I and my best friend’s bridesmaids are screwing up her wedding for her

moirainesedaii · 2024-07-14T09:59:15+00:00

This is exhausting to read because it’s a wall of text, rambling and no paragraphs.

Correct me if I’m wrong but It sounds like the postponement would only be for your benefit. Wedding planning is stressful and it would have been stressful and anxiety inducing whether she had 6 months or 12. I had a friend who cried hours before walking down the aisle because of difficult family members and still went on to have the best wedding I’ve ever been to, I know this is anecdotal.

Also, do you really think it’s that easy? Guests have booked tickets, she’s booked a venue and likely loads of planning has already gone into it. You want to postpone because of your financial issues, you don’t know the groom well enough (do you know you can just focus your speech on her? And general well wishes for both of them), and you are uncomfy with his views (but unfortunately it’s her choice to proceed knowing it could impact her kids, she’s not going into this blind).

It’s sounds like you just have a lot of anxiety about your role in this event. I think you should focus on supporting her and being the best bridesmaid you can according to your capacity and not make it about you.

sodarnclever · 2024-07-14T10:32:45+00:00

Girl….. Read what you wrote. Most of that was actually about you. Your hardships. Your excuses for being an absent friend. Your preferences for your friends wedding. That was a lot.

My suggestion to you is that you focus your energy on your own growth and self awareness, and find ways to be gracious and supportive of your friend. You don’t get to make the decisions on who or what or when or where or why or how her wedding will unfold, you only get to choose your own behaviour and level of participation and involvement.

vintagegirlgame · 2024-07-14T09:50:16+00:00

Huge wall of text = TLDR

adonaros4ever · 2024-07-14T10:50:40+00:00

Summary using chatgpt:

The user expresses deep regret and guilt about letting down their best friend, who is getting married in a week. They initially wanted to convince their friend to postpone the wedding, feeling it was planned too quickly in six months and that the friend deserves a better experience. The user was asked to be the maid of honor but, due to personal issues such as financial instability, depression, and unreliability, they unofficially demoted themselves to a bridesmaid. The friend also appointed her little sister as a co-maid of honor.

The user feels disconnected from the friend's fiancé, knowing little about him and having concerns about his views, particularly his stance on homosexuality. They find it challenging to write a heartfelt maid of honor speech due to this disconnect.

The wedding planning has faced multiple issues: another bridesmaid moved to Florida without informing the bride she couldn't attend, and the bride's older sister also has financial problems. The user's financial situation has prevented them from contributing to wedding expenses, leading to a downgraded bachelorette party, which visibly saddened the bride. The fiancé delayed getting his suit, which is now being shipped last minute to Indiana.

Despite all these issues, the wedding planning has continued, and the bride seems overwhelmed and unhappy about the situation. The user is contemplating whether to suggest postponing the wedding to allow for better planning and a more enjoyable experience for the bride. They seek advice on how to be supportive, whether to suggest postponing the wedding, and how to manage their feelings and contributions effectively.

SecretFeminine · 2024-07-14T10:33:51+00:00

I didn't read very much of this gigantic wall of text but here's a rpw bit of advice: your best friend is marrying this man and your problems with him seem to be superficial and all about you....if you say anything about him, make it nice. And don't even consider asking to postpone the wedding.

pearlsandstilettos · 2024-07-14T11:47:52+00:00

Post removed. Difficult formatting and off topic for this sub.

AutoModerator · 2024-07-14T09:11:18+00:00

Title: I and my best friend’s bridesmaids are screwing up her wedding for her

Author Far-Lake-4018

Full text: I’ve been meaning for weeks now to post here, I’ve just been nervous. My best friend is getting married in a week. I’ve really let her down and so did other bridesmaids. When I originally wanted to post here much longer ago, I REALLY wanted to ask if I could convince her to postpone the wedding, and if I should. I still feel that way. But I hesitated posting or bringing it up to her because I feel it’s not my place, it’s her big day and this isn’t about me. But she tried to plan the wedding in 6 months which I thought from the beginning was a terrible idea, but again, not my place. But I’ve been cringing over everything and just feeling disappointed. Ever since we’ve known each other as older teens I didn’t imagine our adult weddings like this. First off, I was asked to be maid of honor. Now a little background about me… I never have my shit together. I’ve been living a financial horror story shitshow since I turned 18 (and before that, if we’re going off of how well off I was growing up- I wasn’t.) I’m pretty undependable and have struggled with depression so bad to the point I’m constantly burned out and find it hard to get out of bed and brush my teeth and live in slop, etc. I’ve been like this for years and people know this of me. Needless to say, I’ve kind of unofficially demoted myself to bridesmaid and it’s a pretty known unspoken thing. She also asked her little sister to be maid of honor due to doubt about my ability to perform maid of honor duties, we all knew this was coming. We also live states away. She lives in CO now and I in IL, and we met in IN when we both lived there. She only recently moved to CO and this is where she met her fiance not long after settling in CO. I think they’ve known each other for about 9 months. So that’s also a big reason I didn’t know where to start with this maid of honor thing, and why she also asked her little sister. Well, I’ve been pretty ghost as far as wedding planning goes and it’s not only because I knew I’m too much of a screw up to have been a proper maid of honor, but also due to guilt about not knowing much about her fiance. After her last boyfriend who wasn’t good for her, I started tuning her relationship stuff out. We just stopped talking about her relationships together, and she was busy with settling into CO and everything, I just know very little about the guy. One thing that concerns me is that he is very against being gay and my best friend is not, and she wants to have a kid in the next couple of years and knows he wouldn’t accept the kid if the kid were to be gay, however he is a Jamaican immigrant and she says he is very mature about his blind spot in this, and he admits he knows it’s just how he grew up, that he shouldn’t feel that way but he knows he would reject the kid. It also rubbed me wrong that the only time I caught him on FaceTime with her, he didn’t really say much to me, he said hi my name kinda distantly despite being right there where the camera was, and not much else, which I found ill mannered but I’ve been trying to tell myself that I’m just overly harping on formalities over connection. Even she said there are parts of his personality that she never wanted or would have been attracted to, like she doesn’t like the type of guy that shows off outfits on instagram (which I agree, it’s so tacky lol), but we both figure mostly that this is smaller negligible stuff and we both don’t want to be shallow. She’s 28 and says he has NEVER treated her poorly (which I believe. I’ve never had reason to believe he’s treated her poorly, as a matter of fact it’s part of the reason I don’t know much about him, she’s never had anything to complain about lol. She says they just “click” and they spend the majority of the time laughing together, which I think is a sign of a healthy relationship. So since she’s 28 and he’s never treated her badly and they get along, live together and can cohabitate symbiotically, she figures she may as well get married. On one hand I get it as an adult, weighed decision. On the other hand I don’t think it’s a great reason to get married. I know men tend to get married based off of when they want to get married and not necessarily the woman all the time, but it still rubs me wrong that it’s not a secret that they met on a dating app that he joined because he knew he was at a time in his life he wanted to find a wife, they met, and he stuck with her. It does not seem like it came from a desperate place, and he didn’t shy away from it when she’s said to him that basically he could have had anyone. So he seems decent enough, objective and secure in himself. However since I haven’t spent time with him or know too much about him, I have been dreading thinking about a maid of honor speech. Even long after I stopped showing initiative in maid of honor stuff, my best friend still mentioned my maid of honor speech to me, basically saying write it and have it ready, so I know she still expects one of me. I got nothing. I don’t know this guy so I feel anything I say will be generic and not heartfelt. I’ve daydreamed my entire LIFE as someone who didn’t have friends growing up, for a friend that I love so much, and for me to express how much I love them and their new spouse at their wedding one day. This is not how I imagined it, but again it’s not about me and that’s where I’m torn. On one hand, it’s her day, on the other hand, I’m not the only one who’s let her down and she doesn’t deserve this and I truly believe if she planned the wedding for a year like most people do, she’d be a lot happier. I know when I’ve casually mentioned it to her (not full-on pep talk heart to heart like I WANTED to do and should have) she hasn’t budged because she already booked the venue and stuff in advance. Onto the other disappointments. Her coworker who was supposed to be part of her bridal party knew months ago that she would be moving to Florida and didn’t make accommodations for this. So yes, she up and moved to Florida without having the courage to either speak with her new boss that she wouldnt be available and would be out of state around the time of the wedding, or to tell my best friend that she won’t be able to make it. She just straight up acted like she was coming. So that leaves me and her two sisters. Her little sister is the only one who’s been acting like she gives a shit about the wedding, and even she for some reason (???) let her friend buy her dress for her that my best friend picked out (???) I don’t know why she couldn’t just order it on Amazon herself, my best friend picked out the same dress all the bridesmaids. So the one person who’s been doing things right also messed up. Then her older sister is also broke like me. She just quit her job of 10 years because she was upset they haven’t been promoting her. My best friend and her little sister FaceTimed me today to talk last minute bachelorette plans. They had to fill me in because I missed the original group call when the bridesmaids made the plans, because I broke my phone spraying 409 cleaner in it and it’s still broken and since I’m a freelance writer with a very inconsistent income, that was my only way to make money if I was going to. My boyfriend pays for stuff for me but we have been over drafted and struggling for a while. On FaceTime, once my best friends little sister realized I had no money at all to pay for nails for the bachelorette party, they both just got really quiet, my best friend looked like she was going to cry, she cancelled her plans to do like a nicer bar thing after, and the plan moved to instead of doing a girls day and bachelorette stuff to… just watching movies at her little sister’s house. Her little sister said she’ll get some skincare stuff from dollar tree or somewhere cheap since me and her older sister can’t pay. We’re doing a cheap bachelorette now. I have severely sensitive skin and can’t put a whole lot on my skin but this isn’t about me, it just adds to the awkwardness of the situation and that’ll be a whole thing to navigate now. Her little sister didn’t actually even want anyone in her house so now that’ll be a bad secondish impression on her, me meeting her for the first time officially and not because of high school events, at her house, and I’m the reason I’m at her house, not that I deserve a good impression anyway. And on top of all this, her soon to be HUSBAND kept putting off getting his suit, because he doesn’t like tuxes so he’s been neglecting the process. They finally, get this, last minute got his suit sent to INDIANA, so he can put it on for the first time after they’re flown in for the wedding!! What!! There also hasn’t been any talk of a shower, which I know is because of the short timeframe allocated for wedding, it hasn’t even crossed her mind. All in all she is such a sweet girl who doesn’t deserve any of this and I want to know if there’s a tactful and compassionate way to say I think she should postpone the wedding. Another thing is my boyfriend and I are sharing a raggedy car that we’re relying on driving us 2.5 hours to the wedding while making funny sounds, only he works graveyard and because of a special event week coming up (one that you may be planning on shopping on, to give you an idea of how the scheduling is done and how there’s no managers you can kiss up to and say “it’s for a wedding”, especially on a certain “p week”), he has mandatory time so he’s going to be missing the rehearsal, I’m going to drive to the rehearsal, do the rehearsal then drive all the way back to pick him up from work early in the am. And we still gotta figure out how I’m getting to the bachelorette. It’s going to be a lot of back and forth and my best friend looked so sad on FaceTime saying tha

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TheXemist · 2024-07-14T10:49:56+00:00

It sounds rough to ask her to postpone it, I dunno how many things she booked but it may cost her to cancel some things and book elsewhere. And she may have booked a table on Saturday, asks if she can book next Saturday and find out they’re booked out for the rest of the year. Booking leave is also hard.

I get the vibe you’re immensely introverted and the type to get a lot of relief when social obligations are cancelled, like this speech is probably a lot for you. If this is true, it sucks your best friend hadn’t any more extroverted friends to give the responsibility to, but it sounds like her friendship group is small and she will have to learn from this experience that’s just what happens when you have a small circle strewn about in different states. But if something is your responsibility, you need to take accountability, as a growth point. You can’t be coddled forever by avoiding things because what if you and your bf have kids? That’s even more stressful and high responsibility than a speech at a wedding. Use this experience as a starting point. She can decide on her own that if half her friends can’t come, she can move the date to when’s suitable, but not because you avoided your task.

All in all I didn’t know where to start with this, but you’re the only person in this story I’m talking to so the advice I can give is only for you, and not because I think you’re the one responsible for everything, it looks like every person in this story has fucked up something. However every single one of you can’t just drop accountability and give up. You’re all adults. My advice is you meet your responsibility to be clear with her if you can go or not. You tell her you can go, or you can’t. If you go, you need to pull your pants up and fulfil the remainder of the responsibility.

LaPrimaVera · 2024-07-14T11:19:31+00:00

You checked out of your friends life and now want her to postpone her wedding because you can't get your life together. So basically you want her to waste all the time and money she has invested into this (plus the time and money of all the other guests) for your comfort when you'll likely just be in the exact same position in a years time anyway.

This isn't about you, grow up and get your shit together.

Title	I and my best friend’s bridesmaids are screwing up her wedding for her
Author	Far-Lake-4018
Upvotes	0
Comments	12
Date	July 14, 2024 9:11 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1e2xwvz/i_and_my_best_friends_bridesmaids_are_screwing_up/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/i-and-my-best-friends-bridesmaids-are-screwing-up.1524248 https://theredarchive.com/post/1524248

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