~ archived since 2018 ~
Popular
Other
[deleted]
[–]AnnaV2020 50 points51 points52 points 5 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
This is so motivational.
Good Job Bud Keep It Up!
[–]Humpzelot 20 points21 points22 points 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Thanks! It’s crazy how my original goal of getting some tail opened up the floodgates for so much more personal development.
[–]AnnaV2020 4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Now that I've read your experience I am curious how I could apply it as a Female.
Any advice would be helpful.
[–]Humpzelot 22 points23 points24 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Sure I’d love to help. Most of the changes I made were revolving around my own foundations. The thing I struggled with the most was my own confidence. I was constantly worrying about what other people thought of me in both my interactions with women and my interactions with friends. I came to realize that I was just putting on different faces, without truly expressing who I was. I spent a lot of time really thinking about who I am, what I want in a relationship, what I want in my life, and how I want to get there. I gained confidence in that way because I knew where I wanted to be and what it takes to get there. And that inherently made me value myself more.
Another big shift that I had was that I stopped fearing failure. My whole life is this long journey of self development. I tried a whole lot of things and failed a lot. In those failures, I thought to myself, “this isn’t too bad” and “what’s the worst that can happen.” I tested my own personal boundaries as well as the people around me. Sometimes this backfired, but I was always able to reflect on previous interactions and learn from them. When l finally succeeded, the first thing that came to mind was that, “i’m the man”
The last tidbit of advice I have is to be patient. Rome wasn’t built in a day. My journey has been almost a year as of now. In that time i’ve done a lot of reading, research, and video watching. Applying knowledge is easy in theory, but in practice it’s hard. It takes a lot of time to fundamentally change your mindset and outlook. When first starting out, I thought I knew what I needed to do, but would just not do it. My mind’s natural inclination was to stay in my comfort zone. As I continued to gradually push myself out of the comfort zone, the things I learned and read about started coming more natural to me in the moment. There was this moment where it’s like everything just clicked. Like I no longer had these insecure, needy desires. My desires were healthy. My values became set in stone. My thought process and approach to many things changed. It went from being hard to speak what was on my mind out of fear of not being liked, to me very easily speaking my mind while not worrying about why people thought. From assuming that everyone disliked me, to assuming and treating everyone as a friend. It hard to pinpoint exactly where/when this shift happened because it has been the gradual accumulation of noticing these things in my day to day life.
[–]AnnaV2020 7 points8 points9 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Wow that's beautiful. The fact that you did so much inner work and it really shows in your growth. Confidence is something I really struggle with and the thought of rejection sends me running the other way. I think I may have to try and test my comfort zone and boundaries more to grow.
Thank you for the advice. I am on my own personal development journey and this gives me a lot to think about.
[–]LucianU 4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I identify a lot with his words. Even more, if I had to pick something from his comment, it would be this:
"I spent a lot of time really thinking about who I am, what I want in a relationship, what I want in my life, and how I want to get there. I gained confidence in that way because I knew where I wanted to be and what it takes to get there. And that inherently made me value myself more."
Having a clear answer to this really gives you a lot confidence in everything. You know you want to get to Rome. Now you're just looking for somebody who wants to go as well, so you can go together.
You meet somebody who wants to go to Paris? You wish them good luck with their journey.
Now the task is finding what our Rome is :)
[–]PhantomPR3D4T0R 4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Confidence confidence confidence. There is nothing sexier then when a girl knows what she wants and isn’t afraid to go out and get it. How you build up your confidence, that one is on you to figure out :)
[–]brawlerbooi_44 14 points15 points16 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
New role model --->this guy👊
[–]Humpzelot 10 points11 points12 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I am humbled by this, as I’m just a normal everyday dude sharing his story, but I’m glad this message could resonate with you.
[–]brawlerbooi_44 4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Honestly you deserve this more than most.....👑take it.
[–]emjlew_ 5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Well done! Its always important to just be your true authentic self, unapologetically. In doing that you will attract more people around you just because you are so fun to be around.
[–]Humpzelot 5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Agreed! I didn’t really know who I was at all at the beginning so nothing I did really felt authentic. Now I’ve got my own ideas, values, goals, passions and I’m genuinely excited to share these with people
[–]emjlew_ 4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Good! It's all about the journey rather than the destination. I learnt alot about myself when I got out of a long relationship, and it was difficult at times but so rewarding as well so I completely understand where you are coming from.
[–]LucianU 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Can you talk more about the process through which you identified your ideas, values, goals?
[–]Humpzelot 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yeah definitely. I may not have always been confident in social settings, but I’ve always been confident in my ability and capacity to learn. I learned to rely and listen to my intuition. I honestly solidified my values and views by talking about them to other people and debating. Things like hearing my friends views on issues and providing counterpoints. It’s hard to explain values because they’re just what inherently makes sense to me. Like when someone says something that doesn’t align with my values, i consciouslytake note. I might not say anything, but there’s always a little internal dialogue where i say “i agree with that” or “don’t agree with that” my ideas stem from my goals. My self identity revolves around what I achieve, so I set a goal of where I wanted to be in 10 years and my ideas all work toward that goal if that makes sense.
[–][deleted] 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
[permanently deleted]
[–]Humpzelot 10 points11 points12 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
The key is calibrating based on the reactions of the people you escalate on. It’s hard to break over the hump, but you’ve always got to be able to take calculated risks based on what’s given to you. when I see a girl for the first time on a date or wherever, i’ll give her a hug and just hold my arm around her shoulder for a little while I’m talking to her. if she wasn’t as receptive to the hug, I wouldn’t hold my arm there after the hug. A handshake is also an acceptable start if you aren’t a hugger. It’s pretty easy to read how a girl feels about physical escalation. If she looks into your eyes or gives off a good energy in the conversation, you can progress to more frequent/longer touches. Things like touching her on the arm when emphasizing and giving her a slight push on the arm when you’re teasing her, and something like putting your arm around her or taking her hand. If you get through all that you can make a smooth move like looking in her eye, pulling her close to you, and going in for the kiss. And if she’s ever not responding well to any given physical escalation, be sure to take note, dial back, and just continue with the convo. It’s really all about reading the vibe, and spreading the escalation throughout encounter instead of waiting till the end to do all of the escalation.
[–]MajorWorrying 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
How do you come up with lines? Do you practice or is it just natural wit?
[–]Humpzelot 3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
natural wit I guess. Mainly just making comments based on observations. literally what ever comes to my mind in any given moment
[–]MajorWorrying 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Comments based on observations... that seems pretty easy!
[–]LucianU 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It's about how you feel inside, not about the words. It's the emotion you convey.
[–]wtfzambo 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
What process / resources did you follow to improve?
I find some points I'm having trouble too, like self confidence and flirting / escalation
[–]Humpzelot 9 points10 points11 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
One you tuber that had the most profound effect on me was Coach Kyle. Dude’s smoother than silk. I also read models by charles manson, as well as reading through reddit a lot. i’d kind of just google something that I was struggling with and try to form my own opinions on what to do.
[–]wtfzambo 10 points11 points12 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It's Mark Manson btw, I think charles manson was a serial killer 😬
[–]peacebyfire 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Using the old helter skelter technique for pickup? Classic. Hey, it worked for Charles 🤷
[–]WalkerT_btw 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Love these posts. Keeps me motivated honestly
[–]skrrrdid 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
How do you even meet so many girls bro?
[–]Humpzelot 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
i’m in college and my classes are in person.
[–]yoyomohit 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Well done brother. Really happy for you :)
[–]JBGolden 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
That’s great to hear! It sounds like we’re in almost identical situations with the long relationship and struggles with self-identity. How long did it take you to figure most of this out? I’ve noticed a lot of progress in myself, though the relationship ended roughly 6 months ago. I’d love to hear more of your story!
It took a very long time, and it wasn’t until this summer where I moreso gained confidence about where I was going and what I was doing. Earlier this month is when I really found out who I was. Finding my Myers Briggs personality type actually made many personal connections for me.
[–]Koto137 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Great post, been there done that, first I was learning cheesy pickup lines years ago . When all you need to do is get in touch with yourself, find and allign with your own values and rest comes.
Good job, I am happy for you :)
[–]soul_alley 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Would you share how you touch women? (Very weird wording but you know what I’m trying to say lol)
[–]Humpzelot 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
i’ve addressed under a post above. feel free to take a look and dm me if you want anymore advice.
[–]soul_alley 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thanks brother
[–]DNAngel23 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Great post!
[–]the-last-airbender- 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Great post! I have a question. Do you have some tips to help with physical escalation? Because that really something I have to work on.
[–]Humpzelot 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
It gets easier the more you do it. A tip I did was practicing on my friends because it’s something you can apply to all your interactions to strengthen them. like when i’m joking around with my friends or emphasizing something to them, i’d tap their arm or something like that
[–]the-last-airbender- 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thank you! I will try it without getting a deadly disease lol
[–]goatxoxoxo 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
From personal experience, I believe the biggest positive about this community is that it pushes us to take action and continue taking action. You have certainly embodied that in a year. Kudos to you man! Great inspiration, thank you for your sharing your experience!
[–][deleted] 5 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]Humpzelot 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
by just taking it day by day. just treat everyday like it’s independent of the rest. you can’t change the past, who you were yesterday doesn’t define who you are today.
[–][deleted] 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]Humpzelot 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I start by reflecting on the day before, where I look at things I did right and things I did wrong. I then make a conscious effort to change. Even if it doesn’t happen all at once, or you have some bad days as long as I have the thought of improving in the back of my mind it’ll manifest. I also tend to look at things from a big picture. Kansas said it best “all we are is dust in the wind.” What’s one bad day when you have so many in front of you? In the grand scheme of things, one day won’t matter, but you’ll see change on an exponential scale if you’re consistently focusing on the foundational parts of yourself and the interactions, not on the outcome. Being rejected and facing demons are a part of everyone’s reality. Everyone has different struggles and hardships they’re working through…however there are people that are stuck in a rut of self pity and there are those who say, “no matter what happens to me today, tomorrow or in my whole life, I’ll be okay.” Those who lay down and give up and those who viamently pursue their goals and passions no matter what stands in their way. Set a goal, manifest that goal, and everything will fall into place. I know facing your fears is scary, but it builds character. Being courageous isn’t having no fear, it’s being able to look at your fear in the face and say, “you’re not going to define me, I’m going to do what I want to do. I’m going to be who I want to be” and going out and doing it.
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
I am in the same situation with the long term girlfriend during adolescence and now I still struggle with making friends and talking to women. I seriously struggle with confidence and I hate it so much. Im fit, a little above average looking, yet I still am so introverted and afraid of what others think.. Would you mind pointing me towards some resources that helped you?
Yeah I watched a good amount of infield videos on youtube from coach kyle. those actually really helped me. I used the fake it till you make it strategy. you might want to overcompensate and try to act really cocky, and your mind will subconsciously tone it down to a level of normal confidence.
© TheRedArchive 2026. All rights reserved.created by /u/dream-hunter
[–]AnnaV2020 50 points51 points52 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]Humpzelot 20 points21 points22 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]AnnaV2020 4 points5 points6 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]Humpzelot 22 points23 points24 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]AnnaV2020 7 points8 points9 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]LucianU 4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]PhantomPR3D4T0R 4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]brawlerbooi_44 14 points15 points16 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Humpzelot 10 points11 points12 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]brawlerbooi_44 4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]emjlew_ 5 points6 points7 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]Humpzelot 5 points6 points7 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]emjlew_ 4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]LucianU 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Humpzelot 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Humpzelot 10 points11 points12 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]MajorWorrying 2 points3 points4 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]Humpzelot 3 points4 points5 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]MajorWorrying 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]LucianU 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]wtfzambo 1 point2 points3 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]Humpzelot 9 points10 points11 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]wtfzambo 10 points11 points12 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]peacebyfire 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]WalkerT_btw 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]skrrrdid 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Humpzelot 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]yoyomohit 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]JBGolden 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Humpzelot 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Koto137 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]soul_alley 1 point2 points3 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Humpzelot 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]soul_alley 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]DNAngel23 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]the-last-airbender- 1 point2 points3 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Humpzelot 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]the-last-airbender- 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]goatxoxoxo 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]Humpzelot 0 points1 point2 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]Humpzelot 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Humpzelot 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link