My boyfriend and I have been dating for over a year. We've mostly been long distance and can't meet until a good few months later. He's been acting detached recently and blames it on my behavior. I often question him about his past and ask him to compare traits of his exes with mine and don't stop obsessing about it until he has fully reassured me that he thinks I'm better in whatever aspect I'm comparing myself to them in. And sometimes it's things like "do you think she was better at (xyz sexual thing)." He finds it super annoying when even after he tells me I'm clearly "the winner" I don't believe him and gets really mad at me when I'm just trying to know his honest opinion and not a sugarcoated nugget.

Recently he said, "none of your previous boyfriends or anyone who liked you thought they should address your insane traits because you kept them hooked by being fun and hot and a refreshing personality compared to other girls they had around, so they thought it wasn't worth it to make these a problem, but I can't overlook it like they did in a long-term partner."

Anyway, because he's been detached, I feel even more obsessed. I ask him when exactly things will turn around and he'll feel more enthusiastic about me like he used to, and he keeps saying he doesn't know and we need to meet for things to possibly improve. But the fact that there's a chance things might not improve drives me insane and I keep nagging him for definite answers. As a result, we end up having yet another bitter conversation and he dissociates even more.

But I get worked up about stupid things to begin with BECAUSE he's been acting so different. I also feel like sometimes he simply seems so, so absent and unenthusiastic that it's hard not to yearn for an immediate resolution. Is there any way to solve this?

He says he'd rather break up if I can't stop acting like this while we wait to meet, since things are hard for him right now and I'm making it worse, and he prioritizes other things over the relationship, like his job search which has been pretty rough. He said he wants to wait it out and see if we feel better about each other when we meet, only if I don't question him about his past or our tumultuous present every night and waste both of our time and increase our bitterness. I already stopped doing it, but he hasn't gotten as loving as before at all. Still acts like I'm his whiny girlfriend he's trying to avoid.

For now, I told him I will work on my issues but he also has to be kinder to me while I do that, instead of lashing out, and that I act crazy because I like him so much. But he said he doesn't always have the bandwidth to reassure me and I need to try harder to control these impulses while we wait for things to get better, instead of making him feel more bitter. He also said he currently feels "next to nothing" for me and I need to work on my issues for him to feel differently. Am I not supposed to be super hurt by this?