How to work on eye contact?

rustyoswin · 2024-08-20T14:59:40+00:00

There’s literally no words, no matter how fancy they are, nothing anyone can say will do anything. You have to go out and practice. Go to a shoe shop and ask an assistant for a size shoe you want to try on. Go to a coffee shop and place an order. Go and have a look at a car and talk to the sales person. When shopping for food, don’t go to self checkout but use the human checkout, ask them how their day is going or some shit. When doing this be mindful to maintain eye contact. If you struggle, focus on their eyebrow or somewhere close by to their eyes, they can’t notice. You will feel uncomfortable first few times and that’s absolutely fine, accept it. Do this every day for 2 weeks and you’ll 100% see a difference. Then it will become second nature and piece of piss. You’ll not even think about it

testylentil · 2024-08-20T15:21:58+00:00

Cognitive behavioral therapy (cbt) and then exposure therapy. That's what I use. Sounds like a lot but it's simple and tends to work for me.

1 - CBT. Understand why you don't make eye contact in the first place. Spell out your distorted, anxious thoughts with actual words. For me it was, "I feel like a creep," "I'm exposing myself in some way," "they can read my fear," "it doesn't feel natural to me and that comes across," "I look/feel goofy," "I don't know how long to hold it."

I had to correct these thoughts with new ones. "People can't necessarily read what youre thinkijg behind your eyes that well," "it's OK if you feel weird, you're learning," "not everyone makes eye contact, that doesn't make it wrong," "youre free to make eye contact in this society," "relax, youre fine," etc..

Basically, you're reprogramming your mind so that you have new healthier thoughts around the experience each time you do it. You want to actively repeat these new words instead of the old. It helps you feel better about it, less anxious or pressured.

Exposure therapy - Practice. The key here is its better to practice in scenarios where you can dedicate focus. If you just try to hold eye contact when you're wrapped up in your daily life, distracted, and you haven't developed the new habit, the tendency is to just regress to your default behavior. Instead you want to actively work on it, in an isolated environment, to gain traction. Then you can introduce it into your normal life.

For example, go for a walk in the city where all you do is make eye contact with passersby and you have no other distractions. Visit a flea market with no objective but eye contact. Run errands but specifically focus on eye contact. Don't forget to incorporate your new thoughts and eliminate your old thoughts. Plan a group activity where your personal focus is explicitly making eye contact for like an hour.

It's like a sport, basketball for instance. If you want a better shot, you don't just keep playing full court games and hope your shooting improves. You need to run specific shooting drills where you can get down to the nuts and bolts of your shot and use repetition to nail it down.

So fix your issue first with CBT, then practice with exposure therapy + CBT. Add it to your daily life, but once it starts working, you'll still have to revisit this process occasionally to refresh.

BTW...this is a useful approach for a lot of people with many aspects of social anxiety and pickup anxiety, not just eye contact.

Good luck.

RefrigeratorIll417 · 2024-08-20T15:00:55+00:00

Real zuniga stare at the women till eyes pop off.

MavDrake · 2024-08-20T14:55:33+00:00

This is to easy... its like a game to me... more so when a girl wants to see who breaks first (she's into you and a alpha babe).

Its super intense - and you know you've won/you're in when you see her pupils go big.... This takes good conversation/flirting, etc..

How to work on this... I used to shy away until I became really interested in physical ques. So I would just stare into people eyes when talking to them. Not just women... You'll learn other ques if somebody is BSing you, on drugs, etc.. etc..

Just do it... (don't sue me nike).

fookincharlie · 2024-08-20T19:51:47+00:00

Focus on a single spot. I always look into the right eye because it's hard for me to focus on both.
Don't break eye contact while speaking.
When listening and speaking, use facial expressions so you aren't just staring at someone like you will eat their skin.

LightSniper · 2024-08-20T21:11:37+00:00

As others have said, you need to look in their eyes, with your eyes.

Amazing_Noise_5945 · 2024-08-20T14:48:32+00:00

same ask!

maxreddit0609 · 2024-08-20T14:49:52+00:00

Be aware of when you are not holding eye contact next time you are in a conversation with someone and revert back to their eyes.

Try going 5 seconds holding eye contact while talking or while they’re talking and don’t break. Even perhaps look at it as a game and hold it for as long as you are interacting with someone.

It isn’t weird to do this as it shows you are engaged, confident, and paying attention to the person you are interacting with.

Silly_Randy · 2024-08-20T14:54:48+00:00

Look in between the eyes. You know, between the eyebrows. That might help

Viktor2500 · 2024-08-20T14:58:58+00:00

By having eye contact, like wth is this question bro

epimpstyle · 2024-08-20T18:11:42+00:00

When I told someone to make eye contact with a girl, the guy looked like a serial killer (or a psycho), I stopped giving that advice to anyone because it is weird when it is too much and you never know when too much is too much.

LordPoopyIV · 2024-08-20T23:40:33+00:00

The stylelife method teaches it at the start; every day start taking note of the eye color of people you pass by on the street, go out just to do this if you must. If they look back you can just say hi or nod, but the point is mostly to get comfortable with looking at eyes. get comfortable first and the rest will just happen

Disconaut · 2024-08-21T00:48:30+00:00

When two people meet eyes , someone I’ll always look away first.

Practice on looking until they look away over and over and it will help tremendously.

One-Hedgehog4722 · 2024-08-21T05:10:53+00:00

You can try Wear sunglasses and hold eye contact with whomever, can even position your head to make it appear youre looking a diff direction. At least youre getting the practice in this way.

VrilHunter · 2024-08-21T06:36:39+00:00

You need more confidence to not back the fuck away.

LegendaryZTV · 2024-08-21T12:00:03+00:00

Try to read their eyes instead of just staring into them. “Look”/read with intention

SecretComments · 2024-08-21T21:15:48+00:00

I shy away

People are giving very detailed and logical answers, and I get that, but what it comes down to is....you gotta trick your brain a little here, so you look at strangers you find attractive almost the way you look at a girl who's currently naked and riding you like a goddamn stallion.

You fucking like what you see. You're eyeing her like she's about to empty your balls just because they're full. A glance up and down. A smile following it. That's the mechanical, but it's the thoughts that lend it that seductive, "I like what I see and I'm checking you out" vibe. Women like men who are bold and don't falter. Who aren't that scared of being conaidered creepy. Who like what they see and won't pretend otherwise.

That's it. That's the Look. That's how you do it. It can't be a mechanical thing, where you practice in the mirror and force it. It's more mindset than pure action; people can tell when YOU feel awkward and forced about what you're doing. Like the difference between a cheeky smile and a nervous smile. Yeah. You're smiling. But it's not the same.

The inner problem is one I've had before and Istill occasionally face: inhibition based on visibility and potentially being labeled or rebuked.

Kill that part of you. Rip it out. Every time it reforms, strangle it. Say No to Bad Stupid Bullshit Thoughts.

When do you pull back?

Bad thought. The idea is to let the thoughts linger and then go about your day/night, not to have a stopwatch and tell yourself to break eye contact after a few seconds. If she eyes you the same way, it's mutual, and then instead of backing down or acting sheepish, that's your moment to talk to her. Don't talk about the Look directly, just don't act like that didn't happen either.

You're an animal and so is she. Yeah, don't do this at a funeral, but at a party or a bar or maybe even a bookstore, it's harmless, it's just a subtle non-verbal cue, and a way to gauge interests.

Some girls will make out with you immediately if you share the Look. Most will eventually if you're good with your words too. Just stop being squeamish about your own desires as if you're a Mormon who saw a boob

Biggest lesson I had to learn on this front, that I think you do too: it's very different to express desire in small ways like this, vs going up to the hot girl and saying "Please beautiful stranger, have sex with me right now on the floor in front of the world". Yeah that's creepy and gross and bad.

Looking is harmless. Talking is harmless. Learn that. Picture girls riding you sometimes. It's gonna be okay buddy.

Working_Potential_26 · 2024-08-22T10:51:39+00:00

You have to be solid with in yourself .. you see the eye are a reflection of the soul.. weak souls have timid eyes that cannot hold contact .. strong souls .. experienced souls .. have attentive eyes.. like a wild animal ..

Title	How to work on eye contact?
Author	Dr_mercurys
Upvotes	28
Comments	30
Date	August 20, 2024 2:42 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1ewxd6g/how_to_work_on_eye_contact/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-to-work-on-eye-contact.1527797 https://theredarchive.com/post/1527797

Comments