Todays been a bad day

dnbndnb · 2024-02-08T07:38:14+00:00

If you’re looking to get hammered on the financial side by her negotiate for deferred compensation at the new job. That way your checks will be smaller for alimony calculations

Classic_Dill · 2024-02-07T21:16:07+00:00

The problem is your perspective is all screwed up, let me give you a little bit of advice from my psychiatrist from three years ago, you have to absolutely, positively stop thinking of her and your family for who they were in the past, you have to start looking and judging her, especially for who she is today! Why would you live in the past? You already know what’s in the past, I bet you’ve relive the past 1 billion times since you split, and so did I, and so did a lot of guys, stop looking in the past there’s nothing back there, but carnage and pain! today you have to start thinking of her of who she is today, get angry! I’m sure you got disrespected in your marriage at some point? Get upset by that, let that fire burn you through the bad times, and don’t look for your trauma to be healed in a nice upward moment of line, healing is up and down up and down up and down and up and down, eventually, you’ll go two months with no issue and then you’ll crash for a Week, that’s what traumas about. But you have to get perspective on your situation, your problem is, you’re not through the acceptance, phase of healing yet and I got a bad feeling you somehow anchoring yourself in the middle of the acceptance, phase and not allowing yourself to grow. Perspective, my man, perspective!

Lumpy-Prior3261 · 2024-02-07T06:31:47+00:00

Oh ok that's sucks I guess I feel for ya

NotUsedUsernameYet · 2024-02-07T03:28:10+00:00

Why did you move out? Did she get a TRO?

Lumpy-Prior3261 · 2024-02-07T03:11:44+00:00

Why is she kicking you out of the home you know you don't have to leave it's your residence also she can't change the locks she can't kick you out she can't maybe call the cops but when they get there they will rel he straight up she can't kick you out my ex tried that changed the locks well when I tried to get in started pounding on the door .she called the cops they showed up and asked whet I was doing they asked if I lived there hell yes I do well by you proving you live there you can do what ever you need to do get inside that means kicking the door in or breaking a window . So I said ok they said we will stay and watch that way she can't call back I kicked my door in im on kick . Walked in they said where is you wife oh she is right here we need to talk to her ok . They told her she can't do that and the locks gave to be changed back or give him keys that fit it we don't want to come back so don't do anything stupid . And have your husband fix the door jamb and door so you can lock it tonight .and they left . So what ever you do don't ever leave your house they will tell her if she wants out she can leave if she wants to .I would record any conversations with her on your phone in case she tries to put a TRO on you.

IllustriousCry672 · 2024-02-07T03:08:10+00:00

I feel it. Just recently got a new job myself after basically having zero money after bills and divorce crap. Have to move for it, so maybe new city will be good for me, but I'm leaving the only place I've lived my entire life.

Also with you on wishing I could hate her. At the very start, before I even knew she was cheating and she said 'she needed time to think' she said 'this would be easier if you hated me'.

New job will pay about 25% more than the job I had when were married (I got laid off day after she said she wanted a divorce, and had a take a job paying 60%) and I also think how good it would have been for our family.

Oh well, hoping having money for the first time since this started back in July 2022 might help me move on.

EnvironmentalAd3558 · 2024-02-07T02:46:59+00:00

Divorce may well cost you the fruits of your past efforts where they are subject to the whims/destruction by your wife, but you regain 100% control of at least a significant portion of your future efforts.

Initial_Tomatillo_94 · 2024-02-07T01:52:55+00:00

Congrats on the new job friend. That’s a really important first step.

This shit sucks and it’s a roller coaster. Good days will follow bad. Eventually the good will outnumber the bad. I’m a year past the decision and a month away from meditation. The finances suck right now and I’m in a valley myself, so I definitely get it.

Funny enough, I’ve hated her for almost a year but can now visualize some kind of relationship for the benefit of the kids. You will get past this and realize she is just another female on this planet eventually.

Hang in there man.

Canadian_builder1081 · 2024-02-07T01:50:37+00:00

I feel for you man. Sounds like you have lots of positives (2 potential job offers) and will come through this. Remember, this stage is temporary and you’ll be up and back on your feet before summer! Good luck and keep your chin up!

gorillavstiger · 2024-02-07T01:45:39+00:00

Make sure you have perspective, especially right now. It's true and life is going great and especially needed when life is not.

A new job is a reason to celebrate! The life you envisioned has ended, and yes it's going to hurt. Allow yourself to feel the hurt so you can truly process it.

Focus on what you can control, sounds like housing issue number one. Like you said: save up money and start building towards the life you want.

Good luck brother!

Android_1234 · 2024-02-07T01:44:47+00:00

I know the feelings man. One day I think everything is feeling pretty good and then bam, I'm hit with a wave of anxiety and dread.

Congrats on the interview and the other job. At least you have something solid to look forward to. Focus on that victory and move to the next. These small wins really help if you are mindful of them.

You'll get things back in order, and remember there are lots of men here going through similar things and are here to support you. I'm thinking about you and sending good vibes.

Title	Todays been a bad day
Author	Cheb44
Upvotes	23
Comments	16
Date	February 7, 2024 1:12 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1akqh4n/todays_been_a_bad_day/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/todays-been-a-bad-day.1244779 https://theredarchive.com/post/1244779

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