(28/m) I’ll do anything to help me get over my approach anxiety. But I find it super difficult. Any advice?

BaabyBear · 2018-09-09T18:41:17+00:00

I’ll try to keep this short. Approach anxiety is not some kind of disorder that select few have. Approach anxiety just describes a feeling that literally everybody that feels things feels.

The people that have “gotten over it” have just made a decision.

I’m gonna give you a solid piece of advice. More like addressing the elephant in the room. Approaching a stranger is inherently awkward in this day and age, most people aren’t prepared to do it, and guess what, most people aren’t prepared to receive a random stranger approaching them and seemingly wanting something from them.

If you want to be more of a natural when it comes to approaching women, you should practice being more verbal in general. This means saying something to the person standing next to you In line at the grocery store and maybe having it lead to a conversation. Just talking to people more in your regular life. You don’t even have to talk to people. Just acknowledge them. Be acknowledged. Feel like a person that other people accept as a person. We can all talk about how independent we are and how much we don’t need acceptance, but deep down, (or not so deep maybe) we all love when someone smiles or nods their head or does anything to acknowledge your existence. Guess what. If you don’t look scary, you can have this effect on people and it will make people see you, as well as you see yourself as a more natural person.

Here’s some awkward behavior to avoid :

Walking too fast

Appearing very upset about something, seriously unless it’s important learn to laugh things off. this doesn’t mean letting it go, it just means reacting with humor over anger. It means making fun of whatever would’ve made you mad. Like “wtf did he really just walk straight into us like he didn’t see us” just start clowning him instead of getting huffy. That might not be the best example but seriously, its always more charismatic to respond with laughter than silent glaring or even yelling or telling someone off.(again not always but just most of the time in public)

Scanning everyone’s eyes

Looking depressed at the floor.

Looking straight ahead like a robot

Let’s say you’re walking through the local mall. How do you approach someone naturally? It’s hard right? If you just walk up to someone quickly and start saying stuff to them they’ll be like whoa wtf. Doesn’t matter if it’s a lady or a guy or what. People aren’t ready for that kind of approach. No matter what you look like, if you approach like that it will be forced. So it will feel forced.

If you want it to feel more natural you’re going to have to slow down your pace. You miss a lot of little key interactions when you walk too quickly and avert your gaze quickly. If you rush past everyone you won’t feel like you belong. You won’t seem natural. You’re not being friendly to anyone and no ones being friendly to you. To feel like a natural that is where you should start. You have to feel like you belong and you do that by slowing down and acknowledging some people once in a while if it’s natural in that situation

If you’re walking through the mall you’re there to enjoy yourself. Not hit on chicks. Stop making plans to go pick up girls. Blend it into your everyday. You do that by being more verbal in general like I said which takes practice. From here I’m gonna start getting repetitive so Ima stop. My writing is kind of crazy so if you need clarification just ask

boodie_1961 · 2018-09-09T14:01:27+00:00

You must overcome the fear of these pains (the rejection). It's like entering a pool of water or a sea that is 'cold'. After the initial shock of the jump (or the agony of entering in little by little), you will start swimming and the body adapts. Rejectiins suck but they are nothing but mosquito pinpricks in the big picture of life. Think of an incurable disease or a war situation (e.g. the first 1/2 hour of "Saving the private Ryan") as things to be afraid of, not a girl's rejection. Rejected? Oh, well, never mind, there are millions of other girls around. In this respect I would be much more anxious at a job interview!

saulisdating · 2018-09-09T14:55:49+00:00

I doubt you'll do anything because your solution is pretty simple if not easy. Go walk around town and approach 30 women every single day and you'll quickly beat your approach anxiety. Within weeks.

First it will be BRUTAL, but then you'll get over it. And it's easier if you have someone to do it with and hold you accountable.

Toaby · 2018-09-09T13:56:18+00:00

I don’t think there is a cut way to get over approach anxiety. Everyone has it from beginner to advanced and it never goes away but the perspective around it changes.

I am dealing with this problem myself right now. One obvious answer is approach , approach , approach. I started doing “stop and goes”, where I approach a woman and tell her something I like about her (mostly not about her looks) and I continue on my way. Volume will help you.

If you’re interested in reads, The Suble Art of Not Giving a Fuck by Mark Manson is a good book that puts into perspective our fears. Also The Alabaster Girl by Zan Perrion is a great book on being a masculine, beautiful man. He also has great talks on YouTube.

LimitedContributor · 2018-09-09T14:48:06+00:00

You have to figure it out for yourself, dude. Just start approaching and keep it up. You will run into accidents but you won't "perfect" approach anyway because you can still mess up once you get better at it. All girls are different.

CompletelyPresent · 2018-09-09T21:17:22+00:00

Just like an RPG dude - you gotta grind and get experience to advance. Some situations may require a higher level of seduction skills, but mindful practice is the only way to learn.

ColdCaulkCraig · 2018-09-09T21:27:00+00:00

I found a workaround recently. The trick is to find a very crowded bar. The one i have is perfect. There is a line to get in and bathroom lines, these are key. This is where I meet people (guys and girls). i.e. "hey i just moved here so im trying to meet people, what's your name?" "blah blah blah" "hey wanna dance?"

Last night I just subtly danced alone sometimes too with a beer in my hand. At one point a girl stood next to me and said "i love this song". It was that kendrick banger with the Eiffel tower. Then she grabbed my shoulders and turned me toward her so i would dance with her. I was instantly turned on. But then her friend grabbed her and she left fast and i didnt get her number :P fuck.

But I did the same thing again, danced alone with a beer in my hand, idk didnt really do anything then before i realize it im talking to another girl and i end up back at her place to smoke a blunt with her friends. I didn't sleep with her, im 27 and she's 20 so idk if that mattered or what but i was happy with the night. Can't wait till next weekend.

I guess what im saying is I have approach anxiety too but really it's the girls that indirectly approach via eye contact, saying something, etc. just gotta read them and if you feel shes into you, THEN make some moves. Otherwise just talk a little and move on.

coolnig666 · 2018-09-09T22:47:07+00:00

Meditate

poopfeast180 · 2018-09-10T00:26:59+00:00

mmmm

there is no advice that is universal for AA. you just do it and look like a fool until you realize it's not a big deal.

ThaGod420 · 2018-09-10T01:24:38+00:00

I think before you can succeed and feel comfortable solo you must establish some confidence with a group of people, considering how you said your friends are all settled or don’t like to go out often, try to make some friends or become cool with familiar faces that you recognize when you out, seeing someone you know can calm nerves a lot.

Title	(28/m) I’ll do anything to help me get over my approach anxiety. But I find it super difficult. Any advice?
Author	Ptolemy222
Upvotes	27
Comments	15
Date	September 9, 2018 12:57 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/9ecrmc/28m_ill_do_anything_to_help_me_get_over_my/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/28m-ill-do-anything-to-help-me-get-over-my.1453024 https://theredarchive.com/post/1453024

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