21M - What am I doing wrong?

CicadaProfessional76 · 2021-04-01T05:30:52+00:00

Ethnic Asians have it the worst on dating apps. All you can do is be the best version of yourself, and let the chips fall where they may

learning-new-thingz · 2021-04-01T10:02:58+00:00

You have a shitload of things to learn as a 21 year old, trust me. Sex and relationships can be especially daunting and it's easy for the mere thought of such things to unleash insecurity. The only advice I would give you is to cold approach as frequently as you can and keep opening yourself up to new experiences. If you really want to increase the odds of finding yourself in a sexual encounter, my advice would be to join FetLife and follow events in your area and go along to them. Exposing yourself to sex positive environments can dissipate awkwardness and uneasiness about sex as an 'unattainable thing'. The key goal for you is expose yourself to a myriad of social environments that span your peer group, casual parties, formal gatherings, themed parties (i.e. masquerade balls), kink parties and sex parties. If you are at university, join clubs. Spend at least 3 days of the week wandering about your town and explore new amenities (libraries, museums, shops, parks, galleries, recreational centres etc) - having a curiosity about people and things will get you far.

justadude1234576 · 2021-04-01T04:10:34+00:00

Bro this isn’t something that you can study traditionally, just go with your gut and be a little ballsy (confident not cocky) the more you appear relaxed and fun the better you will do. It sounds to me like you’re too tense about the situation, don’t force interactions or worry if they go bad. Just stay frosty 🥶 and you’ll be fine

Eklio · 2021-04-01T05:36:35+00:00

Two things, if you see someone cute when you're out anywhere just go up to them and strike up a conversation. You definitely can meet people that way. Or do group activities and just have fun, don't even go to find a girl. You may just stumble upon someone with a shared interest that way.

Dating apps are a shitshow if you're a dude, don't base anything off of that. It's also possible you've got specific standards, which isn't a bad thing necessarily if they're realistic, but it can make it tougher to find someone. I can relate to that aspect a lot.

2021-04-01T14:27:02+00:00

Hey man. I think you need to be more aggressive in your approach. The reason for this is that you sound like a really nice, really nice provider guy, which is okay, but clearly not working for you. (Correct me if I'm wrong here). Start with Robert Glover's No More Mr. Nice Guy. (self-help) Also read Mode One by Alan Roger Currie (memoir/seduction manual) and finally Balls Deep by Nick Krauser (memoir).

Basically, you need to challenge and greatly expand your perspective when it comes to what's possible with women, and then you need to know that it's possible for you. Basically, you sound like your on the nice guy end of the spectrum, you need to move to the opposite side, and then find a balance that works for you. Reading books and approaching more aggressively will help to that end.

LolaBijou · 2021-04-01T16:58:10+00:00

Stop focusing on the girls you already know. They’ve already categorized you in their mind as friend/not their type/etc. But you CAN let them know that you’re looking for a relationship, and ask them to set you up with their friends. A lot of women love a project like this. And then you should also ask these same female friends to look over your dating app and ask for input on your pics and profile, wardrobe, hair, etc.

GoOmYourself · 2021-04-01T23:21:44+00:00

Dude, south Asian and dating apps ain't gonna work. I know, I've been there. I was in your shoes at 21 and had only 2 sexual partners up until then. And both were south Asian. But now in my mid 30s I'm in the 100s in terms of body count. Not trying to brag or anything. I live in OC. So if I go out to bars in Newport or HB, then forget about it. Better luck in more ethnically diverse places like DTSA or Downtown Fullerton.

Start joining groups and activities like that off meet-up. That's the best bet for people like you and me. Not dating app, not bars/clubs. Unless if you're looking for bottle hos and trying to drop cash.

Also, have a nice fresh style. It's hard when you're 21 and don't have a stable job. Get money, get style, get hobbies then get the girl.

I have some white friends who I go out with that pull girls back everytime we go out. And honestly those girls are trash. You don't want to date some girl like that at bars. Anyways, hit me up if you need some pointers.

DubDeuceInThisBih · 2021-04-01T13:51:03+00:00

the thirst is real. they can feel it.

Daunt02 · 2021-04-01T05:41:22+00:00

You need to get blown out a lot more, focus on your future and making yourself feel good everywhere you go. It's going to take a while and may come after you take risks in your personal life. Real talk you gotta go through the ringer until you don't give a damn about being good with women and you have a life that you appreciate for you. Have you tried making deep friendships with women you don't want to fuck? Make those acquaintances good solid friends. Having multiple female friends makes the whole having relationships with women thing easier. Even if you were to find some success with women in the near future where do you really want to be? Focusing on that will make the times you do "succeed" not so contigent on your sense of self which will continue to add value to your life.

welackscience · 2021-04-01T09:47:45+00:00

If you’re desperate women can sense it. It’s one thing to know what to do but another thing to truthfully put it into play. You can try seduction/game/pickup but it doesn’t really work like that for some people.

Once you get to a point where you’re genuinely not outcome dependent, and actually are just trying to ‘hang’ you’ll find women appreciate it.

There have been times where I’ve literally been trying to befriend a gal maybe to eventually meet a friend/just actually talk to someone without feeling like I need to win their favor first. A good amount of those ladies that I was 100% just trying to be friends with usually just developed feelings for me.

No not all of them were drop dead gorgeous, but many were, and quite frankly some of them had no business being caught up with me and I look like rick ross when he lost some weight eating pears 😹

TLDR

Be truthful with yourself and the people you approach

Don’t be outcome dependent

Have fun you aren’t even 21 yet

You also really have to take into account that women start their 20’s in the peak of their value while men gain it as they get better jobs and their mates become more reliable with less liabilities.

raccLunatics · 2021-04-01T13:29:14+00:00

I think it’s too much your focus I think you should start doing things you love and forget about dating believe me when you’re thinking about it all the time why am I not dating why can’t I get a date I think it sends out to the universe that your good enough , make your focus your next thing in your life getting a job going more school what you love to do hiking mountain climbing whatever it is start doing it maybe even join a club I know it’s hard right now but the pandemic is winding down you’re still young you still have plenty of time there’s no hurry Be happy and enjoy life and somebody will come along

pinkchauhan · 2021-04-01T12:44:45+00:00

Work on body language plus your hygiene and how you act around others

3ndlessDreamer · 2021-04-01T17:10:50+00:00

Girls do not like South Asian, Indian or Pakistani guys In general terms. Unless you are particularly different than most of them. The race card often plays.

Its not always the case though. Outliers among those races exist of individuals that do far better than most or on par with the best.

xSathya · 2021-04-01T21:22:15+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Miracleman360 · 2021-04-02T00:37:54+00:00

I found 2 people who are a cut above the rest. Casey Zander And Corey Wayne

Both think almost alike too Test there knowledge out

xytnon · 2021-04-02T01:57:33+00:00

Maybe watch the way you approach/communicate with females. Be chill. But nonetheless, continue working on yourself, for yourself. The right person will come at the right time. Life is so much more than dating, specially in your 20s

Title	21M - What am I doing wrong?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	22
Comments	21
Date	April 1, 2021 4:02 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/mhn56c/21m_what_am_i_doing_wrong/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/21m-what-am-i-doing-wrong.1511951 https://theredarchive.com/post/1511951

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