I (36m) am pretty sure I need to leave my wife (35f). On the outside, our relationship is strong. Most people think we are happily in love. And she certainly is, but I am not. We married incredibly young (me 22, her 21). We were raised in the mormon church where that is pretty much standard. I had my doubts about whether I truly wanted a life with her at the time, but I pressed forward (partly out of my avoidance of conflict and partly out of my beliefs God would bless our marriage etc etc religious BS).

Fast forward 14 years. We have 3 kids (2 pre teen and 1 4yo). She is madly in love and thinks she won the lottery. I am perpetually disappointed and feel like the tree in the book The Giving Tree. Our physical intimacy is non-existent and when anything does happen it is incredibly unfulfilling for me (see Mormon upbringing above). I spent the first few years striving to get God to make me happy as I worked to be obedient/faithful/etc... eventually I recognized the religious stuff to be total BS and then concluded that even though I'm not truly happy, it is better for me to stay for the sake of the kids and my relationship with them. More recently, I have realized it would be good for me to leave and actually choose to prioritize my own happiness for once.

But I can't make myself do it. So much of my life is 'good enough' that it feels foolish to throw it all away in pursuit of something more. I know I could be happier with someone else who I am more compatible with, but I fear the idea of tearing our family apart. My avoidance personality says it's better to just stay and hope things get better even though I know they won't.

Are there those out there who have been in a similar place and can provide reassurance or advice? Specifically, anyone who has chosen to leave even though it meant having to go to long distance with their kids? I'm so afraid of having to let them move away (because of my professional situation, they would most likely have to). Please help!