We had been separated for almost 2 years. Today I am officially divorced. I don’t really know how to feel. Shock? Relief? While sitting in the courtroom, it felt like a near death experience. Our entire relationship flashed before my eyes. The beginning, the core memories we created. The idea of being together “forever.” It then ended where we were now.

I’m not sad about no longer being with her, or feel like I’ve could’ve done more. Right now, it’s more about the “what could have been.” I truly don’t think I could have done any thing more. I did everything I could to try and repair. Seeing all the things we had planned, the love we had, just…gone. It’s like I was reading a good book that came to an abrupt end, but I wasn’t done reading.

Yet…The book wasn’t that good. I was diminished as a human, and made out to be “abusive”. She went out of her way just to make shit harder for me.

That book is now banned from my library.