'? Do you go on dates? Hang out? Hook up? Why not keep it going until she asks or hints to get serious?

WIA20XX · 2018-06-01T16:42:19+00:00

Adapt.

skyburnsred · 2018-06-01T18:38:29+00:00

Dude, if you live an awesome life, women will want to be a part of it. Children and marriage and that whole bullshit is all just a side effect. But at the end of the day, it's still your life. Enjoy it, that's the great thing about being a man, you can really do almost anything you want in life with no attachments.

Despite what women think these days, I still feel that it's not in their heads to go through life without becoming attached to some sort of man in some form. (Real unpopular opinions, I know)

recyclablebanthas · 2018-06-01T19:30:42+00:00

____1____

How do you guys deal with being serious in a dating culture that's not?

Well, the big thing here is that your base assumption is wrong. The dating pool has people who are serious and people who are not. It's not that you're some oddity in a culture of people who don't want to settle down.

____2____

// Telling women that you are looking for a special someone gives the impression that you aren't able to find anyone.

False. It's about neediness and desperation, which are not inherent to whether you're putting yourself out there for something serious or something casual.

You could still come off as if you "aren't able to find anyone," if you're telling people that you're looking for one-night stands or casual sex.

____3____

// Thus, being 'serious' makes you look low value and hence unattractive.

No. Being needy makes one look unattractive.

And being someone who's value system doesn't align with the other person's is what makes you look "low value." Example: Someone who wants to fuck around is low value to someone who truly wants to settle down. And someone who wants to settle down will be low value for someone who wants to fuck around.

____4____

// Simply put, when you easily give away commitment, your commitment doesn't seem that special.

Sure. But simply being honest about wanting something serious, isn't "giving away commitment." Being needy, is. Which again, is not inherent in being honest about what one wants.

____5____

// Play the game. Date around. Offer investment and commitment very very slowly, and only when she does first. Otherwise, she will think she can do better.

Really false.

All these sorts of things are power plays; ways of trying to get and maintain control.

These sorts of games and manipulative behaviors are great for a casual fling, but tend to attract manipulative people who are a drain to be around and very poor candidates for relationships.

____6____

I don't like single people hobbies. Bars, clubs, soulcycle, rock climbing, etc... I'm a solo hobbyist. I don't like doing group activities.

Like it or not, if you want to meet people, you're going to have to do SOMETHING to expose yourself to new people. They're not just going to fall out of the sky.

____7____

Just went out with another girl that isn't looking for anything serious a few dates in. We mutually parted ways afterwards. It'a the 8th woman I've dated this year with the same attitude.

On one hand, we should be expecting some girls to screen themselves out.

On the other hand, what are these dates like? You're glossing over pretty much the most important part of your post here.

Where are you meeting women currently? Hint: If you say Tinder or some other dating app, then this is part of your problem.
How are you opening them?
What are you talking about with them?
What are you doing on these early dates? And how are these things decided?
How is the subject coming up that these girls "aren't looking for anything serious?" What are you saying, exactly? What are they saying, exactly?"

justdolife · 2018-06-01T13:56:17+00:00

Well girls who are more serious about marriage and starting a family are religious girls. Go to Christian gatherings or what ever religion you are. Otherwise, it’s a who ever you click with on the streets, and hope they want the same thing.

I’m 27 now and I’m thinking in a similar way, but in no rush. I’m try to be more social and active, you will never know who you bump into doing that.

Title	How do you guys deal with being serious in a dating culture that's not?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	2
Comments	31
Date	June 1, 2018 1:38 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/8nrxyq/how_do_you_guys_deal_with_being_serious_in_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-do-you-guys-deal-with-being-serious-in-a.1447584 https://theredarchive.com/post/1447584

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