So quick history… Separated 6 months, work issues and financial problems, we both had to leave the house we were in (part of previous job), she found a rental, I temp went to parents 1600 miles away but I left angry (at ex) and suddenly, before ex moved. Ex made kids feel like I abandoned them. Now kids don’t want to see me apparently, ex wouldn’t even let me have my dog back. She says 10 yo doesn’t want to speak with me and 15 yo is “scared” of me (no idea why). Legal stuff hasn’t happened yet. YES I KNOW, one step at a time.

So today, my work life is much better (just a week into new job). I am still struggling to have motivation to work (not good considering my position) or exist for that matter. Which leads me to my struggle.

I temporarily have my dog, we are “sharing” custody of him. I thought it would help but it isn’t. This is the first time. Love that I have him, but it has me feeling pretty sad, because this is just a micro example of what’s going to happen with my kids. I know you guys are going through it too, but I don’t know how you do it.

I spent my entire life building this family and now my kids and even my dog are just going to suffer with this whole bullshit and I’m probably the only one that gives a shit. Neither of us can give our kids what they need as individuals. It just really sucks and makes me just not want to even be here. My kids are going to be fucked up by this and I imagine my ex is just trying to replace me.

Sorry if this is incoherent, just fucking sad.