On the fence!!

hofner5963 · 2024-05-12T23:24:00+00:00

There’s a better than average chance she feels the same. If you can work it out, great. If not, divorce and move on. All the better that you’ll be financially stable. Sometimes losing money and abruptly changing your lifestyle is the cost of entry to happiness. I was 49 when the divorce was finalized and wish I did it sooner. If you are feeling that way now, it’s unlikely your view will improve with time. You owe it to yourself to be happy. Good luck.

captainchippsixx · 2024-05-11T16:21:12+00:00

If you’re unhappy. And have been for a long time.

I would go with divorce to the point of being ready to sevre. Have all the ducks lined up. Assess, debts, living arrangements. Then. Tell your family. Then call her parents and then tell her that you don’t see a fix for the marriage. See what she says. But you are ready to go if the answer sucks. Which most likely it will. I would go on a vacation right after that: let the dust settle.

AirSailer · 2024-05-11T13:57:03+00:00

Make a list of the things that would need to change to make you happy, include changes that you have to make in there too. I'm talking specific concrete things. Now, what would have to happen for those changes to occur. Next, identify which ones are under your control, which are under her control. For the things under her control, do you think she has the level of introspection and self-accountability necessary for her to actually change? I'm not talking possible, I'm talking probable... Be realistic, no wishful thinking.

With that being said: once respect is lost it cannot be repaired/regained, attraction cannot be negotiated, and accountable cannot be forced on someone.

Misled-Heat · 2024-05-11T12:21:56+00:00

Currently in the same boat. 54yo male, 31y marriage. Got to the point a few weeks ago, and came to the realization I want to be happy and am tired of arguing. I'm not who I was when I was 23, I know what I want and need now. She isn't providing it and I don't expect her to change to fit them. Nor is she willing.

Yes we started couples therapy yesterday, I'll give it a couple months, but right now I struggle to see how it will work out and don't want to be here a year from now doing the same thing. We did this 5 years ago and here we are again.

jgoodstein · 2024-05-11T11:53:00+00:00

It’s fine to call it quits. 33 years is a long time and a great success. Congrats on that. The only thing I’ve done for 33 years is stay alive. You can be proud of that. Just be aware that even though you say money is fine, 33 is a long term marriage and you or her could be liable for lifetime alimony in many states. Or maybe you both work, or maybe she makes more. But it may not be as easy as “money should be OK”. Go consult a lawyer. Then consult her. You’ve been together 33 years. Time to sit down and have a discussion on where your heads are at and what you want the next chapters of your life to look like.

fishingforthought · 2024-05-11T11:13:08+00:00

If what you want isn’t their then ask why. Communicate what you want, don’t take a back seat to your life. Good luck to you brother.

1984BurnerAccount · 2024-05-11T10:47:24+00:00

Couple therapy should be where you turn to first, if you haven't tried that already for a decent length of time.

urMirin · 2024-05-11T06:45:47+00:00

One day at a time. The sooner you seperate, the sooner you get to start a new life.

Title	On the fence!!
Author	CostaMesaDave
Upvotes	2
Comments	8
Date	May 11, 2024 5:04 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1cp9nxu/on_the_fence/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/on-the-fence.1518151 https://theredarchive.com/post/1518151

Comments